*************This post will contain all kinds of contradictions **************
I can not believe that in 2012 this is still a relevant topic but sadly it is. I honestly don’t know how I feel about interracial couples. On the one hand I would like to say that as a black woman it doesn’t sting a little when you see a black man happy with a woman of a different race; but it does. But the flip side of that is, that little sting doesn’t trump the fact that people should and can fall for whomever they want. I don’t think that I, or anyone else, have the right to impose anti miscegenation on anyone. This does not take away from the fact that it does sting, and at times it even feels like a gut punch. I know this sounds crazy to some of you but I feel as though being a black woman trying to a find a man we have the slimmest pickings imaginable. Our options outside of our race are limited at best and it does not help that our biggest critics are black men. There are various reasons societally why this has happened and I believe that it’s not going to change anytime soon.
Why does it sting? It stings because there are times when my fly, semi successful, black self, looks around realizes that no one is checking for me. Not the guy in blue tie or the red tie. Not the white guy or the black guy. It truly makes you question your worth; I am attractive, educated and very well spoken, yet I get no looks. Not even one. It’s kind of like being the last on picked for a team in middle school but you don’t get picked. It stings because you have to wonder what is wrong with you, or what is wrong with the world. At the end of the day a lot of the successful black men are taken by women who don’t like me. And while we like to believe that, people date in their social circles; these negroes don’t have any white friends, and wouldn’t give a black women the time of day.
So if it stings so badly why do I feel like its ok. A close friend of mine who chooses not to date out side of his race said that he chooses not to because not one can understand his plight like a black women. While fundamentally this may be true. I feel as though he discounts the power of Love and while a person of another race may not firsthand understand what it is that we go through; they can learn and become more aware of the challenges we face. I think that Love is blind and you can’t help who you Love, and if a white man came along and can Love me for all that I am I would give it shot. There is so much embedded in a racial identity that we all have to fight some of the things that we have been taught and the things that we believe about ourselves and others. Interracial relationships bring out a lot of these beliefs.
There is much more that I can say about this but the bottom line is the stings don’t trump the fact that Love is blind and we should embrace that.
Love, Lust and Everything in Between 
You wouldn’t be the first black woman who feels a little pang in her chest when she sees a black man with a white woman and you won’t be the last … I’ve got a lot of male friends and some of them don’t check for black women at all and that shit pisses me off but hey what’s a girl to do.
I come from a hugely interracial family, every other family member is either mixed race or is dating someone that isn’t black, all of the people immediately close to me are dating non-black partners and hell my sons dad is mixed race and therefore so is my son..so I don’t really have a problem with interracial dating as long as it’s done for the right reasons.
As long as you’re dating someone because you love what that person is about, and you are truly with them for who they are as a person; I ain’t got a problem with it. But when you start dating outside your race because you think black women aren’t good or beautiful enough … that’s a problem for me and it should be a problem for you. I can’t stick black men who don’t appreciate black women because how can you then look at your mother and give her the respect she deserves when you don’t really even feel that ‘black women’ are deserving of such adoration.
Me personally .. I’ll date a fucking martian if he treats me right, makes me feel beautiful and connects with me like nobody else does!
Love the post girl xx
I agree with you, myself being a black women, feels some way when I see a black men with another race. It does sting. It stings because of all the reasons why he could be with her. Its not just love. All the reasons I hear about from black men why they love other races better. Longer hair, fairer skin, calmer attitudes. Its all stereotypes. But to me it seems that, black women do not have the same kind of luck finding a white male. With all the stereotypes surrounding black women other races feed into that. Great article!
Love,
Blithe M.
Your words inspired me. You are correct in so many ways. I absorbed your thoughts and wrote a poem in response on my blog, because I believe you are correct in pointing out that the black women in our society are undersold and worth more than they are credited for. This could not have been more apparent than when I scoured the internet for an image to accompany my poem, and found endless beautiful white models, but few black ones, and mostly presented in pornographic scenarios which were somewhat degrading. Thank you for sharing your thoughts and inspiring me to think as well. If you would like to see the post, which I credited you in, you may view it here:
http://thefostereffect.wordpress.com/2012/02/06/onyx/
I hope you do not object to me linking to your article and blog. I am new here, so I have very few followers, but I think that people should hear what you have to say.
~Foster
Def food for thought and I agree love conquers all…
Well at least you said this post would be contradictive lol.
Black women need to realize that y’all should CUT the dominant attitude.This is why black men are turning to other women.Men in general cannot stand a dominant woman.Women weren’t created to be dominant,nor dominate their men.The quickest way to chase away a man is to have this “strong,dominant” attitude that black women have.It isn’t cute and it turns off men.
So that’s the reason why black woman’s option pool in other ethnicities is slim.That dominance attitude has to go first before any guy put up with it.
As a man, I love dating all women. As a Black man, i love dating ALL women!
Life is like a buffet, there are tons of options to choose from, so why limit yourself to one? I don’t want to just eat pizza or just eat tacos. I want to try it all. It all tastes delicious. It really doesn’t matter what race a lady is, the problem is that most females don’t behave like ladies. They behave like trifling little girls. They play games, they are insecure, they are greedy and materialistic, and this happens across the whole spectrum of women, regardless of age, race, or religion. The truth is that Black men have options. Women are attracted to us from every race. Black women have options too, but jealousy shouldn’t be one of them. Jealousy is one trait that makes a gorgeous person look ugly inside and out. I think that people should spend less time criticizing others choices and spend time looking for what is good for them. Love can’t enter your life when you are filling your heart with hate.
Im truly sorry that you feel a sting, but that sting is letting you know you are a racist. Sorry to say, but its true. How do you know that man with a white, asian, or latina woman would pick you to date if he wasn’t with her? Or more to the point, since you don’t know him would you even want to date him? You are letting your preconceived ideas and bigoted opinions shape your feelings before you have any factual data, and that is at the core of a racist being.
Besides interracial babies are cute….
Funny you wrote in a post about judgmental web comments then called me racist??!?!? Can I call Bullshit??? Racist is a stretch, not sure if you read the entire post… I never said I judge, I said I felt a sting. I don’t feel any hard feelings just a sting, so maybe you should reevaluate your preconcieved notions, and read the post in its entirety. I also didn’t say anything about jealousy, if people are happy I am indeed happy for them, it’s not like a piece of me dies with every interracial couple. The fact of the matter is, these options that you speak of for black women are few and far between, and options are inherently dependant on location and status; for black men that is not so true, you have options just because. I am not saying black men are wrong, but more and more black men aren’t giving black women the time of day so please explain that to me if they have open hearts and minds, after you read the whole post of course. Also, babies are cute in general…
That same sting black women feel when they see a black guy with another race, as a black man I feel the same sting when I see a black woman with another race. Why? Because I know usually some black guy probably turned her off by doing some stupid shit, and as a result she won’t give black men another chance. It definitely goes both ways, but like you say as long as their happy overall it doesn’t really bother me.
Reblogged this on The Truth About Dating and commented:
This is a very interesting and relevant post from Love, Lust, and Everything in Between. I just had to reblog it. Enjoy!
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