Ending up on Maury is Easier Than You Think

TV Maury Povich

****Disclaimer: Always practice Safe Sex.  Nobody will protect you better than you****

When you have 3 amazing sex partners that you vibe with, trust, and don’t have easy access to, the rules of overlap go out the window because you don’t know when you will get the opportunity to have some for the best sex of your life. Sex the way God himself intended it to be. This is a post about how my carefree reckless almost ended in  a classic Maury episode.

There are 3 men well maybe 4 now I have on again off again, complicated by distance, and simple realities relationships with.  Although I could possibly be with any of these men in a healthy meaningful relationship for one reason or another I enjoy a safe emotional distance and physical distance from all of them.

The biggest reason for the aforementioned dysfunctional relations is distance non of them live in my city.  I live in Atlanta but finding a person you want to entertain let alone have sex with here, is like seeing an invisible unicorn. So with that being said when I get to experience the familiar I take full advantage of the occasion.

Week 1: Best Lover/Friend

OMG he is at the airport getting a car to my place.  “Surprise I wanted to see you and you said you weren’t doing shit this weekend.”  Of course I oblige this is the man who told me to get the hell out of my old city and try something new.  The guy who saw my potential and continues to.  We talk about everything and spend hours on the phone once every other week. So two bottles of wine, one very stimulating conversation later he says the condom broke…. “Why would you buy Durex you remember what happened last year?” I ask in a panic “That’s what they had in the airport.”  We both laugh and don’t really think twice about it.

Week 2.5:  Possible Love of my life/Possible future Fiance

He makes a planned well in advance visit to see me for the weekend.  This man could has the most potential to be my future husband and he is actually open to the idea.  We haven’t used condoms in years.  The sex was great and the Morning After Pill was bought.  However I am not sure if I took that pill fast enough or if it would even matter because of the week before.

Week 3: Never going away college fling

This man has been dicking me down longer than the other two and we have always been at each other’s beck and call. So when he invites me on a business trip I go; like I have any other time I was available to do so. I pack a bag, catch the flight and have an amazing time wherever we end up.  We always use condoms since there was that whole chlamydia thing in college; we learned our lessons so no worries, we don’t take those chances.  But somehow in the middle of all the passion, fun, dancing and vodka somehow we ran out of condoms. First of all, we both brought condoms so how is this possible???? Second, when they say alcohol lowers your inhibitions, please believe them.  As we continued our weekend together we choose to employ the pull out method; which by the the way is very effective when done correctly. But this is a true gamble for me given my recent sexcapades. But the sex was just A-MAZ-ING.

Two weeks and one ovulation later I am 2 days late… No biggie Plan B does that.

Three and four days late was a breeze life carried on a usual.

By day seven I was worried. In my naivety I had questioned all the women looking for their babies fathers on Maury. You should always know, or at least I thought… My life and my very own Maury episode was on repeat in my daydreams and nightmares,  I could only imagine trying to explain this to anyone; after all I am not seeing anyone seriously and now I have 3 possible baby daddies. My future Love of my life and 2 non committal dysfunctional on again off agains.  I couldn’t be pregnant by any of these men, a baby is not in my life plan and my mom told me to slow down a long time ago.  I finally took a test and it was negative. I wish that were a sign but I don’t feel any normal symptoms of a cycle. I make an appointment at the OBGYN.  I need answers.

On the 10th day a sigh of relief my Aunt Flow decided to finally make a visit.  I was so happy to have a cycle I didn’t want to put in a tampon… but I did.  Now this doesn’t void out the doctor I need different type of test results.


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Don't make me think I'm writing to myself...What do you think???

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