Simple tricks to avoid the Dick

I am very pro sex. I don’t attach my emotions to every sexual encounter and I typically do with my vagina and other privater parts as I please. However there is a part of the female community that likes to withhold sex until they feel the person they are with is worth the effort, and after a few less than stellar encounters I completely understand why.  I have been trying to figure out what I can add this conversation and this is what I came up with.  So if you find yourself trying to hold out this one is for you.  If you can think of more please add them to the comment section.

1. GO OUT:  It does not have  to be some extravagant over the top activity every time.  It could be as simple as going to a coffee shop and chilling out or smoking at a hookah lounge.  If you want to avoid having sex too soon don’t find yourself alone an apartment or house for too long.

2. Don’t go out too Often: If you spend a lot of time together initially you will feel a bond faster and the attraction will be build.  I suggest taking it slow and giving yourself time to process the feelings that you have. Sometimes time apart lets you determine how much you really like someone.

3. Terrible Panties:  The oldest trick I know is to wear your least attractive underwear you own.  Period panties, the ones my dog basically ate the crouch out so there are all this tiny teeth holes, umm the ones that were accidentally bleached, or maybe even buy a pair of high waist briefs.   Unsexy panties are embarrassing and that’s why they work.

4. Never invite him in or go to his place: at least not until you are ready to be alone and are ok with the likelihood of sex.  OK, so you have went out a couple times and there is this moment when you think should “I invite him in or go to his place and have a night cap???”  I say hold up.  I like sex but in due time so when then this dilemma happens I go with nay because if it was good idea I wouldn’t question myself.

5. Don’t focus on his sexy:  There have been guys when I’m like “man he is too sexy,  I just want to know what it be like” then I’m disappointed or obsessed; more than likely disappointed. I’ve learned that if I focus on his personality I can become more attracted to someone I’m not physically feeling or less attracted to someone who I drooled over. Personality affects sex appeal and whether we want to admit it or not the finest people have the worst personalities.

But the Dick was Good: Wet Beds and the Sex Deprived.

Let me tell you guys a story about how good dick can make you reconsider if not lower some standards.  So I was speaking with a good friend who has been dating a guy for awhile and she tells me after they have sex he always gets up and leaves According to him he doesn’t sleep well away from home.  Me being the skeptical one jumps the conclusion that he has someone at home waiting.  To me the only logical excuse to not sleep over the person’s house that you are dating and having sex with, is that you have to go home to someone else.

Now 2 weeks passes and he falls asleep laying next to her, she thinks that  he is finally comfortable enough at her place to sleep there so she thinks it’s victory.  She was seriously mistaking.  The next morning she woke up to a soaked mattress, clearly confused because she was sleeping next to a grown man.    When she wakes him, he explains to her that he never slept over because his bladder never fully developed as a child and he takes medication for that.  However he cannot take the medication on days when he plans on drinking alcohol.  Basically he occasionally wets the bed as an adult so he goes home and slips into some adult briefs just in case he has an accident.

I am trying to be polite and not condescending with this post because clearly this is a problem and it’s an embarrassing one at that, so no shade to him but I have to be honest….

So after laughing hysterically in disbelief, I asked was she going to continue seeing him because there is nothing sexy about sleeping next to a man in an adult sized pull-up and even less sexy is waking up in an adult sized urine puddle.  She hesitates to answer and that is when I begin to worry because clearly she is really struggling with breaking it off… She breaks out with “but the dick is good”.  0_0 Are you serious? The dick being good is not an adequate reason, to me anyway, to date man with a child’s bladder.  I understand that this is a real medical problem and maybe I am being too shallow but I like clean sheets and mattress that I have to steam clean only twice a year if I want.  I honestly don’t understand not breaking it off immediately.

Am I being too critical? Personally I’ve never had dick good enough to make me consider staying in this type of situation.

600 miles is a Large Void to Fill.

