30 Day Challenge Day 4

Day 4: Your Opinion Of Cheating in Relationships

It happens.  I think that there are times when you walk and times when you don’t.  I think that if you Love the person you forgive them, if they’ve earned it and if you think that you won’t become completely paranoid and can move on.  However if they cheat on you again you have to accept all responsibility for however you feel because you choose to stay in that situation.

Do all people cheat? NO.

Are all cheaters bad people? NO.

If someone cheats does that mean they don’t love the person they are with?  I think people do the most fucked up shit to the people they Love.

I do feel that cheating can be detrimental to any relationship, it completely changes the blind trust you have in someone but we all have to go through these things to learn and grow; whether you are cheating or being cheated on.

 

 

 

30 Day Challenge Day 2

Day 2: The meaning behind your Blog name.

Love Lust and Everything in Between, I think is self explanatory and unfortunately not exactly original although I had no idea about the movie  or the book until I started this blog.    For you simple minded or too lazy to for critical thinking readers I will elaborate.   Love is something that means so many things to so many people and there are various degrees of Love.  However Lust is just that, Lust, it is the the physical desire you have for another person.  The line between Love and Lust can be thin and often times we can struggle with the difference.  I struggle with it.  Even though the line is a very thing on there is so much that can happen between the two.

Everything Love and Lust’s Hiatus

Hello Followers and Stalkers alike.  If you haven’t noticed I took a break from blogging. I took a step back from writing because it’s summer so I don’t want to be inside long enough to complete a post and for the last month my life has been a whirlwind.  I am coming back soon with more of my view on Love, Lust and all things in between.

Forgive and Forget: Not for them but For You

Forgiveness is giving up on the past that we thought we wanted. – Oprah

Forgiveness is about letting go of the Hope that the past could have been different. In relationships we have to a learn how to get past the hurt by not living in the past.  People make mistakes and it is in those moments we see who we are and what we can be capable of.  No matter how much you Love someone you have the ability to hurt them.  While this may not be your intention it can happen.  In Love and in Life we have to be forgiving of the people who hurt us by living in the that reality. The reality that we are not perfect and that things happen for a reason.  That everything we ever experience makes us who we are meant to be.

Forgiveness does not mean staying  in an unhappy relationship, it simply means not holding on to the pain and carrying it with you.  I know that everyone always says that we shouldn’t bring our past relationships into the current ones and I completely agree.  Actually you should thank your past for preparing you for your future.  Even if you decide to stay in a relationship after being hurt, it is imperative that you learn to move past it all.  After being hurt and staying and then being hurt again, I learned that I had to be just as accountable the second time around.  I had been hurt  but I had also choosen to stay.  I could not blame him for me staying, I could be disappointed that it happened again.

Forgiveness is not a gift to the other person but a gift to ourselves.  It says that we let the hurt and pain go and that we are better for it.  Forgiveness is a test a strength and courage.  In order to truly forgive someone who hurt you, you have to be strong enough to face the reality of what happened and courageous enough to allow yourself to grow because of it.  Just remember that everything that we go through shapes who we are. How we choose to deal with things and what we allow ourselves to learn determines who we ultimately become.

Forbidden Love: Black Women and Oral Sex.

I asked my sister what was a good topic to talk about for this series and she said black women don’t perform or don’t like to perform oral sex. Although I never really thought about it, she was on to something.

When I got to college I was amazed at how many  of my white female peers were proudly giving oral sex.  Where I come from “she sucked my dick” was the biggest insult a boy could give you. You couldn’t be known for anything worst than that. Now as an adult my black friends all admit to performing oral sex but it seems to be something reserved for a special person or as a returned favor. For example on the Braxton Family Values, Trina admitted that she had performed oral sex on a man who was not her husband.  Trina’s sisters were more shocked by the fact that she had just performed oral sex and not received anything sexual in return, than the fact that this man was not her husband. Her sister even went on to say “Black girls don’t just go around doing that”.   I don’t remember ever having a talk with my parents that specifically addressed oral sex. I just remember that it was always this kind of taboo subject even in college and the taboo hasn’t went away. Maybe people just don’t like to talk about it because I know for fact that black women are doing it, and although maybe not everyday, but not just on special occasions with special people.  I know that our attitudes differ on the matter, especially culturally, but I don’t think there is anything wrong with performing oral sex and if you’re going to do it, do it well and enjoy it.  Nobody ever died from sucking dick.  At least as far as I know.

 So my question is why is performing oral sex that big of a deal?

What is that we are taught as Black women that makes it so taboo?

If you want funny yet accurate tips click here.

Option #3: Looking into the Anal Abyss

Anal Sex…. I had to type just to be sure that I wanted to share this post.  I follow a gay blogger on tumblr who said something interesting about straight men and being competition for women because he believes that he can turn straight men, if not completely homosexual, at least bi;  to summarize he said,  women will get tatoos, all types of piercings, have cramps monthly and give natural childbirth but wont do anal because it hurts too much??? So of course I said to myself “unfortunately ladies he has a point”  Aside from the fact that I think what he said in terms of turning straight men gay is completely asinine, he did have a point. The thing is, I honestly believe that more women do it, or at least have tried it, then they will admit. I don’t think that the lure of anal sex can turn a straight man gay, he already had to be curious about being with a man, and even more than curious but completely open to the idea.  But what is it about anal that makes women cringe or not even open to try it???

