What’s your flavor Chocolate, Vanilla, or Caramel?

What is your physical type? Many people have them.  I don’t think I have a type, I think that I am attracted to different people for different reasons.   It kills me when people look for a very specific type.  For example my brothers seems to like the same woman over and over again; but they are all different women who look very similar.  What does a persons features actually say about that person….. don’t worry I’ll wait….. It doesn’t say anything about them, actually what you are attracted to says more about you.

I don’t think I have a physical type.  I am attracted to a certain type of man but the physical features vary greatly.  You can miss out on something special if you only like people based on their physical characteristics.  Now I am not saying that you can’t be attracted to certain features, because we all are attracted to certain features in a person.  For example instinctually we notice symmetry in a people’s faces.  Asymmetry signifies that something could have went wrong genetically or gestationally.  It is just one of the fail safes nature has put out there for us to breed more successfully.  Yes I said breed lol. I am not talking about the small things we don’t realize that we notice, I am speaking specifically about type.  I hate to hear people say I don’t date girls with short hair, or I want my man to be dark chocolate. Well that’s ignorant… to me at least.   This past weekend I was told I wasn’t his type lol, not that I was looking but when I asked “wWhy?” he  said “I’ve been told that light-skinned woman are evil”. As I stared blankly and blinked,  I was thrown off little, didn’t you approach me?  Here you are a seemingly educated man and you think light-skinned women are evil,  and while that may or may not be true, I guess evil dark-skinned women don’t exist.   Now I realize this may have been a joke but I wasn’t the least bit ammused.

To wrap this up don’t get caught up in physical type the best thing that ever happened to me didn’t look like anyone I had ever dated or looked twice at.  Base the decision on some more concrete attributes;  physical traits won’t matter in the lon run.  I do think you have to physically attracted but I don’t think nature predisposes us to skin tone, race, hair length, or any other abstract attribute. So try to keep an open mind out there people, you may be surprised.

Nappy or straight, still the only black woman in the room.

Unfortunately I do not understand the Natural Hair movement. As far as I knew some people had relaxers, some didn’t.  There was no statement to be made in either.  For God Sakes It’s Just Hair.  I know someone is reading this and thinking I am ignorant and in denial about the ramifications that are attached to Ethnic hair and to you I give a blank stare and copy of the essay I wrote on this subject in undergrad. I am well versed in the plight of black women, being that I am one, probably more so than others.

For so many people natural hair is statement about blackness.  Well I would like for you too wake up; my hair being relaxed, natural, dyed, permed, shaved, straight, curly, weaved or anything else for that matter makes me no less black and no less in touch with my blackness.  I don’t think that how I choose to  process my hair defines anything about my personhood, it may define how I feel during that time but nothing more.  I am disheartened by the fact that we judge each other based on how someone wants to wear their hair. I have been natural and relaxed, short and long, weaved and un weaved, as matter of fact, you can tell how my life is going by how my hair was during that time.  My younger sister is natural and my best friend only relaxes once a year, I don’t think that this makes either more in touch with their racial identity.  In my opinion it is just another thing that we are using to divide ourselves.

Having been in heated, let’s say discussions, with natural people it is apparent that some of them take it very serious, while I, on the other hand, am not really bothered by my hair; or anyone else’s, one way or another. I can deal with it under any condition at this point.  If your natural hair is about health, more power to you, but I ‘ve seen many people go natural and end up with the same damaged hair they were trying to avoid.

My hair being one way or another does not negate the fact that I am a black woman.  My hair for me is, a display of emotions and a part of me that I can change at the drop of a hat, not worrying about the consequences because if all else fails I will cut it off. At the end of the day I am  still the only black woman in most rooms.

Forbidden Love: Interracial Relationships

*************This post will contain all kinds of contradictions **************

I can not believe that in 2012 this is still a relevant topic but sadly it is.  I honestly don’t know how I feel about interracial couples.  On the one hand I would like to say that as a black woman it doesn’t sting a little when you see a black man happy with a woman of a different race; but it does.  But the flip side of that is, that little sting doesn’t trump the fact that people should and can fall for whomever they want. I don’t think that I, or anyone else, have the right to impose anti miscegenation on anyone.  This does not take away from the fact that it does sting, and at times it even feels like a gut punch. I know this sounds crazy to some of you but I feel as though being a black woman trying to a find a man we have the slimmest pickings imaginable.  Our options outside of our race are limited at best and it does not help that our biggest critics are black men.  There are various reasons societally why this has happened and I believe that it’s not going to change anytime soon.

Why does it sting? It stings because there are times when my fly, semi successful, black self, looks around realizes that no one is checking for me.  Not the guy in blue tie or the red tie.  Not the white guy or the black guy.  It truly makes you question your worth; I am attractive, educated and very well spoken, yet I get no looks.  Not even one.  It’s kind of like being the last on picked for a team in middle school but you don’t get picked. It stings because you have to wonder what is wrong with you, or what is wrong with the world.  At the end of the day a lot of the successful black men are taken by women who don’t like me.  And while we like to believe that, people date in their social circles; these negroes don’t have any white friends, and wouldn’t give a black women the time of day.

So if it stings so badly why do I feel like its ok.  A close friend of mine who chooses not to date out side of his race said that he chooses not to because not one can understand his plight like a black women.  While fundamentally this may be true.  I feel as though he discounts the power of Love and while a person of another race may not firsthand understand what it is that we go through; they can learn and become more aware of the challenges we face.  I think that Love is blind and you can’t help who you Love, and if a white man came along and can Love me for all that I am I would give it shot. There is so much embedded in a racial identity that we all have to fight some of the things that we have been taught and the things that we believe about ourselves and others.  Interracial relationships bring out a lot of these beliefs.

There is much more that I can say about this but the bottom line is the stings don’t trump the fact that Love is blind and we should embrace that.