Rules and Realities

There is no such thing a s friends with benefits- Once you have sex with someone its all benefits, friendship is completely dead.  DON’T kid yourself by thinking you’re friends.  If he does extra things besides blow your back out it’s because he likes you, or he may even be a good person who gives a shit.  But friendship is non existent.

You may not have to be a self starter but it imperative to be self finisher- If you are having random casual sex you learn that it is an Olympic race to the finish and by finish I mean cum…  The person who cums first wins. At the end of the day my orgasm is my concern his is his.

The guy you’re fucking wants to thinks he’s the only guy you’re fucking- I think that is self explanatory.

Disappointed??? Ithappens- As in all areas of life your reality may not match your expectations. Just because he is sexy from across the room does not mean he will live up to your fantasy.  Sometimes even after his best efforts and fancy tricks you will be less than satisfied.

If you let him he will treat you like a heaux- Pussy is POWER.  How you  allow someone to treat you after you have sex with them is the basis of your relationship.  I don’t subscribe to the heaux mentality but I know guys who think that because I felt like having sex with them once I am now their booty call girl.  The easiest way to change this is to not be available. If he calls don’t answer and if he texts don’t respond.  Sex happens on my terms when I feel like it. Unless I am receiving an actual paycheck from a person I not on call for anyone.  Most of all feel no shame, if you are shamed of doing something you shouldn’t do it.

Size matters, but not really- Ok so size matters to a point but I have had better sex with a smaller dicked man than ones with very memorable sized cock.  I am not suggesting that I wasn’t satisfied with both but chemistry and skill is much more valuable than size.

Be a freak but know your boundaries- I like different things with different guys. however one may know me as a straight freak and another may know me as just a good fuck.  That is because everyone can’t handle everything.  I do what I feel comfortable with who I feel comfortable doing.

I’m not one for fetish shit-  So I push my boundaries but I don’t like too much of any given thing.  Fetish guys are fun but when he asks you if he can jack off while you model shoes in an Elsa costume it gets a little weird.

If you deal with ain’t shit guy you will get ain’t shit results-  Choose who you fuck wisely. I know there are some people who believe in this double standard that I choose to completely ignore in every way so I date and fuck guys who are open minded enough to do the same. Being a woman who has had A LOT of casual sex has not hindered my ability to find people who want to be in a serious committed relationships with me.

Morals and values are important- I joke about having loose morals when it comes to sex, but I and very comfortable with  who I am.  I have boundaries I will never cross and values that I don’t compromise under any circumstance.  Who you choose to have sex with and the reason behind it are you business, and it does not define who you are. Only you can choose to be the type of person you want to be.

Opinions are like orgasms…. What I’ve learned from having Loose Morals.

MjAxMi00NjExMjI5MjYzNDU4ZGQ1

For the most part this has been my motto since I was smart enough to not give a shit about people’s opinions, especially when their opinion pertains to my vagina and what I choose to do with it.  I always simultaneously cringe and evil laugh when people insist that every sexual experience you have is a spiritual and emotional mixing of souls.  Because my morals are loose and my pussy is always tight there have been some hard learned lessons along the way; the biggest lesson has been about other people’s opinions.

Who I have sex with is my business and it’s best to keep it that way.  Unfortunately not everyone will give less fucks than I do, and the thing is, although I don’t have many to give about other peoples opinions. However eventually they will be encountered so I had to learn how to deal with them and not be ashamed or feel belittled.

There is a certain level of freedom that comes with being self realized.  I have learned to not hold on to people too tightly, people who genuinely like will do so regardless.  True friends will tell YOU when you’re wrong or sloppy, they will not tell everyone else you’re wrong or sloppy.  Being able to have friends around is very good and keeps you grounded as well as balanced.  You have to be able to be a popular acquaintance and a rare friend, many people will know of you and few will actually know you.

