Every Single Woman Needs 3 Men

My friends and I continuously have a conversation about the guys we keep around or need to find and have narrowed the list down to these guys who either have skills or resources. Being single does not mean you don’t entertain the idea of men being around; to me it means the men that are around serve a purpose.  I guess the trick with this is which one are you going to sleep with, if any?  I think that every single woman needs 3 men in her life that she can call on when needed a these are the guys you try not piss off because they can be hard to come by.

A Mechanic:  If you have an older car this guy will always come in handy and if you have a newer car he will show you how to maintain it.  A Mechanic is a must have to the rooster if you don’t know much about cars.  This man will save you money in the long run by either doing repairs or not letting you get taken advantage of at a repair shop.  If you don’t know a mechanic meet or find someone who does and get to know the mechanic.  The trick with this relationship is that you should always pay him for his services if he does a repair and be very, very nice to him.  You don’t want to piss off the mechanic, because cars are unpredictable and always break down at inopportune times.  However if your dad or a family member is handy you may not need him.

Sleep with him?  NO,  you can’t mess this up with sex.  Mechanics are like polar bears these days; hard to find. Besides you will probably wonder if his hands are clean..

 

A Tech Guy: Initially I thought a computer guy but I’m technology incompetent at times, so while I know the basics about computers, I know absolutely nothing about TVs, ipads, tablets, cameras or anything else that needs to be charged.  I only use my phone for the basic functions.  A tech guy comes in handy when your computer dies or tries to, when you want to buy a TV and hook it up, when you have questions or just to watch TV, because his TV and surround sound will be better than yours.

 

Sleep with him? Maybe.  These guys are becoming more common if they don’t have an extensive knowledge of techy things they may know enough to be useful but not enough to be irreplaceable.

 

A Wallet:  This guy is who people would consider your bottom.  You may have been serious with him for a while but things didn’t work out but so when you need anything you can call him.  He is the guy with extra money who supports you when you need it.  I am not saying that you use him unnecessarily but he is a valuable resource so don’t abuse it.  This is the guy you have to keep happy while maintaining your freedom and depending on the man it’s a balancing act because you have history so feelings are involved at times.

Sleep with him?  You already have… If it doesn’t complicate things more, carry on.  However you have to be mindful that more sex can make it messier than it probably already is.  You need to keep him happy because he will be the one paying the mechanic and he may also serve as your tech guy.

 

Simple tricks to avoid the Dick

I am very pro sex. I don’t attach my emotions to every sexual encounter and I typically do with my vagina and other privater parts as I please. However there is a part of the female community that likes to withhold sex until they feel the person they are with is worth the effort, and after a few less than stellar encounters I completely understand why.  I have been trying to figure out what I can add this conversation and this is what I came up with.  So if you find yourself trying to hold out this one is for you.  If you can think of more please add them to the comment section.

1. GO OUT:  It does not have  to be some extravagant over the top activity every time.  It could be as simple as going to a coffee shop and chilling out or smoking at a hookah lounge.  If you want to avoid having sex too soon don’t find yourself alone an apartment or house for too long.

2. Don’t go out too Often: If you spend a lot of time together initially you will feel a bond faster and the attraction will be build.  I suggest taking it slow and giving yourself time to process the feelings that you have. Sometimes time apart lets you determine how much you really like someone.

3. Terrible Panties:  The oldest trick I know is to wear your least attractive underwear you own.  Period panties, the ones my dog basically ate the crouch out so there are all this tiny teeth holes, umm the ones that were accidentally bleached, or maybe even buy a pair of high waist briefs.   Unsexy panties are embarrassing and that’s why they work.

4. Never invite him in or go to his place: at least not until you are ready to be alone and are ok with the likelihood of sex.  OK, so you have went out a couple times and there is this moment when you think should “I invite him in or go to his place and have a night cap???”  I say hold up.  I like sex but in due time so when then this dilemma happens I go with nay because if it was good idea I wouldn’t question myself.

5. Don’t focus on his sexy:  There have been guys when I’m like “man he is too sexy,  I just want to know what it be like” then I’m disappointed or obsessed; more than likely disappointed. I’ve learned that if I focus on his personality I can become more attracted to someone I’m not physically feeling or less attracted to someone who I drooled over. Personality affects sex appeal and whether we want to admit it or not the finest people have the worst personalities.

A Few Simple Dating Tips….

 Don’t sell yourself short but don’t be ridiculous… You have know what you are willing to accept and what you’re not.  If you are casually dating this could mean a few ignored texts, or a couple flakes.  Whatever you do, don’t sell yourself short. But realize when you are being ridiculous.  When you meet someone new, respect the fact that you are a new addition and understand that they had a life before you.

