Simple tricks to avoid the Dick

I am very pro sex. I don’t attach my emotions to every sexual encounter and I typically do with my vagina and other privater parts as I please. However there is a part of the female community that likes to withhold sex until they feel the person they are with is worth the effort, and after a few less than stellar encounters I completely understand why.  I have been trying to figure out what I can add this conversation and this is what I came up with.  So if you find yourself trying to hold out this one is for you.  If you can think of more please add them to the comment section.

1. GO OUT:  It does not have  to be some extravagant over the top activity every time.  It could be as simple as going to a coffee shop and chilling out or smoking at a hookah lounge.  If you want to avoid having sex too soon don’t find yourself alone an apartment or house for too long.

2. Don’t go out too Often: If you spend a lot of time together initially you will feel a bond faster and the attraction will be build.  I suggest taking it slow and giving yourself time to process the feelings that you have. Sometimes time apart lets you determine how much you really like someone.

3. Terrible Panties:  The oldest trick I know is to wear your least attractive underwear you own.  Period panties, the ones my dog basically ate the crouch out so there are all this tiny teeth holes, umm the ones that were accidentally bleached, or maybe even buy a pair of high waist briefs.   Unsexy panties are embarrassing and that’s why they work.

4. Never invite him in or go to his place: at least not until you are ready to be alone and are ok with the likelihood of sex.  OK, so you have went out a couple times and there is this moment when you think should “I invite him in or go to his place and have a night cap???”  I say hold up.  I like sex but in due time so when then this dilemma happens I go with nay because if it was good idea I wouldn’t question myself.

5. Don’t focus on his sexy:  There have been guys when I’m like “man he is too sexy,  I just want to know what it be like” then I’m disappointed or obsessed; more than likely disappointed. I’ve learned that if I focus on his personality I can become more attracted to someone I’m not physically feeling or less attracted to someone who I drooled over. Personality affects sex appeal and whether we want to admit it or not the finest people have the worst personalities.

I am Sex Positive

I am sex positive. I do not acknowledge or bare the shame that has been associated with my sex.  I do not feel the pressure to repress any state of my being. I go after what I want, no matter what looks are given to me.  I am sex positive because as  a child I was called “fast” and “boy crazy”. I was lead to believe that there was something wrong with my sexuality, that it was a woman’s secret and a man’s right.  I am sex positive because my ancestors were seen as and labeled hyper sexual as a way to excuse inhumane treatment; as a way to bare the same of another cultures lust.  I feel that I have the right to express myself and my sex in whichever way I see fit. I do not believe in the slut and the walk of shame simply means that my night was better than yours.  I do not acknowledge those who see me as loose, because while my “morals” may be dissolute, my vagina is resilient.  I am sex positive because double standards are bullshit and I never divide my number by 2 and subtract 3. I am sex positive because you don’t have to be video vixen, stripper or groupie/jump-off to be sexual. There is nothing wrong with my sex. I am sex positive because bad girls have more fun, because there are so many things that you experience when you give less fucks about people’s opinions.  I am sex positive because I trust myself and I know myself enough to know that sex is only one small part of who I am; it does not mold me into something or someone that I am not. I am sex positive because the women’s movement happened, because I live in a country where being sexy is great, but a women having lots of sex is not.  Where we simultaneously frown on the veil and nudity.  Where the dichotomy of acceptable and unacceptable is fluid but is always more strict on women.   I am sex positive because above all else I am a women and not just a women, a black women who is sexy and smart enough to not be bound by the constraints placed on her sex.

5 ways to tell if she’s interested?

1.  She responds to your initial contact if she doesn’t contact you first

How many times have you texted the woman you met the night before and she didn’t respond (if she gave you the right number).  The good thing is if she gave you her number she was initially interested.  The bad thing is if she doesn’t respond to initial contact she probably changed her mind.

2. She makes physical contact

So you guys are not in a formal relationship.  You are just in the initial stages of getting to know one another.  If she likes you she will make subtle physical contact.  Knees will touch she will hold you arm, playfully bump into you and things like that. She is not super affectionate yet, but affectionate enough to let you know she is comfortable with you.

