Get Your Life!!!!!: Letters to my Whys, Nevers and I Should Have Done Betters

Dear Mr Impossible,

I am the best chick you will ever find to complete you.  That will deal with your bullshit and understand that you are one flawed individual.  Please wake up.  When you find a chick better than me please invite me to the wedding.  I am not saying I am different from and other chick I am just your best match. I went through a lot for you and you still don’t want to deviate from your life’s ideal timetable.  So while you are still looking for the other half of your power couple or you wake up alone at 32, I will be sure to find someone who doesn’t give me half the excuses and a quarter of the BS. I am tired of the you are not ready speeches.  Please honey just stand over there and get your life.

xoxo,

Tired of waiting L & L

Dear Mr College Fling turned I have no idea what we are at this point,

We graduated years ago and you are about to graduate with your 3rd degree. WTF are we doing?  This is becoming ridiculous and until you can admit that this is more than sex, because we both know sex is easier to come by, the faster we can both Get our lives.  I could understand if this was about convenience but this stopped be convenient a very long time ago.  Probably around the time when you moved for hours away to another state…. I am tired of trying to cut you off and you not getting the hint, but that’s probably my fault. I am also tired of the charade of emotional distance that no longer exist. I Love you and I am the best you will ever have in that way, but it’s time for this to become a memory.  Please Please Please Get Your Life and allow me to finally get mine.

xoxo,

Never wanted anything more L&L

Dear Mr I don’t like gays DJ,

I’m pretty sure that you are gay, so please come out already.  You are entirely too awkward to continue to hide the fact that you are not interested in women in that way.  I’m no longer taking a it personal and I’m sure your mom will Love you anyway.  Your disdain for gay men but disinterest in women kind of gave you away.  If you want to continue the ploy of being straight, do yourself a favor and stay away from Lenox Mall and the Buckhead/Midtown area on the weekends. Besides everyone around you knows, Get Your Life and stop pretending,

xoxo,

It wasn’t me it was you L&L

Every Single Woman Needs 3 Men

My friends and I continuously have a conversation about the guys we keep around or need to find and have narrowed the list down to these guys who either have skills or resources. Being single does not mean you don’t entertain the idea of men being around; to me it means the men that are around serve a purpose.  I guess the trick with this is which one are you going to sleep with, if any?  I think that every single woman needs 3 men in her life that she can call on when needed a these are the guys you try not piss off because they can be hard to come by.

A Mechanic:  If you have an older car this guy will always come in handy and if you have a newer car he will show you how to maintain it.  A Mechanic is a must have to the rooster if you don’t know much about cars.  This man will save you money in the long run by either doing repairs or not letting you get taken advantage of at a repair shop.  If you don’t know a mechanic meet or find someone who does and get to know the mechanic.  The trick with this relationship is that you should always pay him for his services if he does a repair and be very, very nice to him.  You don’t want to piss off the mechanic, because cars are unpredictable and always break down at inopportune times.  However if your dad or a family member is handy you may not need him.

Sleep with him?  NO,  you can’t mess this up with sex.  Mechanics are like polar bears these days; hard to find. Besides you will probably wonder if his hands are clean..

 

A Tech Guy: Initially I thought a computer guy but I’m technology incompetent at times, so while I know the basics about computers, I know absolutely nothing about TVs, ipads, tablets, cameras or anything else that needs to be charged.  I only use my phone for the basic functions.  A tech guy comes in handy when your computer dies or tries to, when you want to buy a TV and hook it up, when you have questions or just to watch TV, because his TV and surround sound will be better than yours.

 

Sleep with him? Maybe.  These guys are becoming more common if they don’t have an extensive knowledge of techy things they may know enough to be useful but not enough to be irreplaceable.

 

A Wallet:  This guy is who people would consider your bottom.  You may have been serious with him for a while but things didn’t work out but so when you need anything you can call him.  He is the guy with extra money who supports you when you need it.  I am not saying that you use him unnecessarily but he is a valuable resource so don’t abuse it.  This is the guy you have to keep happy while maintaining your freedom and depending on the man it’s a balancing act because you have history so feelings are involved at times.

Sleep with him?  You already have… If it doesn’t complicate things more, carry on.  However you have to be mindful that more sex can make it messier than it probably already is.  You need to keep him happy because he will be the one paying the mechanic and he may also serve as your tech guy.

 

I don’t know why you guys listen to me… Email Responses.

I’ve neglected posting my email responses so here are the last few I answered.

Email #1:

Is sex better when you don’t give a fuck?

I don’t think so.  I think that you get to a point where you learn to enjoy sex regardless of your emotional connection.  I think that it may be better when you enjoy being with the other person because you guys have more chemistry and feel more responsible for the other person’s pleasure.  The number one rule to sex and not giving a fuck is being responsible for your own orgasm, meaning do what ever it is that you need to do to get off and be the first to get there. When you are with someone who you have an emotional connection to you feel somewhat responsible for that persons pleasure, there is something more there than the physical.  Some guys get off on pleasing but a lot of them don’t so, if you are not going to give a fuck and have emotionless sex get off don’t be there for his or her pleasure be there for yours.

You don’t have to not give fuck, it doesn’t work for everyone so just know who you are, what you’re comfortable with and go with that.

Email 2:

You seem to be a cool person why are you anonymous?

Because I choose to be.  I think there is something fun about reaching people who know nothing about me.   Because I am anonymous I try to be as honest about things as I can; although I’m anonymous this is a very real depiction of who I am in person.  I also think it gives me a certain level a freedom when discussing things on this blog.

Email 3:

Are you a feminist?

I am pro women , don’t identify as a feminist or anything else.

Email 4:

Where are you from?  Do you want to be Sex positive with and for me?

I am from Michigan currently living in Georgia.  Creepy internet man,  I don’t do the online thing and getting sex is easy just get advice form this guy.