Figuring out if you like someone may take more than one date… Sometimes you vibe with people from the beginning and other times it has to build up.  I think first dates are for you to simply see is if you like the person’s swag and vibe.  I feel this way because first dates are usually awkward for people who aren’t into  a) dating and b)  aren’t comfortable with strangers.  I am always leery of men who talk too fast and too smooth because they will tell you what they think you want to hear.

Don’t ignore the red flags…. Sometimes there are huge red flags like 4 children and 3 baby mothers.  Or never worked  a job for more than a few months at a time.  Both of these things scream irresponsible to me.  Sometimes there are more subtle ones like his phone continuously rings or he’s distracted. He seems in a rush or he asks questions that are too personal.  No matter how comfortable you feel, a person who doesn’t want to take their time to get to know is not worth your time.

Do your research…  I think social media is great, I don’t actually use it, but it is great.  If a person wants to put themselves out there for the world to see, it is your duty as part of the world to see them.  I think it’s ok to check facebook, twitter and instagram; as long as you’re not stalking their pages for updates and checking out their friends pages with malice intent.  They show a lot about a person’s character and with that said can tell you a lot.  But you can only take that stuff for face value because we can all be be whomever we choose on the internet; I know y’all watch Catfish.

Don’t get physical on the first date and don’t rush into the sex talk…. When you start to talk about sex the next step is usually sex.  If you like him make him; wait.  If you want to see if he is serious make him wait.  Now if you are not interested in being serious and are just trying to have fun why waste time dating?  I had a friend who I didn’t waste time dating, we hung out usually in the house with alcohol watching The Wire reruns.  We had ok conversation that was never too personal and great sex.  We didn’t dilute the situation with extravagant dates.  If we went to hang out it was at the strip club… You get the picture?

Know what you want...  So many of us, and by us I mean women but so many men too, don’t know what we want.  Are you looking for a serious relationship?  Are you dating for fun or marriage?  Do you just want to get your back blown out after the club or would you like to maybe take him or her home to your parents one day? If you know where you want to go then you know what kind of person you want to invest your time in. Don’t waste time on Mr “Girl like your fat ass” when you are looking for Boaz.

Have something else to occupy your mind or at least your time… I’ve done it, I think we all have.  You had a great date and you obsess about what happens next…. My advice is get a hobby that is not dating.  You should not be so wrapped up with your dating life that you have nothing else to look forward to. Mainly because if it is going to get serious it takes time and effort to incorporate another person in your life. Also because you don’t want to seem or feel pressed (i.e. Desperate).

Have fun and be Open Minded… Sometimes we take ourselves too seriously. Just have fun with it and keep an open mind.  What you want may not come in the package you thought it would come in.  If someone wants to do something you’re not comfortable with because it’s unfamiliar, I say do it. If they want you to dress up as a Red Power Ranger; RUN.  Try new things, within reason.  It may work to your advantage. Just have fun and keep an open mind, you may surprise yourself.

Be Yourself… Don’t try to be anyone other than who you really are; if you fake it, it will not work. I once told a guy I was  into comics and I didn’t know anything about comic. It blew up in my face when I found out he actually had all of his comics from childhood and I asked him what was difference between Marvel and DC. If you pretend it will catch up with you.  Be who you are if he likes you, he likes you, if he doesn’t someone else will.

I am Sex Positive

I am sex positive. I do not acknowledge or bare the shame that has been associated with my sex.  I do not feel the pressure to repress any state of my being. I go after what I want, no matter what looks are given to me.  I am sex positive because as  a child I was called “fast” and “boy crazy”. I was lead to believe that there was something wrong with my sexuality, that it was a woman’s secret and a man’s right.  I am sex positive because my ancestors were seen as and labeled hyper sexual as a way to excuse inhumane treatment; as a way to bare the same of another cultures lust.  I feel that I have the right to express myself and my sex in whichever way I see fit. I do not believe in the slut and the walk of shame simply means that my night was better than yours.  I do not acknowledge those who see me as loose, because while my “morals” may be dissolute, my vagina is resilient.  I am sex positive because double standards are bullshit and I never divide my number by 2 and subtract 3. I am sex positive because you don’t have to be video vixen, stripper or groupie/jump-off to be sexual. There is nothing wrong with my sex. I am sex positive because bad girls have more fun, because there are so many things that you experience when you give less fucks about people’s opinions.  I am sex positive because I trust myself and I know myself enough to know that sex is only one small part of who I am; it does not mold me into something or someone that I am not. I am sex positive because the women’s movement happened, because I live in a country where being sexy is great, but a women having lots of sex is not.  Where we simultaneously frown on the veil and nudity.  Where the dichotomy of acceptable and unacceptable is fluid but is always more strict on women.   I am sex positive because above all else I am a women and not just a women, a black women who is sexy and smart enough to not be bound by the constraints placed on her sex.