3. She will open up to you

We have all met a person who tells too much to fast.  I have been that person on occasion.  If she likes you she will open up to you more and actually be honest. When you are getting to know her and she is genuinely interested in letting you, she will let you in a little. She will tell you about the time when she fell off her bike and hurt her knee or in my case why she has so many burn marks on her arms.

4.  She will not tell you the details of her past relationships.

There are some women who don’t necessarily follow this rule, and they should start. If you ask her about her past relationships she will give you the basics and not the ends and outs.  If she tells you details that will negatively portray her she may not like you in that way.  In my experience unless she is raw from a hard breakup she will not tell you how she nagged him about going out with friends or why her last 2 relationships overlapped.

5. She will want to know where this going.

If she is interested in more than a few free meals or sporadic companionship she will want to know where this is going. She will want to talk about what you think of relationships and are you looking for one. She will be very interested in the where your head is without actually asking about where your head is with her. She may not come out and ask you how feel about her because it is too early for that but she wants to know what your intentions are and where your focus is.

A Lesson in Flirting with Everything Love and Lust

Ladies…Ladies…Ladies. It has been brought to my attention that not all of us possess the gift of flirting.  I think that it is imperative to know how to flirt without looking like a skank or awkward, actually the worst look you can have is awkward skank. Awkward skanks look like they are trying entirely to hard to be sexy, funny, and cute.  Almost worst than a woman who choose to wear shoes too advanced for their skill level, or that are too small. Which brings me to another point, don’t follow the latest trends if you aren’t comfortable and confident in them… I digress.  The easiest way to flirt is to be yourself. This  post will detail how I flirt when I’m in a bar or club setting.  If you are flirting challenged I hope this helps.

I start by accepting a compliment or greeting if it’s given and give one in return.  Be confident, sit up straight, and make eye contact. As I make eye contact I subtly make physical contact, touch his arm or back.  Just be sure to notice if the eye contact makes him uncomfortable.  Everyone doesn’t respond the same way to eye contact, so if it makes him uncomfortable only look into his eyes for moments at a time. Smile and look happy to be talking to him because at this moment he is the only person in the room besides me; however if his attention is floating around I don’t waste my time trying to keep it.  Body language is important. I’ve found that if I look like I’m having a good time someone will want to have a good time with me.  If I look like I can think of a several other places to be instead, they won’t.  So I look inviting enough to be approached. After a few minutes of conversation and subtle physical contact, I move close enough to be smelled, even grazed, but not close enough to be held or hugged.  I don’t keep this distance for too long, because I don’t want it to seem as though I am pushing myself on to him, simply signifying if he wants to come closer I will be ok with that. Continue with varying amounts of eye contact and have a slight grin, look entertained if I’m interested. After too long I leave to continue whatever it was that I was doing before I came into contact with him.  I talk to friends or even strangers, dance and have a drink or two.  If he is still interested he will approach me again.  If not it was fun while it lasted.  I usually flirt for the thrill of it, the final approach will more than likely lead to a let down.

If  I am not interested halfway through the conversation I  make up an excuse to move or I’m very blunt and say I’m not interested.  I like the blunt approach so that later in the night I don’t have to turn the same person down again.

The thing about flirting is that you have to control the distance, the physical contact and even the flow of the conversation  but be natural about it.  Don’t force it, just go with it. If things get uncomfortable, exit stage left… Flirting is not too hard, it shouldn’t involve too much thought and it shouldn’t look like you’re trying. Be natural and have fun, keep an open mind. Sometimes flirting is only eye contact and a smile throughout the night and a hand on the small of the back as you pass by, it doesn’t have to involve everything listed above. Just do what feels natural or at least make it look that way, even if you have to psych your self out.

