“Insert Moan Here”: Adolescent make out session because I can handle that amount of guilt.

It almost happened… I let my guard down and the best friend saw it.  I guess I’m not as clever as I thought.  I tried to stay away and effectively I did because we were in a groups setting.  No Sunday afternoon drinks, or movie with a “Friend”; we went out as group, partied to sunrise and made out well into the afternoon. I feel guilty, even though there was no sex taking place and no clothes came off I still feel skanky.  I have to say I am proud of that feeling because there was a time when guilty and skanky never crossed my mind, a time when I would have had sex with him and not thought twice about the havoc that it would cause because I would just move on, leaving chaos in my wake.  I am growing and of that I am proud.

Aside from the adolescent make out session we had as grown ass adults we talked a lot and even though I am still trying to cipher through what’s real and utter bullshit.  I can’t say that I am moved in one way or another.  I am always slow to fall in like with anyone and I can’t fall in like with a person who is this close to my boyfriend…

I think that anyone bold enough to step to his friends girl is shady and I am no better for giving in to the advances,  but I realized that I am fundamentally flawed a long time ago so dealing with another person with less fucks to give that me is scary.  This could be a test which I am slowing failing at but who the hell knows.  I think I am doing well considering my past history of not being faithful. I could be a conquest.  Sometimes we do things just to see if we can do them,  for him this could be it. To me that’s intriguing because I would like to prove to myself that I can change, I don’t have to be so impulsive all of the time.

The dilemma now is do I tell my boyfriend what happened.  I think that I should deny, deny deny.

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Intrigued by the Best Friend bored with the Boyfriend

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I am attracted to his best friend.  This is not going to end well so I am preparing to for my exit from his life.  This may have started with the awkward drunken kiss that happened between us or the day we spent together.  The newness of his smell and optimism in his eyes. He did more with me in one day than my boyfriend has done with me in six months. He even taught me how to shoot a gun and told me I should get one. The hands that he had to put on my waist to steady me and slow intentional breaths he told me take. There is something about his friend that makes me curious and it may be the deliberate manner in which he secretly pursues me, or the security I feel with his height, may be the way he barely dances when we’re out or his insistence to wear shades even in dark clubs. There is a coolness about him that I am usually put off by but I’m intrigued.

I am usually pretty clear about friends being off limits but this friend… I think about him and I think about him.  I wonder what he’s doing and as I pick up my phone to text him I always put the phone down, without sending anything deleting the text so that I won’t be reminded there was a draft.  I put it down because he is trouble, I can see trouble a mile away and that is what this is.  I am comfortable with my boyfriend but very bored and there is no spontaneity, no excitement.

My boyfriend carries a weight on his back and I can see it.  It seems as though he is giving up on his dreams. This weight is in his walk and his deep thoughts.  The way that he can watch TV for hours and never consider leaving the house, there is somberness to him.  His best friend has zest for life and for new things, but it is his zest that gives me pause.  His need to know; his curiosity about me. It is off putting because people who are this way tend to have the attention span of a puppy and curiosity as they say…. killed the cat.

You have reached the text message box….

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I wish could send out an auto response to anyone trying to date me, as if they reached my voicemail… I hate text message conversations. Text messaging should left for quick messages that supply some type of important information, or used when talking is not an option but it should never be a platform for a full blown conversation.  I was talking to my little sister who has a serious problem casually dating about her habits when it comes to texts.  I told her that she was reducing her role by using this a primary means of communication.  Here is why…

First off text messages are impersonal.  They do not give you the opportunity to hear the pauses between answers the uneasiness in a persons a voice removing the nuances that give you insight to the emotions attached to the words; texts remove most emotion from the conversation.  If you want to be impersonal use texts but if you want to get to know someone call them on the phone.   I mean anyone who has ever had an argument they didn’t want to have through text, or otherwise,  should understand this. 

Text can be taken out of context.  Sometimes text messages are confusing.  I don’t understand acronyms and at times it seems like people just make them up.  Also there is no tone in a test message so if you’re like me you have to figure out how literal, sarcastic or humorous the person is being.  I end up in a never ending game of cipher.

Texts provide the opportunity to multi-task. He or she could be texting you and be on a date with another person.  To me that means that the person clearly has no time for you and wants to group you into “things they can do while (insert activity here)” category.  Further reducing your role and their interest.  How can you hold someone’s attention when you never have their undivided attention. Or this can turn into constant communication.  I have a job and texts are the last thing on my mind during the day and when I get home or ever, so I don’t usually fall victim to this, but text messages can give you a false sense of who the person on the other end is.

Text messages leave a conversation trail, you can’t deny something you sent in text. I like spoken conversation because they conversation is from my lips to his or her ear.  It is not archived for any reflection out side of what is remembered; and when  a person remember without references it shows that they are interested and pay attention to what you have to say.