I am always in awe of people who can sustain a long distance relationship, for several reasons.  By long distance I mean more than 6 hours away. I think that any trip that is going to take more that 1/2 a days drive to and from needs more planning and preparation.  Maybe it’s because I’ve never had to do it? Maybe, I don’t think that I could? Maybe, I know that I may not be built for that type of situation; although that doesn’t mean that I wouldn’t.  So in along distance relationship what does one do when he or she gets lonely and wants someone to keep them company???? I tend to think about these things, because I don’t believe that distance makes the heart grow fonder.  I’m not sure that in a relationship that didn’t start off as long distance that it would ever work, unless of course there was no temptation what so ever and here is why.

No Bed Checks:  You say you’re going to call it a night, but what you’re really doing is playing music and hanging out with friends, maybe you hit a club. The next morning when asked how your night was you say it was good.  After all it was good, but you didn’t exactly call it a night.

Distance Creates Distance:  Although you Love and care about this person you are not in close enough proximity to truly witness how your actions affect your partner.  Physical distance make it’s easier to create emotional distance between people.  Kinda like how we all know that there are starving children around the world, but seeing how they are not starving in our front yards we don’t exactly feel bad about it. Well we don’t feel bad about it for a prolonged period of time.

You no longer live in a Vin Diagram:  In any relationship you have overlapping circles.  You know who your partners friends are, you know where they hang out and you have things that overlap.   In a long distance relationship your circle completely does it’s own thing.  Your partner doesn’t relate to the things that are taking place in you life on a realistic level.  They don’t have the references needed to know how you met your new friend, at your new favorite bar.  This can make it difficult to maintain relatabilty.  Every city has it’s own thing going on and if you’re not in that city enough you get mentally lost in the shuffle.

Lonely but not alone: According to Wikipedia loneliness is an unpleasant feeling in which a person feels a strong sense of emptiness and solitude resulting from inadequate levels of social relationship.  In a long distance relationship it has less to do with the actual emotional relationship and more to do with the physical. Physically being alone sucks; especially when you know that someone would like to be with you, so  in the end you crave the physical closeness that is lacking in the emotional relationship.

These are the four main reasons I don’t think long distance relationships work.  I am not opposed to trying one if I needed to, but I am skeptical about the sustainability.  I think there is a certain amount of physical contact that is needed  to sustain any relationship.  Now this is all just my opinion and seeing how I have never been in one, you can’t exactly take this as law.  However I commend those that somehow make it work.  Those people who lets their Love prevail over all else.

Option #3: Looking into the Anal Abyss

Anal Sex…. I had to type just to be sure that I wanted to share this post.  I follow a gay blogger on tumblr who said something interesting about straight men and being competition for women because he believes that he can turn straight men, if not completely homosexual, at least bi;  to summarize he said,  women will get tatoos, all types of piercings, have cramps monthly and give natural childbirth but wont do anal because it hurts too much??? So of course I said to myself “unfortunately ladies he has a point”  Aside from the fact that I think what he said in terms of turning straight men gay is completely asinine, he did have a point. The thing is, I honestly believe that more women do it, or at least have tried it, then they will admit. I don’t think that the lure of anal sex can turn a straight man gay, he already had to be curious about being with a man, and even more than curious but completely open to the idea.  But what is it about anal that makes women cringe or not even open to try it???

The reason why I called this post Option 3 (not including hand jobs) is because women have options, the anus is not the only way we can be penetrated. It is one of only two ways for gay men (if oral is considered penetration); making the choice for women to try anal is a lot more of compromise. In my experience anal has always been this taboo subject that everyone is curious about, but either they are afraid of the judgment or the pain.  Another thing to point out is that the anus is not considered sexy for obvious reasons. I mean lets face it, none of us really know if it was intended for sexual pleasure or if it’s just one of those things that are happenstance; I guess if you think that homosexuality was created by God then you believe this his way of making it happen.  I have no thoughts on homosexuality simply because if it is a sin, no sin is greater than another and I am not one to judge.  So actually my only thought on homosexuality is that we should all be afforded that same rights under man-made laws; gay, straight, queer or otherwise.  Now back our originally scheduled programming….