Dick Flashers Unite

In the recent past I have been dick flashed and not by little boys, but by grown ass men.  I am starting to think that maybe I look like someone who wants to randomly see dicks, but I’m sure that’s not it. I am convinced that there is an epidemic of thirsty dudes pulling out their dicks.  If you have no shame in your game more power to you but there are rules to pulling out your dick.

1. Make sure she’s interested- Don’t just whip out your dick because you Think that he or she Might be feelin you like that.
2. Know the type of person you’re dealing with-  If your package is sub standard then you might get laughed at if you’re dealing with someone who couldn’t care less about your feelings.
3. Be sure it’s worth pulling out- If you have ever doubted how you measured up then you probably don’t. I will bet she or he is going to tell everyone that you don’t and exaggerate it as well.
4. Please know him or her for more than 2 mins or even 2 weeks-  I know some are going to say I can smash in 2 weeks… While this may be true, it will  have you come off as thirsty; when you do this use some finesse.
5. If you want don’t want to be known as “Pull Out Man” leave you dick in you pants- that’s self explanatory.
6. Don’t do this in public- I was at a club a dude pulled his dick out on the dance floor. If we had been anywhere else he would have been considered a sex offender for being stupid; which is never a good look.

That’s all I can think of but it’s  problem out here so please

watch out for dick flashes because it might happen when you least expect it.

Option #3: Looking into the Anal Abyss

Anal Sex…. I had to type just to be sure that I wanted to share this post.  I follow a gay blogger on tumblr who said something interesting about straight men and being competition for women because he believes that he can turn straight men, if not completely homosexual, at least bi;  to summarize he said,  women will get tatoos, all types of piercings, have cramps monthly and give natural childbirth but wont do anal because it hurts too much??? So of course I said to myself “unfortunately ladies he has a point”  Aside from the fact that I think what he said in terms of turning straight men gay is completely asinine, he did have a point. The thing is, I honestly believe that more women do it, or at least have tried it, then they will admit. I don’t think that the lure of anal sex can turn a straight man gay, he already had to be curious about being with a man, and even more than curious but completely open to the idea.  But what is it about anal that makes women cringe or not even open to try it???

The reason why I called this post Option 3 (not including hand jobs) is because women have options, the anus is not the only way we can be penetrated. It is one of only two ways for gay men (if oral is considered penetration); making the choice for women to try anal is a lot more of compromise. In my experience anal has always been this taboo subject that everyone is curious about, but either they are afraid of the judgment or the pain.  Another thing to point out is that the anus is not considered sexy for obvious reasons. I mean lets face it, none of us really know if it was intended for sexual pleasure or if it’s just one of those things that are happenstance; I guess if you think that homosexuality was created by God then you believe this his way of making it happen.  I have no thoughts on homosexuality simply because if it is a sin, no sin is greater than another and I am not one to judge.  So actually my only thought on homosexuality is that we should all be afforded that same rights under man-made laws; gay, straight, queer or otherwise.  Now back our originally scheduled programming….

Anal can be pleasurable for women, and although I’m not strapping on a dildo for my man in the near or far away future, for men as well. In men the anus provides prostate stimulation which supposedly provides the male equivalent to multiple orgasms. In women, the anus shares a wall with the vagina making it easier for some women to climax through anal penetration, not to mention the anus has more nerve ending then the vagina, so after the initial pain there is said to be pleasure.  The funny thing about the pain is that the first few times you have vaginal intercourse it hurts but we keep doing until it feels good. But of course straight men don’t know virginal pain so the idea of anal penetration and the pain associated with it may sound absurd.

There are several arguments for and against, but if you are curious about trying it, go for it, I mean what do you really have to lose your anal virginity?  Speaking of anal virginity, some women are staying vaginal virgins but practicing anal intercourse only, crazy I know…  But if you have no interest in it don’t feel bad about that either, it’s your body do what you’re comfortable with doing, with whom you’re comfortable doing it.   Whatever you decide be safe and use the proper protection. I am not going to give tips on anal sex in this post, if you want those you can google or watch this post by GLAMerotica.

What do you think about anal? Have you tried it? have you thought about it?

