NOT Being Mary Jane… Another show that makes being crazy, desperate and unreasonable OK.

Mary-Jane

So I finally marathon watched Being Mary Jane with Gabrielle Union on BET.  I watched it this way because I wasn’t that interested and so I needed to do it over the course of 2 days and I am not a Gabby Union fan.  This show highlighted a lot of stereotypes that apparently are a lot women’s realities because after the show some woman comes on through web cam and professes that she is Mary Jane as if it were an AA meeting. I am all for women’s empowerment and solidarity but I don’t think I have become desperate or crazy enough to identify with this character.  I feel the same way about Olivia Pope but Scandal is good for other reasons and Kerry Washington is freaking flawless in that show. I digress…

I am not Mary Jane and here is why… But I am still trying to figure out why anyone would admit that they are.

Mary Jane seems to not realize consequences of her actions until she is knee deep in a pile of her own shit that she created.  The bad things that happened were a direct result of her actions.  Don’t get me wrong I am not a saint and my foresight is not always that great but at the end of the day it doesn’t take tons of drama for me to acknowledge that I fucked up; including but not limited to wrecking a marriage and the suicide of a “friend”.

Mary Jane is ambitious with no goals.  Her life choices outside of her career are counter productive to what she says she wants.  Mary Jane sleeps with a married man, lets him move in with her after he leaves his wife and then dumps him for being married.  She is confused and self destructive.  She then stalks her ex, who has moved on and tells him that she wants him back.  But he then points out that she dumped him during his come up because it wasn’t happening fast enough for her.  So pretty much Mary Jane left him during his struggle and wants to reap the benefits of it. If your goal is to be married and have a family you have to take the necessary steps to make that happen.  I know that every man I get with is not going to be where I am or where I want him to be but if he is worth the trouble I think sticking around is how true Love works.  You don’t bail on the people you Love because they aren’t progressing at your pace.  The grind can be a long slow process. Most of all you can’t wait for an ex to become a millionaire and want him back,  that’s not fair or cool.

She has crazy ass female friends.  Honestly I have been known to say that I would go to jail for a night for my friends.  One night is my limit but I am a ride or die friend.  Your friends have to call you out on your crazy but that should not be pillars of crazy holding you up as the queen of crazy.  The show started with her friend trying to commit suicide, then that very same friend tells a guy that Mary Jane stole his sperm.  (*record scratches*…Yes Mary Jane stole a man’s sperm).  Then after it was all said and done the suicidal snitch friend, who is a gynecologist by the way, agrees to help her inseminate herself with this mans stolen sperm on the kitchen floor with a turkey baster.  Mary Jane’s other friend talks her in to going to the wife of the the man she had an affair with to apologize for her behavior.  I guess there was supposed to be nobility in this but in and earlier episode Mary Jane is speaking at a luncheon and throws and enormous amount of shade at this women during her speech.  I just don’t see how this is going to end well, and as a person who has been cheated on the mistresses apology was neither here nor there because she did not take responsibility for my feeling by being in a relationship with me. I guess I am lucky to have friends that would tell me to have a thousand fucking seats before they assisted me in any of the aforementioned bullshit.

So in No way do I feel I am Mary Jane and maybe my level of career success has not surpassed my level of personal happiness enough just yet.

“Insert Moan Here”: Adolescent make out session because I can handle that amount of guilt.

It almost happened… I let my guard down and the best friend saw it.  I guess I’m not as clever as I thought.  I tried to stay away and effectively I did because we were in a groups setting.  No Sunday afternoon drinks, or movie with a “Friend”; we went out as group, partied to sunrise and made out well into the afternoon. I feel guilty, even though there was no sex taking place and no clothes came off I still feel skanky.  I have to say I am proud of that feeling because there was a time when guilty and skanky never crossed my mind, a time when I would have had sex with him and not thought twice about the havoc that it would cause because I would just move on, leaving chaos in my wake.  I am growing and of that I am proud.

Aside from the adolescent make out session we had as grown ass adults we talked a lot and even though I am still trying to cipher through what’s real and utter bullshit.  I can’t say that I am moved in one way or another.  I am always slow to fall in like with anyone and I can’t fall in like with a person who is this close to my boyfriend…

I think that anyone bold enough to step to his friends girl is shady and I am no better for giving in to the advances,  but I realized that I am fundamentally flawed a long time ago so dealing with another person with less fucks to give that me is scary.  This could be a test which I am slowing failing at but who the hell knows.  I think I am doing well considering my past history of not being faithful. I could be a conquest.  Sometimes we do things just to see if we can do them,  for him this could be it. To me that’s intriguing because I would like to prove to myself that I can change, I don’t have to be so impulsive all of the time.