Sex is, to some people, a very intimate experience which is true some of the time.  I think that is important to be comfortable with the people you sleep with and comfortable with your decision after.  My best friend is not a person who can have detached sex for pleasure and she doesn’t, but that doesn’t make every experience for her a spiritual one. I do not think that she is any less liberated than me I just think that she mentally responds to things differently.  There are guys who have these same feelings and I know for a fact women have more sex than guys. Which is part of the reasons guys are so judgmental about body count… Oh yea if someone asks for a body count RUN.  It’s very immature to even care about that at this point, we should be more worried about protection and testing frequency.

The double standard is real but people will only treat you how you allow them to.  I have run into some sticky situations in group settings but I have never once felt that I am less than anyone or that I had done something wrong.  Carrying shame for things you have done that don’t negatively affect people is wrong.  Letting people treat you in a way that makes you uncomfortable is wrong; demanding that people respect you is not.  I have ran into guys I slept with while out with a new guy and I speak and keep moving because I am not easy nor am I doing anything wrong.  I am proud to say that I am cordial to majority of the people I’ve dealt with and they respect each other. Being around more than one guy you’ve been with in the same place at the same time is taboo,  I don’t really know why but being shameful brings shame.

Test the merchandise.  The worst thing you can have is buyers remorse.  If you’re not into it leave.  I do it for fun even, just get up and leave.  Before clothes come off if you’re not into it don’t go through with it. If you straddle him and don’e feel anything through his clothes, TRUST ME get up and leave; unless you’re into that sort of thing.

Do your thing, respect yourself, and demand other people respect you.

Thoughts of the son we could have had.

I’m just kinda taking whatever life gives me and hoping that I make the right decision. – Amy Smart

Sometimes I think about our baby.   How he would look, act, talk. Would he be a spitting image of his Dad.  I would want him to be, his Dad is an amazing man.   He would be beautiful and smart. Would he be quietly thoughtful like his Dad or outspoken with quick wit like his mom. I think  about this sometimes when I think about his father. A very handsome, thoughtful man doing well for himself, any woman’s dream Baby Daddy, but I didn’t want a Baby Daddy. I didn’t want to impose my presence on anyone’s life, as well as, put myself in a vulnerable position. I was not ready for the best or worst outcome. But I think about him.

I think about him in the way that you would think about a dream, like a distant reality that you’re not sure you want to be real.  I think about him and what he would have done to us.  Would he have made us stronger and closer or would he have made you resent me? Would he be the reminder of a bad decision or an outcome to be celebrated? He would have been loved and we would have adjusted eventually.

I feel that children should come to two people who want a child not into chaos which is where we were at the time. That is my personal preference, no disrespect to single Mothers but I would not choose to be one.  I cherish life partnerships over offsprings. It’s nice to have a legacy but I want to share that legacy with someone I would rather be childless, than a single mother; but who knows that could always change.

Now that I am ready to start to settle down I think about these things.  I feel that for that time in our lives I made the right decision not only for me but for us. This post is in no way a reflection of me being haunted by a decision; under those circumstances I would make the same decision if it were today.    So when I am ready and under circumstances that I deem acceptable, I will have a child. That child will have a life filled with Love and support but I will still think about him, and what kind big brother he would have been.

“Insert Moan Here”: Adolescent make out session because I can handle that amount of guilt.

It almost happened… I let my guard down and the best friend saw it.  I guess I’m not as clever as I thought.  I tried to stay away and effectively I did because we were in a groups setting.  No Sunday afternoon drinks, or movie with a “Friend”; we went out as group, partied to sunrise and made out well into the afternoon. I feel guilty, even though there was no sex taking place and no clothes came off I still feel skanky.  I have to say I am proud of that feeling because there was a time when guilty and skanky never crossed my mind, a time when I would have had sex with him and not thought twice about the havoc that it would cause because I would just move on, leaving chaos in my wake.  I am growing and of that I am proud.

Aside from the adolescent make out session we had as grown ass adults we talked a lot and even though I am still trying to cipher through what’s real and utter bullshit.  I can’t say that I am moved in one way or another.  I am always slow to fall in like with anyone and I can’t fall in like with a person who is this close to my boyfriend…

I think that anyone bold enough to step to his friends girl is shady and I am no better for giving in to the advances,  but I realized that I am fundamentally flawed a long time ago so dealing with another person with less fucks to give that me is scary.  This could be a test which I am slowing failing at but who the hell knows.  I think I am doing well considering my past history of not being faithful. I could be a conquest.  Sometimes we do things just to see if we can do them,  for him this could be it. To me that’s intriguing because I would like to prove to myself that I can change, I don’t have to be so impulsive all of the time.