I don’t text people I plan to be serious with I talk to them on on the phone or usually in person.  My texts are reserved for quick concise communication. Not a in depth conversation.

I Love technology but text messaging is ruining the beginning of many potential relationships.

I’m so into the fact that you’re into me

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I am convinced that people are so self-indulgent that they will look over the fact that don’t like a person simply because they like the attention they are getting.

I’m confused… Do us 20 somethings who claim to want a healthy relationship really want that?? I’ve met people, male and female who continue to entertain a person’s affections because “He/she is so nice”.  There are a lot of nice people out there, but maybe they are hiding… I enjoy my singledom and I admit that I have at times entertained a person’s company because they were into me for whatever reason, knowing damn well I lost interest at “Good Morning beautiful” text number five.

 I have made a conscious effort not to get caught in my own hype; letting people go when I realize it is not going to work out.  But there are those who stay in a never-ending cycle of flattery while nurturing relationships, be it friendly or romantic, that they know for sure they are not interested in sustaining. Stop being so into people who are into you, if you don’t care to ask important questions like “How was your day?” or “Would I actually care if we never spoke again?”, you will never find a satisfying relationship that is not based on your need for attention.

I completely understand it though, when most of your social life is based on the number of followers, likes, retweets and or “friends” you have, flattery has become ingrained in the us.  The need for acceptance is at an all time high, the need for you to actually accept, not so much. Next time ask yourself: “Am I into them?” or “Am I into the fact that they are into me?”

The Learning Curve: What I’ve learned or observed since moving to the “Black Mecca”

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I’ve been in Atlanta for a little over a year and needless to say I learned a few things about a few things.  So I will jump right into it, Here are the top 10 things I’ve learned  or observed from my new city; in no particular order

1.) Confidence goes a long way- We hear this a lot but since moving here I learned that being self-assured and sometimes overly confident is a good thing if you can deliver.

2.) People who own high-end brands sure are getting rich- Atlanta is stuntatistic.  Everyone wants to have the best of everything.  I like nice things but I live within my means.  I don’t like debt (God and Sallie Mae knows I have my fair share) and I will not sell my soul and or body for the Fall 2013 Louis Vuitton hand bag.

3.) Everyone wants to be on the scene- And what a scene it is to be on.  Being from the midwest I always think it’s funny that people down here care so much about being seen.  Where I come from you go out to have a great time, make memories and hang out with your friends.  Here it’s different.  It;s about who you know or can get to know.  How many bottles can your crew pop and last but not least how many people notice you

4.) You can never have enough malls- Don’t ever suggest a trip to the mall.  What you thought to be a simple suggestion turns into a debate…  Which mall?  What do you want to buy? High or low-end? Outside or inside? Gay or Straight? Urban or suburban? I never knew people would judge based on the malls you frequent. Apparently what mall you favor tells something about you, to me it just says ” I need new pants”.

5.) “Welcome to Atlanta where the Playas Play” is indeed a true statement-  The men and women in Atlanta play a lot of games not just in relationships with each other but in friendship as well. To me it’s a game of who has the best resource at the time. It’s a big game of who you know and what can they do for you. In terms of relationships young and old, male and female, are all about the games; no one really knows what they want not even the some who are already married and or have children.

6.) It’s gigantic little city- Atlanta is small enough to run into the same people all the time but big enough to have a long distance relationship.  Depending on your work to home commute, your home to significant others commute and not to mention the commute time to or from work to or from the significant other place of residence. You may only see them on the weekend and we haven’t factored in the daily life activities like the gym, and hobbies. The city is also big enough to date multiple people and none would be the wiser; but that would take a tremendous amount of effort and gas money.  The funnier thing is if you frequent the same places your social circle and dating pool becomes very small.

7.) The city of migrants and or immigrants- In order to meet people actually from Atlanta you have to go to the parts of the city that are on the news all the time.  I don’t tend to go that way often or at all so almost all of the people I’ve met are not from Atlanta.

8.)There are never enough Strip clubs.-  This is the strip club capital of the world.  Whatever your flavor is at the moment there is a strip club that caters to you.  Also the strip clubs are simply clubs with live entertainment, some are much less about the girls and more about the chicken wings.  I have never been to a place where going to the strip club was a normal option on the list of things to do… which brings me to my next point…

9.) Every $1.00 bill in Atlanta has been on the floor of a strip club-  When they say money is the most disgusting thing you can touch I can believe it.  From on the floor next to the stage, to tucked between a stripper’s butt cheeks. The most amazing thing I seen done with money is when the stripper can actually pick up bill with their nether regions.

