Things my Moms taught me about Relationships: Part II

Some of us have the most dysfunctional relationships because that is all we were taught. I believe that role models in general are important, and I have taken various approaches to life from many of the women that I know. In my life I’ve had 3 Moms and watching them has taught me various things about relationships. Part II is about my first Step-Mom.

My Father’s first wife had no biological children and was from a very tight knit family. She was really into health and fitness, teaching various aerobics classes, jogging 5 miles a day and being an avid tennis player. This was her first marriage.

How to be a Step Mom…

We all come with baggage and in relationships we have to be able to accept the baggage that the other person brings. In my fathers case I was baggage. Had it not been for my first step-mom I don’t believe that I would have known my father. The relationship she and my mother created was almost like friendship and it forged the relationship that we had. My first step mom formed a relationship with me that was completely independent from my relationship with my father. It was not forced on me, but developed very naturally or time. She made it very clear that she was not trying to or going to replace my mom. My first step mom did not kill me with kindness either, she was a disciplinarian when she needed to be, but she understood that there was a fine line she had to walk. The most important thing I learned from her was that you can never love and care about too many people no matter how they come into your life, and children are always worthy of the love and care. Being a step parent is a difficult role but the most important part of it is to have your own relationship with your step child that does not include resentment.

Take care of yourself…

As I said in the intro she was a fitness guru. It is important that we take care of ourselves and not just for our partners. It’s just the smart thing to do. But in terms of relationships, especially those that are long term, it is essential. We all know people who have been together for an extended period of time and one, if not both, have physically morphed into different people and not because of age. Being active and fit is very important and it is even more fun if you can do it together. My father wasn’t into fitness and he turned out to be the one who changed physically; a lot of times it’s the other way around. Please don’t think that I am saying you have to keep this svelte figure, what I am saying is that we should just physically take care of ourselves and always try to look nice. (I always have the lipstick and mascara handy) Not only will your partner feel good about you, but you will feel even better about yourself.

Two wrongs don’t make a right…

My father was a habitual cheater when he was with my first step Mom. He basically had a whole other family not even 10 minutes down the street. After a first step Mom realized that this wasn’t a fling she went and found her own boyfriend. When this was going on I was young and I had no idea what was really going on, however I knew that it wasn’t right. Just because a person hurts you, doesn’t mean you need to hurt them twice as bad. If you can’t find it in your heart to forgive them, or you do and they don’t change then you should move on. When you cheat because your significant other cheats you are just as wrong as they are. It is not healthy and it makes fixing the problems in your relationship twice as hard because no there is no trust. And while men complain about women’s trust issues, when you completely lose a man’s trust it’s gone forever. Revenge cheating doesn’t make you feel better it just makes the situation worst. If my boyfriend or husband finds someone who he thinks can make him happier and is a better fit, then I will let him go. If he comes back we can cross that bridge if we ever get to it.

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