The dilemma now is do I tell my boyfriend what happened.  I think that I should deny, deny deny.

I might be the side chick… But I’m too content to find out.

I’m at a strange place where I enjoy my singledom but I also want someone to share my experiences and have sex with on regular basis.  I like the fact that I can come home and not be bothered but call on someone when I want company.  So with my current endeavor whom my friends call the “Transporter” it has worked because it seemed as if we were looking for the same type of thing.  Companionship without expectation and loyalty without commitment.  However I am getting the sense that he is involved with some one a far deeper level than what we have.  We have been doing this thing for 5 months and while it has been a good experience some of his actions have made me begin to question some things.  Of course over 5 months our relationship has evolved into a little bit more than what we bargained for.  It’s definitely more than dating and when I ask him about it he blushes “I like you but you scare me a little”.   “The Transporter” is a cool calm collected man.  He is like the cross between two of my favorite men.  It’s like the perfect combination.

 Our rules state that there shall be no questions that evoke an emotional response.  But I realize that this emotional distance that we have tried to create can’t last and the fact that I sense there is someone closer to him than me bothers me because I am not the side chick type, be it emotional or physical.  However I absolutely Love we have at this moment but my pride… It eats me; the thought of being a side chick.  The thought of asking someone to choose me is not in my life plan for two reasons.  The first being that I”m awesome and have numerous options available to me and the second being my Mama taught me better that.

Stay tuned this is not the end of this story.  As of now I’m at a lost so as I figure it out I will share with you guys.

30 Day Challenge Day 4

Day 4: Your Opinion Of Cheating in Relationships

It happens.  I think that there are times when you walk and times when you don’t.  I think that if you Love the person you forgive them, if they’ve earned it and if you think that you won’t become completely paranoid and can move on.  However if they cheat on you again you have to accept all responsibility for however you feel because you choose to stay in that situation.

Do all people cheat? NO.

Are all cheaters bad people? NO.

If someone cheats does that mean they don’t love the person they are with?  I think people do the most fucked up shit to the people they Love.

I do feel that cheating can be detrimental to any relationship, it completely changes the blind trust you have in someone but we all have to go through these things to learn and grow; whether you are cheating or being cheated on.

 

 

 

My views on the other woman/side-chick.

I’ve been reading a lot of post and articles about women on the side. After some consideration I decided to give my 3 1/2 cents.  Personally, I will not knowingly get involved with a person in a relationship.  I just think it’s in bad taste.  All the men out here I will not share one.  I am, to be blunt, selfish and I like to have the attention when I want it.  I don’t wish to compete or be second to anyone other than his family.  Having been cheated on in the past I do not blame the basic ass females doing this.  Only your significant other is obligated to care about your feelings.  The times that I have been cheated on I reacted in various ways.  The first time I was young and dumb, I befriended the other woman; to this day I don’t know why. The second time I blamed him.  (By the way these were two different men. ) I blamed him for everything. It was then I realized that only he could hurt me emotionally.

Having been the girlfriend I can honestly say that I despise woman who will settle for being the side chick.  I just don’t get. I guess I think I  deserve a hell of a lot.  I remember reading the message between them and thinking “Really?”.  If you always have to question where you stand with a person is it worth the energy?  She was questioning her place in his life and settling for attending his classes, seeing him at work and probably a meal or two.  I’m sorry but in all of my years in college I never attended anyones classes but my own. We lived together so it was a pretty clear to me what he did with his free time. I truly don’t know the full extent of their relationship but I know enough to know that, she was settling for less than I would have ever settled for. I just feel like you don’t take what you can get; you take what you feel like you are entitled to. I say that I despise them because I feel like it cheapens the value of women.  Like Erica Mena said on Love and Hip Hop “You messing up my Money Bi$*h when you doing sh-t for free.”, she used it in a completely different context but it applies here. Why would a man put in the work when he can get all the perks with little effort.

I don’t know how this correlates to self-worth I actually don’t care.  I think that if you’re about that life go for it.  I, for one, am not here for that.  I like to feel needed and how can he need me when he goes home to someone else.  How can he really value me if he has someone who he gives more time and energy to? I don’t get what women get out of being the woman on the side.  It makes no sense to me. There is always the it’s just physical argument, well if that’s the case, it should not be a recurring situation; it should be once in a while without the constant communication and envy of the actual girlfriend.  If the woman on the side can say she doesn’t want the top spot more power to her, but I am not talking to her.  I’m talking about the women who are looking for love when they are getting leftovers.

All in all I don’t blame the women because they are clearly desperate heauxs getting it how ever they can.