Anal can be pleasurable for women, and although I’m not strapping on a dildo for my man in the near or far away future, for men as well. In men the anus provides prostate stimulation which supposedly provides the male equivalent to multiple orgasms. In women, the anus shares a wall with the vagina making it easier for some women to climax through anal penetration, not to mention the anus has more nerve ending then the vagina, so after the initial pain there is said to be pleasure.  The funny thing about the pain is that the first few times you have vaginal intercourse it hurts but we keep doing until it feels good. But of course straight men don’t know virginal pain so the idea of anal penetration and the pain associated with it may sound absurd.

There are several arguments for and against, but if you are curious about trying it, go for it, I mean what do you really have to lose your anal virginity?  Speaking of anal virginity, some women are staying vaginal virgins but practicing anal intercourse only, crazy I know…  But if you have no interest in it don’t feel bad about that either, it’s your body do what you’re comfortable with doing, with whom you’re comfortable doing it.   Whatever you decide be safe and use the proper protection. I am not going to give tips on anal sex in this post, if you want those you can google or watch this post by GLAMerotica.

What do you think about anal? Have you tried it? have you thought about it?

Be Careful Where You Stick Your Nose: Friends and Relationships

Navigating friendships while in a relationship can be tricky.  Your social circles began to intersect, loyalty lines can blurred and you can begin to think that everyone is friends.  What people get twisted is the fact that just because everyone is cool, loyalty has to lie somewhere.  When dealing with your significant others friends, loyalty never lies with you. If your friends have significant others, then your friend will probably be loyal to them.  Honestly there is nothing anyone can tell me about my boyfriend that I will not check with him because that relationship is a very intimate one and I know and understand things about him that even his closest friends don’t know or understand.

My boyfriend and I have been together a long time, we party together and hang out with each other friends, sometimes even when we are not together.  His friends are cool with my friends and our social circles have almost completely intertwined.  Well… I have noticed that his friends watch me like hawk when he’s not around.  I will admit that I get a little loose when I drink, and by loose I mean, skanky; sprinkled with a little slut and dash of hoe. I exude all kinds of sexual energy; I haven’t  figured out a way to control it and I don’t know if I want to.While I don’t particularly care for his friends at times because of their nosey tendencies, I understand that they are his friends and I respect that fact.  What his friends don’t understand is that they will never know the dynamics of our relationship as well as we know them. And quite frankly they can’t tell him anything about me that he doesn’t already know. I tell him all kinds of things even when he doesn’t want to hear it or it might hurt.  I always tell him to do what he wants at the bar/club just don’t bring it home to me. Another important thing to point out is that I know what his friends think of me and in all honesty I don’t care, so I might act an extra fool just so they have something to talk about.

Relationships can ruin friendships and friendships can ruin relationships. With my friends the policy is: if I ask you for your opinion give it, but if I don’t keep your opinions to yourself.  I don’t think there is a place for a bunch or perspectives on my relationship from family, friends or otherwise.  Too many people stick their nose into business that is not theirs, if your friend or relative is happy; you should be happy for them.  Now of course I am not speaking of instances that can cause some kind of harm, in which cases of course you have to speak up. I am just pointing out that there are appropriate times for input, and more often than not, if your input is not sought out then it’s not needed. We should all learn to mind our own business when it comes to our friends’ relationships and be very aware of who your friends are if you are in a relationship.  My boyfriend’s friends are not, in any way shape or form, my friends; and my friends are not his friends.

I’m a snoop… Do I have trust issues???

