Let Go, Move on, Grow the Hell UP

Every relationship is not supposed to last forever, actually most relationships won’t last forever.  People perpetually try to make it work. If you have to make it work, then it is clearly not working.  I find it crazy that people, especially women, put themselves in these situations where they want to wait around on a person to become who they want them to be. FYI ladies  they should already be that.  I like for people to be who they are, if we grow together it is a beautiful thing and if we grow apart, it’s on to the next. I know people who feel like they invest time in men to only have things fall apart every time.  To them I say don’t hold onto one man so tight, unless of course you’re married.  I would also say it fell apart for reason everyone isn’t going to be the one.  Chase your dreams not a man, and eventually you will find the one for you.

Break ups hurt, but sometimes relationships are  a part of the stepping-stones to the rest of your life.  Why would you want to stunt your growth waiting for someone or something to happen? We all have to grow at our own pace and we can’t fight it by staying in the same situations. We do this because we are always afraid to leave the ONE, but what I know about the ONE is deep down we know when a person is not it. The problem is we are so jaded by the fact that a lot things don’t work out, that we try to make them, and when it falls through it hurts. In the end you have to be open to get hurt and open to Love again. Remember that Love is one of the most amazing feelings and it is OK to try again.  But in the mean time enjoy being you, love yourself more for once and take this opportunity to Let Go, Move on and Grow up.

600 miles is a Large Void to Fill.

I am always in awe of people who can sustain a long distance relationship, for several reasons.  By long distance I mean more than 6 hours away. I think that any trip that is going to take more that 1/2 a days drive to and from needs more planning and preparation.  Maybe it’s because I’ve never had to do it? Maybe, I don’t think that I could? Maybe, I know that I may not be built for that type of situation; although that doesn’t mean that I wouldn’t.  So in along distance relationship what does one do when he or she gets lonely and wants someone to keep them company???? I tend to think about these things, because I don’t believe that distance makes the heart grow fonder.  I’m not sure that in a relationship that didn’t start off as long distance that it would ever work, unless of course there was no temptation what so ever and here is why.

No Bed Checks:  You say you’re going to call it a night, but what you’re really doing is playing music and hanging out with friends, maybe you hit a club. The next morning when asked how your night was you say it was good.  After all it was good, but you didn’t exactly call it a night.

Distance Creates Distance:  Although you Love and care about this person you are not in close enough proximity to truly witness how your actions affect your partner.  Physical distance make it’s easier to create emotional distance between people.  Kinda like how we all know that there are starving children around the world, but seeing how they are not starving in our front yards we don’t exactly feel bad about it. Well we don’t feel bad about it for a prolonged period of time.

You no longer live in a Vin Diagram:  In any relationship you have overlapping circles.  You know who your partners friends are, you know where they hang out and you have things that overlap.   In a long distance relationship your circle completely does it’s own thing.  Your partner doesn’t relate to the things that are taking place in you life on a realistic level.  They don’t have the references needed to know how you met your new friend, at your new favorite bar.  This can make it difficult to maintain relatabilty.  Every city has it’s own thing going on and if you’re not in that city enough you get mentally lost in the shuffle.

Lonely but not alone: According to Wikipedia loneliness is an unpleasant feeling in which a person feels a strong sense of emptiness and solitude resulting from inadequate levels of social relationship.  In a long distance relationship it has less to do with the actual emotional relationship and more to do with the physical. Physically being alone sucks; especially when you know that someone would like to be with you, so  in the end you crave the physical closeness that is lacking in the emotional relationship.

These are the four main reasons I don’t think long distance relationships work.  I am not opposed to trying one if I needed to, but I am skeptical about the sustainability.  I think there is a certain amount of physical contact that is needed  to sustain any relationship.  Now this is all just my opinion and seeing how I have never been in one, you can’t exactly take this as law.  However I commend those that somehow make it work.  Those people who lets their Love prevail over all else.

