Friends with Benefits Gone Awry

What do you when the person you crave looks pass you? Keep in mind this person is always around always a friend and always an outlet.  What do you do?  I really don’t have an answer for this.  This post is not a declaration it is simply a brainstorm. I don’t always know the answer to my questions and sometimes I never figure them out.

I know that friends with benefits can be beneficial in some instances.  I know that sometimes you actually become friends. You learn how to put a wall up and you just separate the sex from the friendship.  Honestly you can only spend so much  time being naked with someone without creating a certain level of comfort with them; and we know where that leads.

Friends with benefits should have an expiration date.  We all need to grow and learn to be emotional and open to the possibility of being hurt.  At some point friends with benefits has to progress or stop. Progression is what happens sometimes.  But how do you just stop???  It turns into your drug of choice only needing a fix every now and then.  But this fix fast becomes a habit and the next thing you know, you are thinking about forever and what that would mean if it was together.  But there is this wall…

The rules that you created to protect yourself in the beginning have become your worst enemy and what you forgot to do was get to know the person you have spent so much time with; naked.  All the time that was focused on the physical has become this emotional burden because the person you have seemingly become the closest to and care about on a more than basic level is actually a stranger that has built the same wall you built in the beginning and they have become very comfortable with it while you are ready to tear it down.

What you learn in trying to tear this wall down is that they continue to build it higher and with stronger material because the truth is, the only part you play in their life at this moment is the only part they ever want you play.  The friendship was an added bonus and they actually don’t value it much at all.

As much as it hurts you move on, you move on learning a very important lesson. What the lesson will be for you,  I really don’t know but we all have to live and learn.  My lesson was simply value the people who actually value you. If you come to point where you have to question your worth to another a person then its time to move on; be it friendships or relationships.

“I call him red shirt cause he wear a red shirt”

I Love ratchet rap music just like the next girl. But really can you at least find out my name. Has it gotten to the point where men are no longer held accountable for such a simple task?  I recently moved to the city of thirst, Atlanta, GA.  I’ve learned a few things since I’ve been here, but that will come in later post. As far as this post goes I’m going to refer to any man who approaches me from now on by some insignificant detail that may or may not make him stand out.  Walking through a Wally World I was approached with the classic “Aye Shawty Wah Cho Name Iah?”, (translation: “Excuse me Ma’am, what’s your name?”).  First off I’m from the mid-west so this whole accent thing is kinda new to me and second I’m not impressed.  He went on to tell me that he was aspiring to be a rapper and knew TI.  Which very well may be true, but the approach was terrible and after he asked my name he said can “Can I call you Caramel? Cause your caramel skin looks so sweet”  I asked was he serious and he said well “I will remember you better if I give you a name that’s just for me?” I told him he was not 2Chainz and I was not interested, I’m involved .  I was amused, but Wal-Mart of all paces with that approach?  I guess its refreshing to know that there are men who don’t need a buzz to approach out there. So Red shirt will not be getting any first, let alone, second thoughts.  But I do admire his confidence.

But the Dick was Good: Wet Beds and the Sex Deprived.

Let me tell you guys a story about how good dick can make you reconsider if not lower some standards.  So I was speaking with a good friend who has been dating a guy for awhile and she tells me after they have sex he always gets up and leaves According to him he doesn’t sleep well away from home.  Me being the skeptical one jumps the conclusion that he has someone at home waiting.  To me the only logical excuse to not sleep over the person’s house that you are dating and having sex with, is that you have to go home to someone else.

Now 2 weeks passes and he falls asleep laying next to her, she thinks that  he is finally comfortable enough at her place to sleep there so she thinks it’s victory.  She was seriously mistaking.  The next morning she woke up to a soaked mattress, clearly confused because she was sleeping next to a grown man.    When she wakes him, he explains to her that he never slept over because his bladder never fully developed as a child and he takes medication for that.  However he cannot take the medication on days when he plans on drinking alcohol.  Basically he occasionally wets the bed as an adult so he goes home and slips into some adult briefs just in case he has an accident.

I am trying to be polite and not condescending with this post because clearly this is a problem and it’s an embarrassing one at that, so no shade to him but I have to be honest….

So after laughing hysterically in disbelief, I asked was she going to continue seeing him because there is nothing sexy about sleeping next to a man in an adult sized pull-up and even less sexy is waking up in an adult sized urine puddle.  She hesitates to answer and that is when I begin to worry because clearly she is really struggling with breaking it off… She breaks out with “but the dick is good”.  0_0 Are you serious? The dick being good is not an adequate reason, to me anyway, to date man with a child’s bladder.  I understand that this is a real medical problem and maybe I am being too shallow but I like clean sheets and mattress that I have to steam clean only twice a year if I want.  I honestly don’t understand not breaking it off immediately.

Am I being too critical? Personally I’ve never had dick good enough to make me consider staying in this type of situation.

Eye Candy of the Week

Eye Candy of the Week

Eye Candy of the Week

Eye Candy of the Week

“I’m Not Here For That”: Things I’m Not here For When it comes to Men

For those of you who don’t know, not being here for something means: under these circumstances this is outside of your standard of behavior or normal activity.  Now that this is clear, I AM NOT HERE FOR…

Being a mother substitute- I Love to take care of the man I am with but, I want that man to be a man.  Not needing me but wanting me around. A man who Loves his Mama is great, but a man looking for someone to pick up where she left off is not.

The Run Around-  Say what it is.  I am a big girl I can handle it and if you don’t know, say that.  I hate situations where someone is giving me the run around because they can’t decide what they want or if they want it to continue. So instead of just being straight about it they start to give the run around.

Dirty Shoes-  Call me super shallow for this one but it is true.  I don’t give a man in dirty shoes second looks.  Sad but true.

Show offs- I Love a humble, yet arrogant, slightly cocky man; they are my truest weakness. However I’m not impressed by basic Bitch shit. As much as I love riding in a nice car with an attractive man, it doesn’t make and sometimes it breaks my image of him. Men who have to show off what they have bug me. Humility and being humble turn me on way more.

Braids-  If in 2012 you still have braids please don’t approach me.  Enough said.

Dead Beat Dads-  While I don’t usually go after men with children, I’m at the age where it becoming a more common thing.  What I am not here for is a man who says he has children and I never hear about them or see them.  Proud parents, fathers included, dote on their children and a man can only front on his level of involvement in his child’s life for so long.  So while I am no longer against a man with kids I am particular about it.

Men who don’t like dogs or animals for that matter-  I Love dogs, and I feel that there is something very human about tolerating animals.  So if a guy says he doesn’t like animals it sends me a red flag.  Actually I think he might be a serial killer.

Stupid Men- I am not talking about education level because I know plenty of stupid MBAs. I like to talk so being able to hold an intelligent conversation is a must.  Intelligent conversation means having an opinion and being able to logically back it up with some type of reasoning beyond,” that’s just my opinion”; even opinions can have fallacious reasoning.

Jealousy-  I am not a jealous person so I really don’t know if I understand this emotion.  When a man is jealous in any sense of the word it completely turns me off.  I Love a person who is happy for people around him and who is secure enough with himself to not compare himself to people in any way.  Whether this means being jealous of people’s success or the amount of attention he is being given.

Baggage-  We all have it but is in how we deal with it that counts.  If you have trust issues because the last chick slept with your roommate, that’s ok but don’t treat me like I am going to do the same.  I hate that people make it seem that only women carry these bags, when we all do.  So if I am willing to recognize and try to drop mine, then I feel that he should be willing to do the same.

Eye Candy of the Week

Eye Candy of the Week

Just for theferkel