Don’t sell yourself short but don’t be ridiculous… You have know what you are willing to accept and what you’re not. If you are casually dating this could mean a few ignored texts, or a couple flakes. Whatever you do, don’t sell yourself short. But realize when you are being ridiculous. When you meet someone new, respect the fact that you are a new addition and understand that they had a life before you.
Figuring out if you like someone may take more than one date… Sometimes you vibe with people from the beginning and other times it has to build up. I think first dates are for you to simply see is if you like the person’s swag and vibe. I feel this way because first dates are usually awkward for people who aren’t into a) dating and b) aren’t comfortable with strangers. I am always leery of men who talk too fast and too smooth because they will tell you what they think you want to hear.
Don’t ignore the red flags…. Sometimes there are huge red flags like 4 children and 3 baby mothers. Or never worked a job for more than a few months at a time. Both of these things scream irresponsible to me. Sometimes there are more subtle ones like his phone continuously rings or he’s distracted. He seems in a rush or he asks questions that are too personal. No matter how comfortable you feel, a person who doesn’t want to take their time to get to know is not worth your time.
Do your research… I think social media is great, I don’t actually use it, but it is great. If a person wants to put themselves out there for the world to see, it is your duty as part of the world to see them. I think it’s ok to check facebook, twitter and instagram; as long as you’re not stalking their pages for updates and checking out their friends pages with malice intent. They show a lot about a person’s character and with that said can tell you a lot. But you can only take that stuff for face value because we can all be be whomever we choose on the internet; I know y’all watch Catfish.
Don’t get physical on the first date and don’t rush into the sex talk…. When you start to talk about sex the next step is usually sex. If you like him make him; wait. If you want to see if he is serious make him wait. Now if you are not interested in being serious and are just trying to have fun why waste time dating? I had a friend who I didn’t waste time dating, we hung out usually in the house with alcohol watching The Wire reruns. We had ok conversation that was never too personal and great sex. We didn’t dilute the situation with extravagant dates. If we went to hang out it was at the strip club… You get the picture?
Know what you want... So many of us, and by us I mean women but so many men too, don’t know what we want. Are you looking for a serious relationship? Are you dating for fun or marriage? Do you just want to get your back blown out after the club or would you like to maybe take him or her home to your parents one day? If you know where you want to go then you know what kind of person you want to invest your time in. Don’t waste time on Mr “Girl like your fat ass” when you are looking for Boaz.
Have something else to occupy your mind or at least your time… I’ve done it, I think we all have. You had a great date and you obsess about what happens next…. My advice is get a hobby that is not dating. You should not be so wrapped up with your dating life that you have nothing else to look forward to. Mainly because if it is going to get serious it takes time and effort to incorporate another person in your life. Also because you don’t want to seem or feel pressed (i.e. Desperate).
Have fun and be Open Minded… Sometimes we take ourselves too seriously. Just have fun with it and keep an open mind. What you want may not come in the package you thought it would come in. If someone wants to do something you’re not comfortable with because it’s unfamiliar, I say do it. If they want you to dress up as a Red Power Ranger; RUN. Try new things, within reason. It may work to your advantage. Just have fun and keep an open mind, you may surprise yourself.
Be Yourself… Don’t try to be anyone other than who you really are; if you fake it, it will not work. I once told a guy I was into comics and I didn’t know anything about comic. It blew up in my face when I found out he actually had all of his comics from childhood and I asked him what was difference between Marvel and DC. If you pretend it will catch up with you. Be who you are if he likes you, he likes you, if he doesn’t someone else will.