Some of us have the most dysfunctional relationships because that is all we were taught. I believe that role models in general are important, and I have taken various approaches to life from many of the women that I know. In my life I’ve had 3 Moms and watching them has taught me various things about relationships. Part III is about my second Step-Mom.
My second Step Mom is has been with my father for about 20 years. She has 3 biological children, including a daughter who she didn’t speak to for most of her life.
Show Your LOVE!!!!
When you Love people you show them. You hug and you kiss and you show your emotions. my 2nd step mother is very cold person. She is not affectionate and not emotional in any way. She is one of those people who don’t make you feel warm or comfortable. She taught me that it as important to show people you love them through affection and time spent, more than paid bills and food on the table. Not only to do you show people affection but you have to be genuine about it. I don’t remember a time in my life when I received a hug or witnessed her hug anyone and it seemed real. So through her I learned that affection is an important component to showing love and having the people around you feel warm and connected it can be as simple as touching a person’s arm. Physical affection is important to both men and women. I learned to be genuine with it and just a warm person in general.
Don’t date an attached man.
My first step Mom and second step Mom’s relationship overlapped significantly, meaning for several years. Eventually it worked in her favor and she married my dad but she will get no kudos from me. It amazes me how many people get involved with people who are already in relationship or married to someone else. I don’t get involved with people in a relationship, simply because I believe in Karma. While I don’t think that I have any obligation to the girlfriend or wife, I know that it is terrible feeling when your significant other cheats on you and I choose to not cause any undo emotional harm to anyone that I don’t know. In my opinion, there are more than enough men on this earth, so no one needs to share. Cheating with someone’s spouse will always come back to you in one away or another and you should do right by people even if you have no reason to. The thing about this whole situation is that my father’s family has never truly warmed up to her because she is seemingly the heaux turned housewife; which will bring me to my next point.
Don’t care what people think of you and demand respect.
As I pointed out in the last section, my second step mom is not the favorite person of anyone in my father’s family. Recently I have experienced similar problems with some of the people close to my boyfriend. Initially it truly bothered me because first off he has yet to address this with these people and he always has some excuse like, it’s not their business. I am the opposite I address things head on and he waits for them to blow over or is forced to deal with it. I digress…. My second step mom does not care if the other people in my father’s life like her and she honestly has no reason to. I learned that the most important opinion of me was the person I’m in the relationship with. For the most part I don’t have to deal with other people day in and day out. As long as I’m treated well it doesn’t matter. But it doesn’t let him off the hook for dealing with others attitude towards me because I‘ve witnessed my father check people’s attitude or simply cut them off. The bottom line is that you and your partner have to demand respect for your relationship when the people close to you don’t agree with it. It is not easy but it makes for a more united front.