Every Single Woman Needs 3 Men

My friends and I continuously have a conversation about the guys we keep around or need to find and have narrowed the list down to these guys who either have skills or resources. Being single does not mean you don’t entertain the idea of men being around; to me it means the men that are around serve a purpose.  I guess the trick with this is which one are you going to sleep with, if any?  I think that every single woman needs 3 men in her life that she can call on when needed a these are the guys you try not piss off because they can be hard to come by.

A Mechanic:  If you have an older car this guy will always come in handy and if you have a newer car he will show you how to maintain it.  A Mechanic is a must have to the rooster if you don’t know much about cars.  This man will save you money in the long run by either doing repairs or not letting you get taken advantage of at a repair shop.  If you don’t know a mechanic meet or find someone who does and get to know the mechanic.  The trick with this relationship is that you should always pay him for his services if he does a repair and be very, very nice to him.  You don’t want to piss off the mechanic, because cars are unpredictable and always break down at inopportune times.  However if your dad or a family member is handy you may not need him.

Sleep with him?  NO,  you can’t mess this up with sex.  Mechanics are like polar bears these days; hard to find. Besides you will probably wonder if his hands are clean..

 

A Tech Guy: Initially I thought a computer guy but I’m technology incompetent at times, so while I know the basics about computers, I know absolutely nothing about TVs, ipads, tablets, cameras or anything else that needs to be charged.  I only use my phone for the basic functions.  A tech guy comes in handy when your computer dies or tries to, when you want to buy a TV and hook it up, when you have questions or just to watch TV, because his TV and surround sound will be better than yours.

 

Sleep with him? Maybe.  These guys are becoming more common if they don’t have an extensive knowledge of techy things they may know enough to be useful but not enough to be irreplaceable.

 

A Wallet:  This guy is who people would consider your bottom.  You may have been serious with him for a while but things didn’t work out but so when you need anything you can call him.  He is the guy with extra money who supports you when you need it.  I am not saying that you use him unnecessarily but he is a valuable resource so don’t abuse it.  This is the guy you have to keep happy while maintaining your freedom and depending on the man it’s a balancing act because you have history so feelings are involved at times.

Sleep with him?  You already have… If it doesn’t complicate things more, carry on.  However you have to be mindful that more sex can make it messier than it probably already is.  You need to keep him happy because he will be the one paying the mechanic and he may also serve as your tech guy.

 

Simple tricks to avoid the Dick

I am very pro sex. I don’t attach my emotions to every sexual encounter and I typically do with my vagina and other privater parts as I please. However there is a part of the female community that likes to withhold sex until they feel the person they are with is worth the effort, and after a few less than stellar encounters I completely understand why.  I have been trying to figure out what I can add this conversation and this is what I came up with.  So if you find yourself trying to hold out this one is for you.  If you can think of more please add them to the comment section.

1. GO OUT:  It does not have  to be some extravagant over the top activity every time.  It could be as simple as going to a coffee shop and chilling out or smoking at a hookah lounge.  If you want to avoid having sex too soon don’t find yourself alone an apartment or house for too long.

2. Don’t go out too Often: If you spend a lot of time together initially you will feel a bond faster and the attraction will be build.  I suggest taking it slow and giving yourself time to process the feelings that you have. Sometimes time apart lets you determine how much you really like someone.

3. Terrible Panties:  The oldest trick I know is to wear your least attractive underwear you own.  Period panties, the ones my dog basically ate the crouch out so there are all this tiny teeth holes, umm the ones that were accidentally bleached, or maybe even buy a pair of high waist briefs.   Unsexy panties are embarrassing and that’s why they work.

4. Never invite him in or go to his place: at least not until you are ready to be alone and are ok with the likelihood of sex.  OK, so you have went out a couple times and there is this moment when you think should “I invite him in or go to his place and have a night cap???”  I say hold up.  I like sex but in due time so when then this dilemma happens I go with nay because if it was good idea I wouldn’t question myself.

