Forbidden Love: Black Women and Oral Sex.

I asked my sister what was a good topic to talk about for this series and she said black women don’t perform or don’t like to perform oral sex. Although I never really thought about it, she was on to something.

When I got to college I was amazed at how many  of my white female peers were proudly giving oral sex.  Where I come from “she sucked my dick” was the biggest insult a boy could give you. You couldn’t be known for anything worst than that. Now as an adult my black friends all admit to performing oral sex but it seems to be something reserved for a special person or as a returned favor. For example on the Braxton Family Values, Trina admitted that she had performed oral sex on a man who was not her husband.  Trina’s sisters were more shocked by the fact that she had just performed oral sex and not received anything sexual in return, than the fact that this man was not her husband. Her sister even went on to say “Black girls don’t just go around doing that”.   I don’t remember ever having a talk with my parents that specifically addressed oral sex. I just remember that it was always this kind of taboo subject even in college and the taboo hasn’t went away. Maybe people just don’t like to talk about it because I know for fact that black women are doing it, and although maybe not everyday, but not just on special occasions with special people.  I know that our attitudes differ on the matter, especially culturally, but I don’t think there is anything wrong with performing oral sex and if you’re going to do it, do it well and enjoy it.  Nobody ever died from sucking dick.  At least as far as I know.

 So my question is why is performing oral sex that big of a deal?

What is that we are taught as Black women that makes it so taboo?

If you want funny yet accurate tips click here.

Forbidden Love: Interracial Relationships

*************This post will contain all kinds of contradictions **************

I can not believe that in 2012 this is still a relevant topic but sadly it is.  I honestly don’t know how I feel about interracial couples.  On the one hand I would like to say that as a black woman it doesn’t sting a little when you see a black man happy with a woman of a different race; but it does.  But the flip side of that is, that little sting doesn’t trump the fact that people should and can fall for whomever they want. I don’t think that I, or anyone else, have the right to impose anti miscegenation on anyone.  This does not take away from the fact that it does sting, and at times it even feels like a gut punch. I know this sounds crazy to some of you but I feel as though being a black woman trying to a find a man we have the slimmest pickings imaginable.  Our options outside of our race are limited at best and it does not help that our biggest critics are black men.  There are various reasons societally why this has happened and I believe that it’s not going to change anytime soon.

Why does it sting? It stings because there are times when my fly, semi successful, black self, looks around realizes that no one is checking for me.  Not the guy in blue tie or the red tie.  Not the white guy or the black guy.  It truly makes you question your worth; I am attractive, educated and very well spoken, yet I get no looks.  Not even one.  It’s kind of like being the last on picked for a team in middle school but you don’t get picked. It stings because you have to wonder what is wrong with you, or what is wrong with the world.  At the end of the day a lot of the successful black men are taken by women who don’t like me.  And while we like to believe that, people date in their social circles; these negroes don’t have any white friends, and wouldn’t give a black women the time of day.

So if it stings so badly why do I feel like its ok.  A close friend of mine who chooses not to date out side of his race said that he chooses not to because not one can understand his plight like a black women.  While fundamentally this may be true.  I feel as though he discounts the power of Love and while a person of another race may not firsthand understand what it is that we go through; they can learn and become more aware of the challenges we face.  I think that Love is blind and you can’t help who you Love, and if a white man came along and can Love me for all that I am I would give it shot. There is so much embedded in a racial identity that we all have to fight some of the things that we have been taught and the things that we believe about ourselves and others.  Interracial relationships bring out a lot of these beliefs.

There is much more that I can say about this but the bottom line is the stings don’t trump the fact that Love is blind and we should embrace that.

African American History Month Yay!!!!

I’ve been trying to figure out how to incorporate Black history month into this blog without it seeming random and I finally figured it out. Black history ansdculture is a passsion of mine, so much so, that I studied it extensively in college, so I knew that I had to do something; but I didn’t want to lose the direction in which my blog is going. I weighed options like profiles of black beauties, black relationship woes, etc.  Well none of that would interest me enough to think of make it a recurring topic so I finally settled on Forbidden Love, which will be weekly.  I have no idea where this will take us. Please read and enjoy. The first post will be coming soon; maybe even later today.