Cumstructive Critcism

This was meant to be Freaky Fridays, but I got lazy at some point on Friday then I thought it might not be a good idea for me to designate a day as I tend to like flexibility. Any who, on to the post.

Have you ever had sex with someone and every 2 seconds they were giving you instructions.  I don’t mean “oh don’t stop, harder, faster” I mean “Use both hands, and hold on to your ankles” kind of instructions.  I like instructions within reason; if what I’m doing is not working for you then by all means tell me what works.  But at some point you need to get out of your own head and comfort zone. Sex doesn’t only feel good one way so if you’re going to give instructions do so within reason.  I Love for a guy to guide me but I don’t want them to make demands. Seriously I start to think, “Do you want to have sex with me or do you just want me to masturbate for you?”;  if you’re constantly giving instructions, nobody is  really going to get off.

After talking to my guy friend the other day he told me not all head is good, and that’s usually when he gives guidance; I know all to well that mediocre oral can be skipped.  Then he went on to say that his ex was not good at giving head or taking instructions.  She got would get an attitude and eventually tell him to do it himself.   I know enough guys to know that if some could they would; but they can’t so they instruct. Which would not be a big deal if it seemed like they appreciated what you were doing in the first place.

Here are some ways that makes it easier for me to take instructions, outside of my S&M experiences.  Maybe they will help, maybe they won’t; I really don’t know.

• Guide me with your hands
• Don’t make demands; be subtle.
• Let me to do it my way first.
• Have an open mind.
• Be into it regardless. For the most part when the other person is aroused you will be too.
• Get me off I will be sure to return the favor

If you can think of any more ways please share.

My views on the other woman/side-chick.

I’ve been reading a lot of post and articles about women on the side. After some consideration I decided to give my 3 1/2 cents.  Personally, I will not knowingly get involved with a person in a relationship.  I just think it’s in bad taste.  All the men out here I will not share one.  I am, to be blunt, selfish and I like to have the attention when I want it.  I don’t wish to compete or be second to anyone other than his family.  Having been cheated on in the past I do not blame the basic ass females doing this.  Only your significant other is obligated to care about your feelings.  The times that I have been cheated on I reacted in various ways.  The first time I was young and dumb, I befriended the other woman; to this day I don’t know why. The second time I blamed him.  (By the way these were two different men. ) I blamed him for everything. It was then I realized that only he could hurt me emotionally.

Having been the girlfriend I can honestly say that I despise woman who will settle for being the side chick.  I just don’t get. I guess I think I  deserve a hell of a lot.  I remember reading the message between them and thinking “Really?”.  If you always have to question where you stand with a person is it worth the energy?  She was questioning her place in his life and settling for attending his classes, seeing him at work and probably a meal or two.  I’m sorry but in all of my years in college I never attended anyones classes but my own. We lived together so it was a pretty clear to me what he did with his free time. I truly don’t know the full extent of their relationship but I know enough to know that, she was settling for less than I would have ever settled for. I just feel like you don’t take what you can get; you take what you feel like you are entitled to. I say that I despise them because I feel like it cheapens the value of women.  Like Erica Mena said on Love and Hip Hop ”You messing up my Money Bi$*h when you doing sh-t for free.”, she used it in a completely different context but it applies here. Why would a man put in the work when he can get all the perks with little effort.

I don’t know how this correlates to self-worth I actually don’t care.  I think that if you’re about that life go for it.  I, for one, am not here for that.  I like to feel needed and how can he need me when he goes home to someone else.  How can he really value me if he has someone who he gives more time and energy to? I don’t get what women get out of being the woman on the side.  It makes no sense to me. There is always the it’s just physical argument, well if that’s the case, it should not be a recurring situation; it should be once in a while without the constant communication and envy of the actual girlfriend.  If the woman on the side can say she doesn’t want the top spot more power to her, but I am not talking to her.  I’m talking about the women who are looking for love when they are getting leftovers.

All in all I don’t blame the women because they are clearly desperate heauxs getting it how ever they can.