Low self-esteem like most unpleasant things is a bitch. You can’t Love someone into Loving themselves… I was recently in a relationship with a person who seemed like he had it together, but under the surfaced he was a wreck. He never felt good enough for me. So much so that when his more successful friends showed interest in me he would tell me to weigh my options. Now I am not in the business of stroking the egos of grown ass men but I really liked him and I would for the most part ignore the advances.
I often tried to make him feel good by making sure I wanted to do things in his budget or would simply just pay for things and not asking him for anything more than time and company. What I learned as our relationship progressed is that no matter what I did that he was always insecure of where he was in life. I mean I understood some things like not really having your own place at 40 years old but he had a great heart and treated me as well or better than any other man I dated. But his insecurities caused a rift between us because he didn’t like to share because of them. I am an open book so the fact that he couldn’t share things out of shame really hurt us. I am not judgmental nor do I demand the finer things in life. I grew up in the struggle and my life until recently was one.So the fact that he was ashamed of things really baffled me.
One day when we had both had very hard days at work, being beat down by the man. I realized that nothing I could do would make him feel better and there were several things that made me come to this conclusion. The fact that he wasn’t willing to compete with seemingly more successful people for me and actually encouraged me to consider them was disheartening for me. If you don’t think you’re good enough why should I? I also noticed that while I was complaining about the perils of corporate life he would kind of shut down and look dazed. Other days he would not share anything about his day or the life. He was the type of person who felt a strong since of entitlement to nice things but realized at some point he had not attained the level of success associated with these things. He was not living the life felt he deserved and therefore I could not like/love him the way he was, where he was, as I tried so hard to do.
But you can’t Love someone into loving themselves. Happiness starts with you and as long as you are unhappy nothing will feel right or satisfying. I think that first and for most you have to be honest with yourself, then you can be honest with other people; honesty is the beginning to making yourself happy. Liking yourself simply comes from accepting yourself, flaws and all. If you accept things for what they are you can learn to be comfortable with them. You have to be willing to let someone meet you where you are even if that is not where you want to be. Be great by yourself, love yourself and allow others to do the same no matter what.