5. Don’t focus on his sexy:  There have been guys when I’m like “man he is too sexy,  I just want to know what it be like” then I’m disappointed or obsessed; more than likely disappointed. I’ve learned that if I focus on his personality I can become more attracted to someone I’m not physically feeling or less attracted to someone who I drooled over. Personality affects sex appeal and whether we want to admit it or not the finest people have the worst personalities.

Being upset is a side effect of giving a fuck.

I have  tendency to not be upset, I typically just move on to the next without questions or very much thought… Call it my flaw of indifference.  Typically I’m indifferent the early stages of things, I think that we should all be a little indifferent because everyone you meet is not going to like you. It is interesting that people get so wrapped so fast.  Typically I always have one foot out the door and a couple of players warmed up, just in case.

The way I know that I really like a guy is when I care about how he feels and I’m upset or disappointed by something he does or doesn’t do.  In that moment I think to myself “Damn it he’s got me”.  There is one person in particular that I try my damnedest to be great for.  Not because I’m not great anyway, but he brings out the best in me.  He makes me want to be everything I never thought I wanted to be.  So one time when he didn’t call me back, like he said he would, I was upset and then I knew I gave a more than a few fucks because I actually ran through all of the things he could be doing besides talking to me.  In reality he was asleep and I was wondering what he was doing but of course I didn’t call (I didn’t want to seem too pressed).  Under a normal circumstance I would have forgot he was supposed to call back or not thought twice about it.

In short, I try to only waste energy on people I like I don’t over analyze or agonize over the ones around for entertainment and company.  I like doing random things and I need people around who want to do it with me.  You have to decide when to care. With careful control over your impulsive emotions you too can seem not only heartless but can become indifferent too.  I know someone is reading this like what good is a chick who doesn’t get upset.  People think that women need to have emotions so men can have reactions.  So to you I say the fact that I’m single says a lot about how I treat these hoes…  Not saying that I haven’t been in a meaningful fulfilling relationship. I just try to put potential relationship energy into people who I could potentially be in a relationship with. So please be careful because being upset directly correlates to giving a fuck.

Popularity and Me

I am uncomfortable with popularity.  I never liked the popular guy because he seemed too exposed.  I guess I am uncomfortable with popularity because I don’t want to fall into the be seen not heard category, being an attractive women with a popular man that can happen and has happened. Amber Rose wasn’t heard until she broke up with Kanye . I think she is interesting person.  She has been quoted telling aspiring video hoes to sell an image not their bodies.  Also I always associated popularity with unnecessary drama and the rumor mill both of which I choose to not be a part of.

I guess this something I need to work on because at the end of the day,  I believe in enjoying the person I choose to be with no matter what; popularity shouldn’t bother me.  I guess I’m just leery.  I am the person who is not on fb for more than a day at a time per business quarter and who sporadically tweets.  I kept a very low profile for reasons but it has become a way of life for me and I like it that way… Kinda like being a phantom. I move seamlessly in an out of social groups without leaving anything more than memories.

I guess the funniest part about all of this is I’ve never felt more like myself than I do at this time in my life.  I am content with who I am becoming and where my life is headed.  So it’s not about insecurity; even the thought of me being insecure is crazy.  I’m working on it though so as he would say… Stay Tuned.

Friends with Benefits Gone Awry

What do you when the person you crave looks pass you? Keep in mind this person is always around always a friend and always an outlet.  What do you do?  I really don’t have an answer for this.  This post is not a declaration it is simply a brainstorm. I don’t always know the answer to my questions and sometimes I never figure them out.

I know that friends with benefits can be beneficial in some instances.  I know that sometimes you actually become friends. You learn how to put a wall up and you just separate the sex from the friendship.  Honestly you can only spend so much  time being naked with someone without creating a certain level of comfort with them; and we know where that leads.

Friends with benefits should have an expiration date.  We all need to grow and learn to be emotional and open to the possibility of being hurt.  At some point friends with benefits has to progress or stop. Progression is what happens sometimes.  But how do you just stop???  It turns into your drug of choice only needing a fix every now and then.  But this fix fast becomes a habit and the next thing you know, you are thinking about forever and what that would mean if it was together.  But there is this wall…

The rules that you created to protect yourself in the beginning have become your worst enemy and what you forgot to do was get to know the person you have spent so much time with; naked.  All the time that was focused on the physical has become this emotional burden because the person you have seemingly become the closest to and care about on a more than basic level is actually a stranger that has built the same wall you built in the beginning and they have become very comfortable with it while you are ready to tear it down.

