I asked my sister what was a good topic to talk about for this series and she said black women don’t perform or don’t like to perform oral sex. Although I never really thought about it, she was on to something.
When I got to college I was amazed at how many of my white female peers were proudly giving oral sex. Where I come from “she sucked my dick” was the biggest insult a boy could give you. You couldn’t be known for anything worst than that. Now as an adult my black friends all admit to performing oral sex but it seems to be something reserved for a special person or as a returned favor. For example on the Braxton Family Values, Trina admitted that she had performed oral sex on a man who was not her husband. Trina’s sisters were more shocked by the fact that she had just performed oral sex and not received anything sexual in return, than the fact that this man was not her husband. Her sister even went on to say “Black girls don’t just go around doing that”. I don’t remember ever having a talk with my parents that specifically addressed oral sex. I just remember that it was always this kind of taboo subject even in college and the taboo hasn’t went away. Maybe people just don’t like to talk about it because I know for fact that black women are doing it, and although maybe not everyday, but not just on special occasions with special people. I know that our attitudes differ on the matter, especially culturally, but I don’t think there is anything wrong with performing oral sex and if you’re going to do it, do it well and enjoy it. Nobody ever died from sucking dick. At least as far as I know.
So my question is why is performing oral sex that big of a deal?
What is that we are taught as Black women that makes it so taboo?
Love, Lust and Everything in Between 
Now I dont fall under the category of Black Woman so I cant answer from that angle but I do think I understand why oral sex is seen as a taboo. I think alot of people see this as degrading because it is pleasuring the man without getting anything in return. I myself enjoy making someone else happy and that is the pleasure I get from it but I definitely can see why one would obstain and absolutely can see why this is not something proudly advertised.
Maybe it’s not just black women… Thanks for commenting anyway.
I had a black girlfriend who became my wife. I could detect no difference in attitude from white girlfriends and wives to oral sex.
Rob.
Some black women I’ve been with in the past thought it was degrading, but of course me eating them out wasn’t a problem because a man is “supposed” to always please a woman in their eyes, lol. I think now though it’s not as big as a thing with black women as it used to be.
Whether a person is black, white, red, brown, yellow or pink polka dot… giving pleasure, nay giving anything, to someone should never be dependent on what you get in return. That is selfish and in no way resembles love. Just my two cents.
Agreed.
Sister Citizen is a book that talks about Black women stereotypes.
Although, the strong black woman and Mammy aren’t supposed to go downtown, the Jezebel does with relish.
I am half Black. My mother was not Black. So, I never really had the how to be a Black Woman talk.
However, I am 33 years old, and I remember one of my favorite songs to bump and grind to when I was in my twenties was “Put it in My Mouth.”
Hope my response helped!
Logged about this the other day.
Anal sex and blowjobs and taboo for black women.
They do do it,but with a bit of disdain.
I think Black women give oral sex, but they may be ashamed to admit it. The shaming aspect of it is tied to the beginning of your post. When we were younger, guys would ridicule and ostracize the Black girls who gave blow jobs. Now they are upset because we’re all grown and some women won’t because they’re afraid of being shamed in the same way.
I always say that when men start fully accepting the scope of women’s sexuality, they will be pleasantly surprised at what we’d be willing to do. LOL!
P.S. We’re blog twins with similar topics and identical themes. Let’s collab on some things.
This is so funny, as a young woman of African American descent I know all too well what you mean. Where I’m from, NYC, there is the same stigma here. However, as we all get older it is more acceptable but definitely not something my friends even discuss. I for one think it is something that should be reserved for someone special, and not because I’m black.
I looooooove performing oral sex on my boyfriend. It’s something that turns me on. It is not something I would tell the world, simply because I believe in practicing discretion. However, I do love it
I not sure what any woman considers being a good sex partner! My favorite sex partners where women that did oral in any position! Sometimes me on my knees , her lying down using her toy on her all over her body! Sometimes her sitting up against pillows turned towards me on one knee , and still toying and fondling for same time pleasure! Women should get the same fun , like doggy oral or standup oral! I am a black man and I must tell my sisters that a bedroom is supposed to be fun not wondering what does he want to do next! Black women if you become this kind of sex partner , you will see the man you desire! There will be no problem asking for a cruise or romantic get away because men look at every get away as a chance to swing on the vine or turn the best flips vacation ! But good sex is always a mans desire, not good lingerie , although that is cool ! I have talked to a bunch of black men over the years and they will tell you that this usually happens fooling with someone’s girlfriend or a married woman! I have been with a Asian woman that wanted me to love having sex with her and I did. Not because she was Asian but loved. Leaving strong memories from every bedroom session! Stop waiting for a rich man or a white man to feel nasty ain’t bad. Be a good sex partner everytime!
Are black men opposed to performing oral sex too? Or is it just a “woman thing”?
OF COURSE, YESSSS!!!!!
I grew up hearing that white girls do and don’t even think about asking a Black girl to do it… and there’s a lot of truth to what’s supposed to be urban myth I’ve had many Black women tell me they won’t just give a guy some head because they’re not getting anything out of it and, yes, I’ve also heard them admit that they won’t give head – but if he doesn’t, it’s a wrap. In all of my experiences, I’ve never heard any woman say they won’t do it because it’s degrading although I have heard other reasons that I would say is valid.
It’s reserved for special occasions or even as a reward for doing something spectacular. One of the other things I learned growing up is that if you don’t eat your girl, she won’t be your girl for every long; so why are some women surprised when their man is letting some other woman blow him – and because she refuses to do it? I’ve never been able to fully figure that out but I do understand that it’s a part of a double standard that, sexually, just cripples Blacks or, really, anyone who won’t give oral sex and then simply because it’s such a damned hot thing to do for each other.
If girlfriend finds out her man’s been on the DL and letting other dudes give him head, man, to say she’s gonna be hostile doesn’t even come close, right? But I this submit to anyone who won’t do it: If you don’t do it, someone else certainly will and if they do, you shouldn’t be getting pissed about someone else doing what you should have been doing all along.
Such a sad state of affairs…
It amazes me that people are still reading this one. I guess growing up in church I heard that it was degrading. I don’t have a problem with it although it’s not my favorite thing to d, I like to be pleased so I please; reciprocity is everything.
I do think that what you won’t do someone else will. However I think that a man getting it from another woman because his woman won’t is very different from him getting it from a man because his woman won’t, unless of course he is bisexual. If that happens you have a lot more to be mad at.
Maybe they’re still reading it because it hits close to home and is relevant?
On the real, if “you” aren’t doing your man and anyone else is – male or female – you should be mad… at yourself because this is really simple: If you were doing it, he wouldn’t want or need anyone else to do it. It doesn’t make a difference who’s willing to do it when you get right down to the heart of the matter.
This is the thing some women, regardless of color, don’t ever understand: If you don’t, someone else will and if you don’t want that to happen, um, it’s a no-brainer, right?
I think I have heard every reason from a woman why they don’t want to do it, don’t like doing it, yada, yada, and while I’m not gonna say that they’re not justified in not wanting to do it, it’s like you said – reciprocity is everything; you give as good as you get and if you (not you) are expecting that man to please you (and especially orally) but you’re not willing to return the favor, act like it’s a chore or otherwise beneath you, what do you think is gonna happen?
I know what’ll happen…