I am attracted to his best friend. This is not going to end well so I am preparing to for my exit from his life. This may have started with the awkward drunken kiss that happened between us or the day we spent together. The newness of his smell and optimism in his eyes. He did more with me in one day than my boyfriend has done with me in six months. He even taught me how to shoot a gun and told me I should get one. The hands that he had to put on my waist to steady me and slow intentional breaths he told me take. There is something about his friend that makes me curious and it may be the deliberate manner in which he secretly pursues me, or the security I feel with his height, may be the way he barely dances when we’re out or his insistence to wear shades even in dark clubs. There is a coolness about him that I am usually put off by but I’m intrigued.
I am usually pretty clear about friends being off limits but this friend… I think about him and I think about him. I wonder what he’s doing and as I pick up my phone to text him I always put the phone down, without sending anything deleting the text so that I won’t be reminded there was a draft. I put it down because he is trouble, I can see trouble a mile away and that is what this is. I am comfortable with my boyfriend but very bored and there is no spontaneity, no excitement.
My boyfriend carries a weight on his back and I can see it. It seems as though he is giving up on his dreams. This weight is in his walk and his deep thoughts. The way that he can watch TV for hours and never consider leaving the house, there is somberness to him. His best friend has zest for life and for new things, but it is his zest that gives me pause. His need to know; his curiosity about me. It is off putting because people who are this way tend to have the attention span of a puppy and curiosity as they say…. killed the cat.