Every Single Woman Needs 3 Men

My friends and I continuously have a conversation about the guys we keep around or need to find and have narrowed the list down to these guys who either have skills or resources. Being single does not mean you don’t entertain the idea of men being around; to me it means the men that are around serve a purpose.  I guess the trick with this is which one are you going to sleep with, if any?  I think that every single woman needs 3 men in her life that she can call on when needed a these are the guys you try not piss off because they can be hard to come by.

A Mechanic:  If you have an older car this guy will always come in handy and if you have a newer car he will show you how to maintain it.  A Mechanic is a must have to the rooster if you don’t know much about cars.  This man will save you money in the long run by either doing repairs or not letting you get taken advantage of at a repair shop.  If you don’t know a mechanic meet or find someone who does and get to know the mechanic.  The trick with this relationship is that you should always pay him for his services if he does a repair and be very, very nice to him.  You don’t want to piss off the mechanic, because cars are unpredictable and always break down at inopportune times.  However if your dad or a family member is handy you may not need him.

Sleep with him?  NO,  you can’t mess this up with sex.  Mechanics are like polar bears these days; hard to find. Besides you will probably wonder if his hands are clean..

 

A Tech Guy: Initially I thought a computer guy but I’m technology incompetent at times, so while I know the basics about computers, I know absolutely nothing about TVs, ipads, tablets, cameras or anything else that needs to be charged.  I only use my phone for the basic functions.  A tech guy comes in handy when your computer dies or tries to, when you want to buy a TV and hook it up, when you have questions or just to watch TV, because his TV and surround sound will be better than yours.

 

Sleep with him? Maybe.  These guys are becoming more common if they don’t have an extensive knowledge of techy things they may know enough to be useful but not enough to be irreplaceable.

 

A Wallet:  This guy is who people would consider your bottom.  You may have been serious with him for a while but things didn’t work out but so when you need anything you can call him.  He is the guy with extra money who supports you when you need it.  I am not saying that you use him unnecessarily but he is a valuable resource so don’t abuse it.  This is the guy you have to keep happy while maintaining your freedom and depending on the man it’s a balancing act because you have history so feelings are involved at times.

Sleep with him?  You already have… If it doesn’t complicate things more, carry on.  However you have to be mindful that more sex can make it messier than it probably already is.  You need to keep him happy because he will be the one paying the mechanic and he may also serve as your tech guy.

 

30 Day Challenge Day 3

Day 3: Describe how you deal with relationships.

 

Communicate, understand, be myself and forgive.  I do these things.

Communication is an important aspect of any relationship. Communicating clearly and effectively is the key to making a relationship work unfortunately men  and women communicate differently, as well as, individuals communicating differently.  I think if you can find your rhythm in terms of communication, you might be half way there in any relationship.

Understanding is simply being empathetic.  If you can understand where your partner is coming from you can settle a lot of things a lot faster.  Understanding a persons history and why they are the way they are is very important.  The thing is sometimes we get so caught up in trying to be right and prove points that we forget to be empathetic so I try to always be understanding.  However there are times when I fail miserably.

I am always myself and I never apologize for it. unfortunately not all people can deal with this but for those who can it will be one hell of a ride. I think that you can never be happy in a relationship if you try to change the essence of who you are; you have to Love you. Never being sorry for doing things that make you, you.

I believe in forgiveness,  and by forgiveness I don’t think you can ever truly think that whatever hurt you in the past will not happen again and be done by the same person.  I think you have to be accepting of a person’s shortcomings and thus forgive them.  You can’t carry the hurt with you.  To me forgiveness is about being able to look past the hurt and find the joy again. It’s about loving someone in spite of and letting go of the hope that the past could be any different.  The experience shapes us into the people we are meant to become so you have to able to forgive; even if the relationship falls apart.

Regrets

Regrets are for the birds. Own whatever you choose to do. By own I don’t mean share it all with world, I mean don’t wish you could change things. I think that hindsight is 20/20 so looking back you may think another action may have been better, and more than likely it would have been, but I always look at the circumstances and mindset behind the action. We will all do young and dumb, or just plain dumb shit; it’s part of life. Regrets in my opinion are a waste of time. I suggest we own every action or inaction with some sort of appreciation for either the fact that we were bold, growing, or already mature. You can’t change the past but you can learn from it and you can’t tell the future but you are writing it everyday.

30 things women should have and know by 30

I am fast approaching 30 and I am taking all the relevent advice I can get. I Love this book and thought it would be a good share. I copied the whole article from The Huffington Post and the original link is below.