The dilemma now is do I tell my boyfriend what happened.  I think that I should deny, deny deny.

You don’t know me… But I want you to

As an anonymous blogger I hope to convey a portrait of myself that is not based anything other than my honest opinion and life experiences.  I share some things but I decided that maybe it’s time to let my readers, old and new, to know some new things about me.  I haven’t’ done this in a while so I figured why the hell not.

I don’t like to wear pants at home-  I live alone with my dog so the first thing that comes off when I get home are my pants. I usually don’t have visitors, when a person knocks on my door I’m always hiding my naked bottom half behind the door.  So thank you Chinese food delivery guy who knows the deal and never seems to judge me when I have to shut the door in your face to retrieve my wallet.

I LOVE MY DOG- I love my dog. Because I don’t have children and have very little family near me, Teddy has become an even bigger part of my life.  Teddy gives me a reason to go home and want to be there.  I even made a blog about her.  www.teddysdamnblog.wordpress.com It’s brand new but follow if you want.

I’m not big on getting head- I enjoy getting great head, however I prefer a good stroke.  I get more satisfaction from intercourse. Every few years there is a study, usually done by a man, that claims to disprove the existence of the G-Spot.  Well as a woman who has one and have conducted my own experiment numerous times, I can definitively and confidently say the G-spot exist, is real, and is a gift from God him/herself.

I don’t keep a Dick count- At my age I’m clearly not a virgin and my philosophy is “Do what/who you want but be safe.” I think that keeping a count is somewhat demeaning not just for me but for for people in general, what does it matter how many people a person has has sex with? To me the most important thing is how they treat you and how they feel about themselves. Besides no matter what number you tell people, they will think what they want about you.

I Believe in Soul Mates I don’t think you always end up with them–  Sometimes friendship is more important than physical intimacy and for me, when I meet someone who I feel is great friend I don’t want to mess that up.  Friendship is not based on anything but someone’s general willingness to care and put up with your BS for not clear reason at all.  Real friends like you for exactly who you are. Some people are fortunate enough to spend their lives with their best friend in marriage or platonic friendship.

Sexpectations: Questionable morals and high standards

When seeing someone I am not a picky chick.  Actually I am more of the the “respect  my space” type.  I enjoy being alone and being in my own little world however I do expect sex on demand and not lazy sex either; I want to be satisfied every time.  Dodging relationships has even become somewhat of an art form for me.  My sexpectations have become quite high as I get older; there is no need to waste time on bad sex I don’t care how great of a catch you seem to be.  Guys with the best stats have the biggest egos to stroke.  The funny thing is I think women are having more sex than men or at the very least women are settling for bad sex with good guys.

I tend to have a 3 time rule.  If I’m just trying to get off and we just met, if it’s bad I’m immediately done.  If I semi like him and want to know him better there will be a round deux, however if it is mediocre and I lose interest after that’s it.  Round 3 is reserved for the guys who have earned it.  I like them and although they are not laying it down how I like, maybe we can work on it. Round three is the last ditch effort to find the rhythm that should be there.   It is the hail Mary for me, but as with all hail Mary’s performance is key.  There are no do over’s, it’s him and the odds that are seeming to stacking against him.

So what are my expectations?

1.) Be thoughtful- Don’t be so caught up in your pleasure you forget about mine. I have walked out on people for this before. Yes he was mid stroke when I got up and went home.

2.) Be open minded- I once slept with a guy who wanted to have sex in the same positions in the bed all the time.  I didn’t get it, we would start on the couch and end up in the bed.  If I tried to have sex with in one position somehow he would want to get in the same old position. When I asked him WTF he responded that’s what he liked.  I was done.  I understand having tried and true things, but you have to willing and comfortable with trying other stuff.