But the Dick was Good: Wet Beds and the Sex Deprived.

Let me tell you guys a story about how good dick can make you reconsider if not lower some standards.  So I was speaking with a good friend who has been dating a guy for awhile and she tells me after they have sex he always gets up and leaves According to him he doesn’t sleep well away from home.  Me being the skeptical one jumps the conclusion that he has someone at home waiting.  To me the only logical excuse to not sleep over the person’s house that you are dating and having sex with, is that you have to go home to someone else.

Now 2 weeks passes and he falls asleep laying next to her, she thinks that  he is finally comfortable enough at her place to sleep there so she thinks it’s victory.  She was seriously mistaking.  The next morning she woke up to a soaked mattress, clearly confused because she was sleeping next to a grown man.    When she wakes him, he explains to her that he never slept over because his bladder never fully developed as a child and he takes medication for that.  However he cannot take the medication on days when he plans on drinking alcohol.  Basically he occasionally wets the bed as an adult so he goes home and slips into some adult briefs just in case he has an accident.

I am trying to be polite and not condescending with this post because clearly this is a problem and it’s an embarrassing one at that, so no shade to him but I have to be honest….

So after laughing hysterically in disbelief, I asked was she going to continue seeing him because there is nothing sexy about sleeping next to a man in an adult sized pull-up and even less sexy is waking up in an adult sized urine puddle.  She hesitates to answer and that is when I begin to worry because clearly she is really struggling with breaking it off… She breaks out with “but the dick is good”.  0_0 Are you serious? The dick being good is not an adequate reason, to me anyway, to date man with a child’s bladder.  I understand that this is a real medical problem and maybe I am being too shallow but I like clean sheets and mattress that I have to steam clean only twice a year if I want.  I honestly don’t understand not breaking it off immediately.

Am I being too critical? Personally I’ve never had dick good enough to make me consider staying in this type of situation.

Eye Candy of the Week

Eye Candy of the Week

Eye Candy of the Week

Eye Candy of the Week

“I’m Not Here For That”: Things I’m Not here For When it comes to Men

For those of you who don’t know, not being here for something means: under these circumstances this is outside of your standard of behavior or normal activity.  Now that this is clear, I AM NOT HERE FOR…

Being a mother substitute- I Love to take care of the man I am with but, I want that man to be a man.  Not needing me but wanting me around. A man who Loves his Mama is great, but a man looking for someone to pick up where she left off is not.

The Run Around-  Say what it is.  I am a big girl I can handle it and if you don’t know, say that.  I hate situations where someone is giving me the run around because they can’t decide what they want or if they want it to continue. So instead of just being straight about it they start to give the run around.

Dirty Shoes-  Call me super shallow for this one but it is true.  I don’t give a man in dirty shoes second looks.  Sad but true.

Show offs- I Love a humble, yet arrogant, slightly cocky man; they are my truest weakness. However I’m not impressed by basic Bitch shit. As much as I love riding in a nice car with an attractive man, it doesn’t make and sometimes it breaks my image of him. Men who have to show off what they have bug me. Humility and being humble turn me on way more.

Braids-  If in 2012 you still have braids please don’t approach me.  Enough said.

Dead Beat Dads-  While I don’t usually go after men with children, I’m at the age where it becoming a more common thing.  What I am not here for is a man who says he has children and I never hear about them or see them.  Proud parents, fathers included, dote on their children and a man can only front on his level of involvement in his child’s life for so long.  So while I am no longer against a man with kids I am particular about it.

Men who don’t like dogs or animals for that matter-  I Love dogs, and I feel that there is something very human about tolerating animals.  So if a guy says he doesn’t like animals it sends me a red flag.  Actually I think he might be a serial killer.

Stupid Men- I am not talking about education level because I know plenty of stupid MBAs. I like to talk so being able to hold an intelligent conversation is a must.  Intelligent conversation means having an opinion and being able to logically back it up with some type of reasoning beyond,” that’s just my opinion”; even opinions can have fallacious reasoning.

Jealousy-  I am not a jealous person so I really don’t know if I understand this emotion.  When a man is jealous in any sense of the word it completely turns me off.  I Love a person who is happy for people around him and who is secure enough with himself to not compare himself to people in any way.  Whether this means being jealous of people’s success or the amount of attention he is being given.

Baggage-  We all have it but is in how we deal with it that counts.  If you have trust issues because the last chick slept with your roommate, that’s ok but don’t treat me like I am going to do the same.  I hate that people make it seem that only women carry these bags, when we all do.  So if I am willing to recognize and try to drop mine, then I feel that he should be willing to do the same.