In 1997, Glamour magazine published a story titled “30 Things Every Woman Should Have and Should Know by the Time She’s 30.” The list, written by Pamela Redmond Satran, was so popular that women started emailing it around, misattributing it to various female luminaries including Maya Angelou and Hillary Clinton. Noting what a phenomenon it had become, the editors of Glamour created a book around it, featuring essays from (mostly) famous women on each of the items on the list. The book, released today, includes meditations from Katie Couric on work and love, Portia de Rossi on accepting your body, and one from the list’s original author, who is also aHuffington Post blogger, on how to live alone.

Because the list still makes us so, so happy, we asked Glamour‘s permission to reprint it here:

By 30, you should have …

1. One old boyfriend you can imagine going back to and one who reminds you of how far you’ve come.

2. A decent piece of furniture not previously owned by anyone else in your family.

3. Something perfect to wear if the employer or man of your dreams wants to see you in an hour.

4. A purse, a suitcase, and an umbrella you’re not ashamed to be seen carrying.

5. A youth you’re content to move beyond.

6. A past juicy enough that you’re looking forward to retelling it in your old age.

7. The realization that you are actually going to have an old age — and some money set aside to help fund it.

8. An email address, a voice mailbox, and a bank account — all of which nobody has access to but you.

9. A résumé that is not even the slightest bit padded.

10. One friend who always makes you laugh and one who lets you cry.

11. A set of screwdrivers, a cordless drill, and a black lace bra.

12. Something ridiculously expensive that you bought for yourself, just because you deserve it.

13. The belief that you deserve it.

14. A skin-care regimen, an exercise routine, and a plan for dealing with those few other facets of life that don’t get better after 30.

15. A solid start on a satisfying career, a satisfying relationship, and all those other facets of life that do get better.

By 30, you should know …

1. How to fall in love without losing yourself.

2. How you feel about having kids.

3. How to quit a job, break up with a man, and confront a friend without ruining the friendship.

4. When to try harder and when to walk away.

5. How to kiss in a way that communicates perfectly what you would and wouldn’t like to happen next.

6. The names of the secretary of state, your great-grandmothers, and the best tailor in town.

7. How to live alone, even if you don’t like to.

8. Where to go — be it your best friend’s kitchen table or a yoga mat — when your soul needs soothing.

9. That you can’t change the length of your legs, the width of your hips, or the nature of your parents.

10. That your childhood may not have been perfect, but it’s over.

11. What you would and wouldn’t do for money or love.

12. That nobody gets away with smoking, drinking, doing drugs, or not flossing for very long.

13. Who you can trust, who you can’t, and why you shouldn’t take it personally.

14. Not to apologize for something that isn’t your fault.

15. Why they say life begins at 30

What’s on your personal list of things to have and know — and possibly do — before turning 30?

List excerpted from Glamour‘s “Thirty Things Every Woman Should Have and Should Know By The Time She’s 30.”

Read and excerpt from the book here.

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2012/04/24/turning-30-30-things-every-woman-should-have-and-should-know_n_1447368.html

Sex Changes Things so Talk About it

Is it to soon to talk about sex with a person you are trying to date or dating??? I think it depends.  How soon do you plan on having sex with the person?  Do you find yourself getting the urge to jump on top of them whenever you are together? If so, the you probably should probably sop reading this blog post, and talk about it.  If not then it depends.

Sex is one of those sticky subjects.  Should you be completely honest?  Are they going to judge you? You don’t want to set up these expectations that you’re easy or amazing in bed but you don’t want to seem like a prude.  More often than not we hint at the topic without having an open and honest conversation. You guys throw in a dirty joke here and there and then the next thing you know you are looking for your underwear in the dark trying to sneak out of someone’s house, and eventually you leave the underwear and get the heck out to avoid the awkward conversation that might follow. Don’t deny it, it’s OK  because this is a judgement free zone.  But all of this just happened and you have no idea what that person thinks about sex. Now I’m not suggesting that people start to talk about sex early on because I think early is changing in the minds of everyone; we are all moving at hyper speed.  With the availability of constant communication and social networking you can find out far too much too early, and without asking.

Ok so what do I think… I think that it’s never too early to have the conversation and it’s never too early to do the deed.   Don’t get me wrong it’s nice to wait but if a person is genuinely interested in you they will want to know who you are, if you wait 5 days, 5 weeks, or 5 months.  I’ve asked the guys that I know and they all seem to think that they don’t view a woman any differently based on the amount of time she makes him wait, it has more to do with how he felt about her before and where the relationship will go after that.   The general consensus is that sex early will not hinder a relationship but it begs the question, “Do you do this with everyone?”. Of course there were variables like, was alcohol involved, how much time are we spending together, and when was the last time either of us had sex? But those questions didn’t change the ultimate answer.

