Everything L and L,
I enjoy reading your blog from time to and I would like to know your take on this. I’ve been dating a guy for about a month and I want to have sex with him but I don’t want things to change between us. Do you think there is a way to prevent this?
Umm sex is tricky. At a month into something I would think that you have a pretty good feel for this guy and what he thinks about sex, especially if you are thinking about doing it. If you think it will change things then don’t have sex with him; unless you want things to change. I am not a fan of 90 day rules or anything that places stringent terms on things like this because every situation is different. However I think if you want things to get serious you have to be strategic with your panties. I know it’s really messed up to say this but you make the guys you take serious wait, and all the others it doesn’t really matter.
In reality you have to do what feels right for you. Before having sex with anyone you should know their ideals in regards to protection, birth control and what happens if you guys slip up. If you don’t know these things then you should pump your brakes. Communication is key in any relationship so you should have this talk first. If you think this guy genuinely likes you and takes you serious then go for it, but if there are still doubts don’t.
From the sounds of this e-mail you have your doubts and maybe it has something to do with past experiences, so let me address that. If you have been wrong in the past about a man’s intentions then you need to have a serious conversation about that what his intentions are; guessing is never good for anyone. When having sex with a person you are pursuing a serious relationship with, you have to keep your expectations high for him even after you guys have sex; don’t become dicknotized. It is ok to bask in the a newness of the relationship without getting physical because getting to know someone is part of the fun, it may not be easy but it might be worth it. Also you have to remember that if it’s all good now you could have sex with him and be completely turned off, because not all dick is good dick. My advice is proceed with caution.