What you learn in trying to tear this wall down is that they continue to build it higher and with stronger material because the truth is, the only part you play in their life at this moment is the only part they ever want you play.  The friendship was an added bonus and they actually don’t value it much at all.

As much as it hurts you move on, you move on learning a very important lesson. What the lesson will be for you,  I really don’t know but we all have to live and learn.  My lesson was simply value the people who actually value you. If you come to point where you have to question your worth to another a person then its time to move on; be it friendships or relationships.

2013: WoManifesto

2012 was a Basic Bitch to me…. I am so happy it is over.  2013 is a new year and I learned a lot over the last 12 months.  I had a few epic adventures but far more epic fails.  I felt as if things and people were passing me by and I got stuck so this is dedicated to 2013.

2013,

I promise that I will acknowledge my flaws and learn from my mistakes   I promise to make things happen and not wait for them.  I promise to write more and and think about what I write less. In all ways and in all things I will be a better person to myself and to other people.  I will never stop learning and never get comfortable.  My happiness is my own responsibility and I will think beyond momentary happiness and learn to focus on a happiness that can be sustained.  I will become more dependent on me and learn to be happy with that.

I am and will always be my own person not conforming to anyone else’s idea of who I should be.  I will take heed to the fact that character is far more important than reputation.  Reputation is what people think of you and it can be tainted by one action. Whereas character is who you have chosen to be, and is built over many actions.  I will be a better sister and friend. I’ve learned that I can be very selfish and it’s not always blatant and usually is some form of self preservation, it’s not necessary all the time. I’m done looking for Love, it’s out there and it will find me if it already hasn’t.  My guy doesn’t have to be perfect and I will never understand men.  I promise to not settle…

This year will be great and it’s really up to me to make it that way.

I am Sex Positive

I am sex positive. I do not acknowledge or bare the shame that has been associated with my sex.  I do not feel the pressure to repress any state of my being. I go after what I want, no matter what looks are given to me.  I am sex positive because as  a child I was called “fast” and “boy crazy”. I was lead to believe that there was something wrong with my sexuality, that it was a woman’s secret and a man’s right.  I am sex positive because my ancestors were seen as and labeled hyper sexual as a way to excuse inhumane treatment; as a way to bare the same of another cultures lust.  I feel that I have the right to express myself and my sex in whichever way I see fit. I do not believe in the slut and the walk of shame simply means that my night was better than yours.  I do not acknowledge those who see me as loose, because while my “morals” may be dissolute, my vagina is resilient.  I am sex positive because double standards are bullshit and I never divide my number by 2 and subtract 3. I am sex positive because you don’t have to be video vixen, stripper or groupie/jump-off to be sexual. There is nothing wrong with my sex. I am sex positive because bad girls have more fun, because there are so many things that you experience when you give less fucks about people’s opinions.  I am sex positive because I trust myself and I know myself enough to know that sex is only one small part of who I am; it does not mold me into something or someone that I am not. I am sex positive because the women’s movement happened, because I live in a country where being sexy is great, but a women having lots of sex is not.  Where we simultaneously frown on the veil and nudity.  Where the dichotomy of acceptable and unacceptable is fluid but is always more strict on women.   I am sex positive because above all else I am a women and not just a women, a black women who is sexy and smart enough to not be bound by the constraints placed on her sex.