Have you ever gone through your significant other’s phone, facebook, email, or anything else that wasn’t in plain sight or needed a password.  I have to admit that I have. I have not done this out of curiosity; I usually do this for clarity. People talk about a woman’s intuition and I know for a fact I have a very good one, or I just pay attention to details.  I can always feel when something is off in my relationships.  I can feel the distance even before there is really distance.  It can be in the simplest things but I notice them.  I try to give him the benefit of the doubt before I go around collecting evidence, I ask questions, I try to talk about it, I watch closely to what it going on with me before I jump to any conclusions.

I know someone is going to read this and think/say that I am insecure.  I don’t feel that’s the case when things are going well I dont bother with snooping. I always try to let things blow over before I snoop,  when they don’t and he doesn’t provide any answers I find them for myself.  In most instances I am right, there were things that he didn’t share that affected our relationship. I would not intrude on another person’s privacy if I didn’t feel like I had earned the right to do so. For example when I was growing up my parents said you didn’t get privacy until you starting paying some bills, thus earning the luxury. If the relationship is not serious then no I don’t think I earned that right. But there comes a point when privacy becomes limited.  It’s different for every relationships but at this point in my relationship I don’t really expect a whole lot of privacy. I feel this way for two reasons, 1) This is what I signed up for if I had something to hide then I should be caught. 2)  You only ask questions you really want the answers to, and you only look for what you really want to find; snooping can be a double-edged sword.

When asking my Mom how she felt about snooping she said our generation had a whole new set of problems with constant communication through cell phones and the internet.  When she was in her 20′s everything came through a landline so it was little harder to be sneaky.  She went on to say that trust is earned, it is the only thing in a relationship that  doesn’t always positively correlate with the amount of time you’ve been together. Unlike Love, initially you trust the person but over time that trust can diminish but the Love continues to grow and you shouldn’t look for the truth unless you are ready to face it.

My mom had a valid point. Trust is not something you are entitled to, trust is something that you earn and is probably the easiest thing to lose in any relationship. But if you can’t handle the truth don’t go looking for it.

Were you Intimate???

I remember my first hard break up after a long relationship my day asked “Were you intimate with him???”  I was at first taken aback because it was my dad and the answer was of course. We had been together for years through the end of high school and the beginning of college so I didn’t think he needed to ask. I remember my Mom saying when you’re intimate the lost is greater.  In this context they were talking about sex.  I’m not sure I believe that sex solidifies an emotional connection as my parents implied.  I think vulnerability does

Intimacy is about being vulnerable. Trusting that the people you have deep connections to, outside of family, will always have your best interest and will never intentionally hurt you.  I believe that when you trust a person enough to allow yourself to be vulnerable you create intimacy.  It is human nature to protect oneself whether it emotionally or physically. Intimacy may not be long lasting and it may only happen for moments at a time, but as we all know moments turn into minutes, turn into hours, turn into days, etc.  Intimacy in my circle of friends seems to exist most in friendship not in relationships. It is amongst ourselves that we are completely ourselves without trying.   I think that is because we are the generation of overt sexuality, instant gratification, attention deficit and last but not least divorce. We have seen intimate relationships fall apart more than stay together and people who spend more time planning a wedding than they do staying married.

The parts of relationships that create intimacy have been blurred for us.  It seems that we spend more time trying to one up each other than we take getting to know each other. That we are so fond of the idea of intimacy, of being in Love, that we don’t know what it takes to have intimate connections with a significant other.  This is not totally our fault as we have been bombarded with conflicting images and ideals for most of our lives. Sex has at times become a substitute for real emotional connections.  Or we are so caught up in the physical that we don’t know how to be emotional. Partly because sex is instantly gratifying; no real work necessary. We are so guarded that we don’t know how to be vulnerable and we are plugged in that we don’t know how to just be…  It’s kind of like intimate relationships have to sneak up on us, and we don’t even recognize when they happen.

Sex does not equate intimacy for me but everyone is different.  Sex can be intimate but for the most part at this point in my life it’s just sex; no emotion necessary.