3.) Know your stroke- Every man has different stroke but we are at the age where I think you should know what works for you. Stroke is just as, if not more, important than size. Know how to work what you got.

4.) Know your strengths- I blame women for this men not knowing their strengths because women tend to laugh about weaknesses with their bff’s while letting this man form terrible habits.  I know that what works for one doesn’t work for everyone but there are general rules. Like don’t use your teeth.  The difference between nibbles and bites.

5.) Don’t expect me to be a porn star-  I have been known to do porn staresque things and have a try anything once attitude.  I have limits respect them.

Ending up on Maury is Easier Than You Think

TV Maury Povich

****Disclaimer: Always practice Safe Sex.  Nobody will protect you better than you****

When you have 3 amazing sex partners that you vibe with, trust, and don’t have easy access to, the rules of overlap go out the window because you don’t know when you will get the opportunity to have some for the best sex of your life. Sex the way God himself intended it to be. This is a post about how my carefree reckless almost ended in  a classic Maury episode.

There are 3 men well maybe 4 now I have on again off again, complicated by distance, and simple realities relationships with.  Although I could possibly be with any of these men in a healthy meaningful relationship for one reason or another I enjoy a safe emotional distance and physical distance from all of them.

The biggest reason for the aforementioned dysfunctional relations is distance non of them live in my city.  I live in Atlanta but finding a person you want to entertain let alone have sex with here, is like seeing an invisible unicorn. So with that being said when I get to experience the familiar I take full advantage of the occasion.

Week 1: Best Lover/Friend

OMG he is at the airport getting a car to my place.  “Surprise I wanted to see you and you said you weren’t doing shit this weekend.”  Of course I oblige this is the man who told me to get the hell out of my old city and try something new.  The guy who saw my potential and continues to.  We talk about everything and spend hours on the phone once every other week. So two bottles of wine, one very stimulating conversation later he says the condom broke…. “Why would you buy Durex you remember what happened last year?” I ask in a panic “That’s what they had in the airport.”  We both laugh and don’t really think twice about it.

Week 2.5:  Possible Love of my life/Possible future Fiance

He makes a planned well in advance visit to see me for the weekend.  This man could has the most potential to be my future husband and he is actually open to the idea.  We haven’t used condoms in years.  The sex was great and the Morning After Pill was bought.  However I am not sure if I took that pill fast enough or if it would even matter because of the week before.

Week 3: Never going away college fling

This man has been dicking me down longer than the other two and we have always been at each other’s beck and call. So when he invites me on a business trip I go; like I have any other time I was available to do so. I pack a bag, catch the flight and have an amazing time wherever we end up.  We always use condoms since there was that whole chlamydia thing in college; we learned our lessons so no worries, we don’t take those chances.  But somehow in the middle of all the passion, fun, dancing and vodka somehow we ran out of condoms. First of all, we both brought condoms so how is this possible???? Second, when they say alcohol lowers your inhibitions, please believe them.  As we continued our weekend together we choose to employ the pull out method; which by the the way is very effective when done correctly. But this is a true gamble for me given my recent sexcapades. But the sex was just A-MAZ-ING.

Two weeks and one ovulation later I am 2 days late… No biggie Plan B does that.

Three and four days late was a breeze life carried on a usual.

By day seven I was worried. In my naivety I had questioned all the women looking for their babies fathers on Maury. You should always know, or at least I thought… My life and my very own Maury episode was on repeat in my daydreams and nightmares,  I could only imagine trying to explain this to anyone; after all I am not seeing anyone seriously and now I have 3 possible baby daddies. My future Love of my life and 2 non committal dysfunctional on again off agains.  I couldn’t be pregnant by any of these men, a baby is not in my life plan and my mom told me to slow down a long time ago.  I finally took a test and it was negative. I wish that were a sign but I don’t feel any normal symptoms of a cycle. I make an appointment at the OBGYN.  I need answers.

On the 10th day a sigh of relief my Aunt Flow decided to finally make a visit.  I was so happy to have a cycle I didn’t want to put in a tampon… but I did.  Now this doesn’t void out the doctor I need different type of test results.