10 Things We Should All Stop Waiting For

 

1. The profound moment when you just know.
2. Gas prices to drop
3. Lauryn Hill to make another album and a Destiny’s Child Reunion
4. The perfect job- Very few of us get the privilege to do what we love. Many of us learn to love what we end up doing; or despising it.
5. Things to happen for us- You have to make them happen
6. Happiness to find us-  You are responsible for your own personal happiness so you need to figure out how to be happy
7. To have enough money to start saving- my step mom always says pay yourself first.
8. The right moment to break up-  it will always be awkward and the more time that passes the more unhappy you will become.
9. The Apocalypse-  I’ve survived way too many for any future predictions to be trusted.
10. The ONE

“I’m Not Here For That”: Things I’m Not here For When it comes to Men

For those of you who don’t know, not being here for something means: under these circumstances this is outside of your standard of behavior or normal activity.  Now that this is clear, I AM NOT HERE FOR…

Being a mother substitute- I Love to take care of the man I am with but, I want that man to be a man.  Not needing me but wanting me around. A man who Loves his Mama is great, but a man looking for someone to pick up where she left off is not.

The Run Around-  Say what it is.  I am a big girl I can handle it and if you don’t know, say that.  I hate situations where someone is giving me the run around because they can’t decide what they want or if they want it to continue. So instead of just being straight about it they start to give the run around.

Dirty Shoes-  Call me super shallow for this one but it is true.  I don’t give a man in dirty shoes second looks.  Sad but true.

Show offs- I Love a humble, yet arrogant, slightly cocky man; they are my truest weakness. However I’m not impressed by basic Bitch shit. As much as I love riding in a nice car with an attractive man, it doesn’t make and sometimes it breaks my image of him. Men who have to show off what they have bug me. Humility and being humble turn me on way more.

Braids-  If in 2012 you still have braids please don’t approach me.  Enough said.

Dead Beat Dads-  While I don’t usually go after men with children, I’m at the age where it becoming a more common thing.  What I am not here for is a man who says he has children and I never hear about them or see them.  Proud parents, fathers included, dote on their children and a man can only front on his level of involvement in his child’s life for so long.  So while I am no longer against a man with kids I am particular about it.

Men who don’t like dogs or animals for that matter-  I Love dogs, and I feel that there is something very human about tolerating animals.  So if a guy says he doesn’t like animals it sends me a red flag.  Actually I think he might be a serial killer.

Stupid Men- I am not talking about education level because I know plenty of stupid MBAs. I like to talk so being able to hold an intelligent conversation is a must.  Intelligent conversation means having an opinion and being able to logically back it up with some type of reasoning beyond,” that’s just my opinion”; even opinions can have fallacious reasoning.

Jealousy-  I am not a jealous person so I really don’t know if I understand this emotion.  When a man is jealous in any sense of the word it completely turns me off.  I Love a person who is happy for people around him and who is secure enough with himself to not compare himself to people in any way.  Whether this means being jealous of people’s success or the amount of attention he is being given.

Baggage-  We all have it but is in how we deal with it that counts.  If you have trust issues because the last chick slept with your roommate, that’s ok but don’t treat me like I am going to do the same.  I hate that people make it seem that only women carry these bags, when we all do.  So if I am willing to recognize and try to drop mine, then I feel that he should be willing to do the same.

Let Go, Move on, Grow the Hell UP

Every relationship is not supposed to last forever, actually most relationships won’t last forever.  People perpetually try to make it work. If you have to make it work, then it is clearly not working.  I find it crazy that people, especially women, put themselves in these situations where they want to wait around on a person to become who they want them to be. FYI ladies  they should already be that.  I like for people to be who they are, if we grow together it is a beautiful thing and if we grow apart, it’s on to the next. I know people who feel like they invest time in men to only have things fall apart every time.  To them I say don’t hold onto one man so tight, unless of course you’re married.  I would also say it fell apart for reason everyone isn’t going to be the one.  Chase your dreams not a man, and eventually you will find the one for you.

Break ups hurt, but sometimes relationships are  a part of the stepping-stones to the rest of your life.  Why would you want to stunt your growth waiting for someone or something to happen? We all have to grow at our own pace and we can’t fight it by staying in the same situations. We do this because we are always afraid to leave the ONE, but what I know about the ONE is deep down we know when a person is not it. The problem is we are so jaded by the fact that a lot things don’t work out, that we try to make them, and when it falls through it hurts. In the end you have to be open to get hurt and open to Love again. Remember that Love is one of the most amazing feelings and it is OK to try again.  But in the mean time enjoy being you, love yourself more for once and take this opportunity to Let Go, Move on and Grow up.