10.) I don’t like to drive anymore-  Driving in a big city with traffic, terrible highway systems and nearly nonexistent public transport is the bane of my existence. I learned to drive in a state where they actually taught you how to drive under any condition, so when I first moved here I realized that I had to drive for everyone on the road because after you live in Georgia for awhile apparently you forget how to drive the correct way.  I don’t mean 10 and 2, I am talking about checking your blind spot and paying attention. Besides I spend way too much time in my car trying to get places because they are usually more than 20 minutes away or you inevitably get stuck in some form of traffic, and I never knew there were different variations of traffic.

11.) Just be yourself-  I think the reason I’ve made some strides in my life since moving to the “A” is because I’m just me, take it or leave it.  I haven’t tried to get in where I fit in, be anything or portray anything more than who  I genuinely am. This is a city you can easy lose yourself in.  It can be as fast paced as you make it.  But what works best is just being who you, genuine people tend to attract genuine people. As long as you know who are you can comfortably be that person.

Maybe I Pussy Pop on a Handstand…

In my sleep, because I clearly don’t do that shit while I’m awake.  I don’t know what it is about myself that attracts men but I have been attracting guys like a bitch in heat and I don’t knot what it is.  This weekend I purposefully did not  comb my hair put on any makeup or get dressed for that matter: college tee, flip flops and basic jeans. Do you realize I was approached by at least one guy everywhere I went ranging in ages from 24-56.  I felt like my picture was being passed around with an easy target message saying that I do “magnificent tricks and shit” and I had no idea; hence the title.

I know it seems shallow to complain about being hit on but I was exhausted and the fact that I put in  extra effort to avoid this scenario is even more disturbing.  By all means I feel that there are more attractive women all around with better faces and better bodies.  But I seem to have this problem on a regular basis, can I go to farmers market in peace please, just once.  I feel that I get approached way more than the average women.  I am starting to wonder why.  What makes a person approachable? I mean it happens in the most random places

The fact that I seem approachable is nice because men are not intimidated by me and I try very hard to be polite when turning people down. And please don’t think I mistake a hello with being hit on.  I know the difference between being polite and being interested. Women who get hit on often, and are not too full of themselves, can make that distinction.  so when I say that I was hit on, I mean full on conversation and contact info request.  I am not referring to being polite.

I feel like this a very shallow post so I will end with this.  Although it seems shallow to some and other may empathize, I am very thankful for being attractive and approachable, even though I don’t understand and sometimes struggle with it. Jesus please be some understanding.

My Table is Full so What Are You Bringing???

Young Professional.  I am beginning to hate what that means in this city.  Being from the Midwest and being a new resident of Atlanta it is causing me to reevaluate a lot of things or just make different more concise observations when it comes to dating.  Atlanta is the official City of Thirst in my mind. This city is driven by class, the illusion of wealth and earning potential. Women are trying to catch men and they have no idea how to go about it.  Looks only get you so far and in a city of attractive successful women it can barely get you noticed.

I have a friend, and I use this term very loosely, who wants has these ridiculous expectations and guidelines and maybe because I don’t really have any, I don’t understand.  I think that you should give a fair shot to anyone you are attracted to as long as they have  a legitimate job and don’t ask you to spend your money. I am this way because as an independent woman I don’t think his financial status should have anything to do with me. Another thing that bothers me about her ridiculous expectations is that she is more concerned with looks and job title rather than personality and values.  She wants a white collar black man, who is seemingly doing better than her financially, has 2 degrees,  owns or can own a home, is at least 6’0 and light skinned.  I laughed harder than you will ever understand when she said this because why does he need to be 6’0 when you are 5’4 and 5’10 in your highest platforms..  As our conversation went on I asked her what did she have to offer?  She went on to give me her stats, the thing about it was that they are the same as every other single black women I know.

I completely understand having standards but I truly believe that you have to be open to possibilities in unlikely places.  I don’t think that you have to take every endeavor seriously but getting to know someone a little regardless of your prejudgments can open you up to people and experiences that you very well miss out on otherwise.  I also think that my life experiences have put me around so many different types of people that I tend to a not have too many preconceived notions. My approach is more show me who you rather than believing that I already know. I also like to give people the opportunity to surprise me.

So with all that being said I feel that as women, especially young black professional women, we have to stop seeming so thirsty.  You are not the standard but you should become one. By that I mean in “The City of Thirst”  don’t be like everyone else chasing what happens.  Challenge yourself to be different, confident and independent; not pretending to be while waiting to be saved. Learn that in order to compliment a man you have to compliment yourself.  Have depth, your opinions should be about more than the latest fashion trend  and reality show.  However know that your opinions are only as valuable to other people’s as their opinions are to you. And above all else before you even try to give your all to someone else, give it to yourself first.  Real men can pick the lioness from the sheep.