Some of us have the most dysfunctional relationships because that is all we were taught. I believe that role models in general are important, and I have taken various approaches to life from many of the women that I know. In my life I’ve had 3 Moms and watching them has taught me various things about relationships. Part I is about my biological Mom.
My biological Mom is the mother of 5 children by 4 different men; needless to say she may have gotten around. She is serial monogamer and I Love her more than anything in the world, but some of the most notorious things I try to do, and not do, in relationships is because of how she handles her’s.
Communication is key…
My biological Mom is non confrontational at least until she is so mad there is no communicating. My mom will let things slide so often that it is frustrating to watch. I learned that you just have to talk about it no matter how uncomfortable; put it all out there and sort it out. This is not only true in disagreements but in just everyday life stuff. My mom doesn’t know some details because she doesn’t ask, but not because she doesn’t want to know. I ask all kinds of questions even if it makes us uncomfortable because I don’t want to wonder how you are paying bills with no job and 2 baby mamas.
In the beginning of any relationship you may try to like what the other person likes, but there is a point when you’re like “I don’t like that and I probably never will”. My Mom is a conformist and sometimes it’s like she takes an immersion course on the lives of the men she dates. I remember something about every man she has dated since I was little because she went through some strange phase. With my 1st step-dad she stopped eating pork; born and raised in the south and she gave up swine?? There was the weirdo with bipolar disorder who had her listening to smooth jazz for like 3 months. Have you ever been on a road trip where smooth jazz was the music of choice??? Well if you haven’t don’t… Then there was golf and a few other crazy things. I think that when you get with someone you have to be yourself. How can you build a lasting anything when you pretend that you like things that you really don’t and shun the things you enjoy??? It is far easier to be with someone who can be who the really who they are, than to be with someone who wants to be a reflection of you. This is not just in a hobbies but in all thing. I will never convert to a religion or start some special diet unless I feel that it is the right life choice for me. It’s just easier to be yourself in relationships, because you know that the person is there because of who you genuinely are.
Let a Man be a Man and Learn to be the Woman….
The great thing my Mon taught me about relationships is that men and women are different. As women we have to know when to let our men be men. That does not include, letting him chase whatever skirt that passes, it means to be submissive. You can be a strong woman with a man but there are times when you should not have to, nor want to, take the lead. You have to recognize his weaknesses and yours and act accordingly. If your man wants to take the extra long way to the store then sit back and let him. My mom is a great supporter and is good at being submissive when necessary. If he wants to provide let him, but you can’t be lazy. If he wants you to cook and you can, do it; and if you can’t, learn. But only if he is doing everything he is supposed to do on his end. The key part in letting a man be a man is the fact that he can’t pick and choose when he wants this role; he has to be this all the time.