Make sure you know who you’re doing this for

Relationships can be difficult and some of us go through so many things, and sometimes we look back and can’t even figure out why.  Some say Love and others say naivety but whatever the case make sure that you are doing it for you..  At the end of the day and your life you don’t have to live anyone else’s life but your own and staying in an unhappy relationship, and by unhappy I don’t mean an unhappy moment, will do you no good.  If you are staying because you feel indebted to him or her or you think they need you, that is the wrong reason.  In most relationships we form some co-dependence and there is nothing wrong with that.  My point is, if the reason you come up with is more about what you do for them, than what they do for you then you need to think long and hard about who you are doing this for.

The person you  are with should ignite some passion in you about something.  There should be something about this person that you don’t think another person does  better.  With my him I don’t think  there is anyone who will take the time to understand me as completely and just let me be the person that I am not asking me to change any of my ways. The reason will be different for everyone but the reasons should always include how the person adds to  your life.

When you stay with a person because you feel needed in some way and you don’t feel like they bring anything to the table, you’re never going to be happy.  Inevitably you will not able to sustain a healthy relationship because you will be unfulfilled.  I think that when you are unfulfilled in a relationship you tend to look elsewhere for that fulfillment.  In the end you are not doing anyone any favors by doing this as a matter of fact you will be holding you and your partner back.

In life we have to make hard decisions and most of those dilemmas involve how our actions will affect those we Love.  But when you Love someone you want the best for them and if ending a relationship because you are unhappy it’s not exactly selfish. But that’s just my opinion.

Winning Arguments and Hurting Feelings

“Sticks and stones can break bones but words will break a heart.”  -Me

Watch what you say… Words Hurt!

In my relationship I have learned to watch what I say this simply because emotions don’t always bring out the best in me, as a matter of fact, sometimes it brings out the worst. I use to, and still do, get irritated with my man because he takes so long to think about what he is going to say when we are mid argument.  Seriously his life flashed before my eyes because I was 3 seconds from ripping the words out of his mouth.  He always takes his time which makes arguments extremely difficult for me.  I am the type of person who can argue for hours non stop because, well I like to think that in a past life I was some hot shot lawyer, but really because I don’t have to be right I just have to prove that there is a possibility that he is wrong. In doing this I sometimes alienate him, when we should be working on problems together. I would be so focused on winning the argument that I would lose sight of finding a solution.  I have said things in the heat of an argument not because I felt those things overall but I felt that way in the moment.

When he takes his time and is thoughtful and careful I’ve been forced to think about what I am going to say as well as listen to what he’s saying.  He forces me to calm down a little after each point, so that my words are not so explosive and hurtful.  He takes his time to think because he doesn’t want to be misinterpreted and he doesn’t want to hurt my feelings unnecessarily. I don’t always have that kind of forethought. Words hurt and they hurt because we don’t think about what we say.  We don’t consider the lasting affects this may have on our relationships.  Be thoughtful and watch what you say a 2 min argument could leave bruises or even wounds that can take a long time, or that will never heal.

Countdown to 2012: The Dreaded New Years Resolution.

I hate New Years resolutions and I’ve never actually made one that I intended to keep, this year will be different.  My New Year’s Resolution is to do what makes me Happy.

Countdown to 2012: What I’m looking forward to in 2012.

Most of the time I don’t like to have expectations because they often lead to disappointment.  When I was child I learned to not expect things because that was the easiest way to get hurt.  Well I’m changing that this year.  I expect for things to be great.  I’m looking forward to the challenge of making some real changes based on what I learned thus far.  I am looking forward to my niece turning one, to seeing my friends and family prosper.  I am looking forward to Loving myself first for a change, to not not put anyone or anything in the way of my own happiness. I’m looking forward to being happy and feeling happy not just thinking it but actually being it. I’m also looking forward to just seeing how everything plays out because it’s about time for this plot to change.