“Oh you’re stubborn… Don’t you mean selfish???”

I am tired of selfish people hiding behind stubborn.  I grew up in a house with two of the most stubborn people on earth but not once did I feel like they were selfish and that’s because they are not.  In the past I’ve confused selfish people with stubborn people but now I think I can pretty much tell if someone is being stubborn or if they are simply selfish; here is how:

Stubborn:

    1.  Having or showing dogged determination not to change one’s attitude or position on something, esp. in spite of good arguments or reasons…
    2. Difficult to move, remove, or cure

Selfish:

    1.  devoted to or caring only for oneself; concerned primarily with one’s own interests, benefits, welfare, etc., regardless  of others.

They are not similar at all.  So for I while I have been saying that this person was stubborn and in fact they are stubborn but at some point I realized that stubborn was not stubborn at all it was in fact selfish.  When you are in a relationship it is about compromise and sacrifice. Not saying that you cannot do what you want but there are certain things that you change because you Love that person as long as it doesn’t change the essence of who you are I don’t see problem with that. I think it’s very important to recognize what’s ok to change. Stubborn people have hard time changing their mind about things it’s nothing personal, it’s just who they are.  But selfish is a whole different animal.  Selfish people do or don’t do things based on how it’s going to affect them not how it will affect the people they love.  Their decisions are solely based in self advancement.  There are times when being selfish is a good thing like when you have to save yourself, when there is one chicken wing left or the decision you make will ultimately affect your life more than it will affect the person you are with.

How can you tell when  person is just stubborn??? I always think of it in terms of their natural reaction to things.  My Dad is a person who will hold a grudge but at the same time he will go out of his way for those same people.  He doesn’t change his mind once it’s set no matter what the circumstances are.  You can tell if a person is stubborn because nothing you do will change their mind; only they can change their mind.  Selfish people think in different terms, those terms being “how will this benefit me”.  A stubborn person’s mindset will ultimately hurt them but they rather be hurt than swayed.  A selfish person on the other hand can be swayed if in fact the circumstances are favorable to them.  If you are with a stubborn person you learn to live with it.  Just don’t confuse a selfish person for a stubborn person.  If you find it hard to distinguish the two ask what’s the reasoning behind it all I would venture to say that the selfish person really won’t have a reason other than themselves.

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Don't make me think I'm writing to myself...What do you think???

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