It is very important to note that although I may have an “it’s just sex” attitude, I can recognize that sex does change things between people and we should respect that fact.  So if you are going to have sex be ready for the consequences. This person may judge you on your performance or they may judge you because you were easy and maybe even lose respect for you, even in 2012 with a new sexual revolution going on.  So be ready.

Loyal, Lazy, Afraid of being Lonely and Selling Yourself Short

Have you ever wondered why people stay in relationships when you know for a fact they can do better?  Have you stayed in relationship knowing that it was just good enough but you weren’t totally fulfilled?  I am going to address some of the issues I see with people in these relationships based on my observations of the people around me.

Loyal:

Loyalty is a very good quality to have. It is always good to have your significant others back no matter what.  Loyalty is a key part of commitment and it is what creates trust in relationships.  However the greatest loyalty one can have before marriage and children is to one’s self.  If you tell me that you are in a relationship because you feel like you are the most positive part of the person’s life, I have to ask what effect are they having on your life? Loyalty will look at the potential of the person instead if where they are now.  In some instances this is a good thing but in others not so much.  Sometimes we are so focused on what a person can be we don’t look at who they are now.  Loyalty can blind to the fact that this person has no work ethic even though they have the necessary skills to work. Loyalty can make us think that our unwavering commitment is more important than any other aspects of the relationship.

Tired of being Lonely and Lazy:

Some things about being single are awesome and some are not.  There comes a point when you are surrounded by couples and even excluded for not being in a relationship. Sometimes when this happens we settle.  We get into a relationship with the first person interested in being in one with us.  We have the satisfaction of being with someone.  We are no longer lonely and when we start to figure out that this was not the best idea. We are too lazy to find someone new and too afraid of being lonely again. I completely understand that if the puzzle piece doesn’t fit we can trim to make sure that it does; but in the end it will mess up the puzzle’s intended picture. Afraid of being lonely, and being lazy, is settling there is no other was to slice that cake. At this point, not only are we afraid of loneliness and lazy, but now we are loyal to this person who is seemingly ok for us but not the best fit.

Selling yourself short:

In the past I thought that people date according to who they were surrounded by and who they were approached by. The older and more experienced in this dating scenario I get, the more I find that is only somewhat true.  People in my age group, frequent the same places, no matter what their occupation and social standing.  As a matter of fact, I have a friend who is approached by all types of guys, but in my opinion, she always to seem to go for the lower caliber guys.  I am starting to think that she doesn’t think that she is good enough. Maybe she wants to prove that she is still down.  What ever the case is I always think she is selling herself short. When I compare who she chooses to date, to who she could potentially date I am baffled. I refuse to sell myself short in terms of dating. I have just as much to offer  if not more than my competition; but that may just be the cocky me talking.  I don’t think you should ever sell yourself short when dating.  You just end up wasting time.

Alpha Female seeks Alpha Male: Please Apply Within

Funny conversation happened to me this weekend.  I was sitting at a local bar with my bff and as usual we turned a few heads.  I was approached by a interesting character, whom I will call Memphis, I think that’s where he was from.  Memphis and I started having a conversation about family and children.  How we got on this subject I have no idea.  But I explained that I wanted 3 children not too far apart in age and I didn’t want to work until they were of school age.  He laughed and asked if I wanted to be taken care of.  I said no I am very capable and willing to work and my work ethic was impeccable.  But with my current salary would cover a little more than childcare cost for 3 children.  Then he asked if I was looking for an Alpha male or someone who makes enough to make it happen. This is a loaded question.

I explained that my taste in men has always leaned toward the Alpha male types, my dad is that way.  I like men who know what they want and go after it with nothing stopping them.  I am also attracted to men who take the lead instead of those who follow. The problem with these men is the ability to keep their attention   takes skill and at times it is not worth the effort.  They tend to be so focused on their goals that you turn into more of a distraction than a partner. I prefer a strong partnership above all else.  So while I am most attracted to this type of man I don’t usually date them.

Memphis brought up a good point.  If you want that type, you have to be that type.  Strong men are attracted to strong women.  Men want you to bring just as much to the table as they do, because there are women lined up around the block for successful men. I agreed and I noticed that the difference between me and those women is that he was talking to me and not them, but the options were limited that night some I’m not patting myself too hard on the back.

In my dealings with driven men I’ve found that they all want a good balance of someone who will understand that they are not available and be willing to handle that, as well as, play a supporting role to them.  But on the other hand they want you to be available because they are not so understanding.  At times I think these men don’t know what they want. Above all they want to spread their seed.  So… until the Alpha man can bring a uterus and another set of genetics I will always bring more lol, at least in my opinion.

Please correct me if I’m wrong.