Have you ever gone through your significant other’s phone, facebook, email, or anything else that wasn’t in plain sight or needed a password. I have to admit that I have. I have not done this out of curiosity; I usually do this for clarity. People talk about a woman’s intuition and I know for a fact I have a very good one, or I just pay attention to details. I can always feel when something is off in my relationships. I can feel the distance even before there is really distance. It can be in the simplest things but I notice them. I try to give him the benefit of the doubt before I go around collecting evidence, I ask questions, I try to talk about it, I watch closely to what it going on with me before I jump to any conclusions.
I know someone is going to read this and think/say that I am insecure. I don’t feel that’s the case when things are going well I dont bother with snooping. I always try to let things blow over before I snoop, when they don’t and he doesn’t provide any answers I find them for myself. In most instances I am right, there were things that he didn’t share that affected our relationship. I would not intrude on another person’s privacy if I didn’t feel like I had earned the right to do so. For example when I was growing up my parents said you didn’t get privacy until you starting paying some bills, thus earning the luxury. If the relationship is not serious then no I don’t think I earned that right. But there comes a point when privacy becomes limited. It’s different for every relationships but at this point in my relationship I don’t really expect a whole lot of privacy. I feel this way for two reasons, 1) This is what I signed up for if I had something to hide then I should be caught. 2) You only ask questions you really want the answers to, and you only look for what you really want to find; snooping can be a double-edged sword.
When asking my Mom how she felt about snooping she said our generation had a whole new set of problems with constant communication through cell phones and the internet. When she was in her 20’s everything came through a landline so it was little harder to be sneaky. She went on to say that trust is earned, it is the only thing in a relationship that doesn’t always positively correlate with the amount of time you’ve been together. Unlike Love, initially you trust the person but over time that trust can diminish but the Love continues to grow and you shouldn’t look for the truth unless you are ready to face it.
My mom had a valid point. Trust is not something you are entitled to, trust is something that you earn and is probably the easiest thing to lose in any relationship. But if you can’t handle the truth don’t go looking for it.