The reason why I called this post Option 3 (not including hand jobs) is because women have options, the anus is not the only way we can be penetrated. It is one of only two ways for gay men (if oral is considered penetration); making the choice for women to try anal is a lot more of compromise. In my experience anal has always been this taboo subject that everyone is curious about, but either they are afraid of the judgment or the pain.  Another thing to point out is that the anus is not considered sexy for obvious reasons. I mean lets face it, none of us really know if it was intended for sexual pleasure or if it’s just one of those things that are happenstance; I guess if you think that homosexuality was created by God then you believe this his way of making it happen.  I have no thoughts on homosexuality simply because if it is a sin, no sin is greater than another and I am not one to judge.  So actually my only thought on homosexuality is that we should all be afforded that same rights under man-made laws; gay, straight, queer or otherwise.  Now back our originally scheduled programming….

Anal can be pleasurable for women, and although I’m not strapping on a dildo for my man in the near or far away future, for men as well. In men the anus provides prostate stimulation which supposedly provides the male equivalent to multiple orgasms. In women, the anus shares a wall with the vagina making it easier for some women to climax through anal penetration, not to mention the anus has more nerve ending then the vagina, so after the initial pain there is said to be pleasure.  The funny thing about the pain is that the first few times you have vaginal intercourse it hurts but we keep doing until it feels good. But of course straight men don’t know virginal pain so the idea of anal penetration and the pain associated with it may sound absurd.

There are several arguments for and against, but if you are curious about trying it, go for it, I mean what do you really have to lose your anal virginity?  Speaking of anal virginity, some women are staying vaginal virgins but practicing anal intercourse only, crazy I know…  But if you have no interest in it don’t feel bad about that either, it’s your body do what you’re comfortable with doing, with whom you’re comfortable doing it.   Whatever you decide be safe and use the proper protection. I am not going to give tips on anal sex in this post, if you want those you can google or watch this post by GLAMerotica.

What do you think about anal? Have you tried it? have you thought about it?

Be Careful Where You Stick Your Nose: Friends and Relationships

Navigating friendships while in a relationship can be tricky.  Your social circles began to intersect, loyalty lines can blurred and you can begin to think that everyone is friends.  What people get twisted is the fact that just because everyone is cool, loyalty has to lie somewhere.  When dealing with your significant others friends, loyalty never lies with you. If your friends have significant others, then your friend will probably be loyal to them.  Honestly there is nothing anyone can tell me about my boyfriend that I will not check with him because that relationship is a very intimate one and I know and understand things about him that even his closest friends don’t know or understand.

My boyfriend and I have been together a long time, we party together and hang out with each other friends, sometimes even when we are not together.  His friends are cool with my friends and our social circles have almost completely intertwined.  Well… I have noticed that his friends watch me like hawk when he’s not around.  I will admit that I get a little loose when I drink, and by loose I mean, skanky; sprinkled with a little slut and dash of hoe. I exude all kinds of sexual energy; I haven’t  figured out a way to control it and I don’t know if I want to.While I don’t particularly care for his friends at times because of their nosey tendencies, I understand that they are his friends and I respect that fact.  What his friends don’t understand is that they will never know the dynamics of our relationship as well as we know them. And quite frankly they can’t tell him anything about me that he doesn’t already know. I tell him all kinds of things even when he doesn’t want to hear it or it might hurt.  I always tell him to do what he wants at the bar/club just don’t bring it home to me. Another important thing to point out is that I know what his friends think of me and in all honesty I don’t care, so I might act an extra fool just so they have something to talk about.

Relationships can ruin friendships and friendships can ruin relationships. With my friends the policy is: if I ask you for your opinion give it, but if I don’t keep your opinions to yourself.  I don’t think there is a place for a bunch or perspectives on my relationship from family, friends or otherwise.  Too many people stick their nose into business that is not theirs, if your friend or relative is happy; you should be happy for them.  Now of course I am not speaking of instances that can cause some kind of harm, in which cases of course you have to speak up. I am just pointing out that there are appropriate times for input, and more often than not, if your input is not sought out then it’s not needed. We should all learn to mind our own business when it comes to our friends’ relationships and be very aware of who your friends are if you are in a relationship.  My boyfriend’s friends are not, in any way shape or form, my friends; and my friends are not his friends.

I may be BAD but I’m perfectly GOOD at it: 10 sex facts about me.

Because my blog is seemingly anonymous I feel comfortable getting a little personal with the sex talk so here we go:

1. I like dirty talk- I like to talk in general and dirty talk excites me. There is something special about saying things you only think to yourself to another person.
2. Missionary – is my favorite position, not because I’m a prude but because I climax the easiest from there.
3. I like to be spanked-  A good spanking is an art form and not everyone can do it right.
4. I am turned on by cocky men-  not arrogant but a little cocky. Have confidence in your abilities and the skills and equipment to back it up
5. I like my hair pulled when it’s long enough- The submissive in my loves it. Just as long as he is aware that the hair is also attached my scalp some way.
6. I like it rough-  There is nothing like pleasure with a little bit of pain.
7. I don’t like to have sex when I’m drunk.- When I was in college my brother told me that I can’t consent when I’m drunk and in my drunkenness I think about that.
8. I’ve never had sex in a pool and I don’t have a desire to-Something about it doesn’t appeal to me I really; don’t know why.
9. I like to be teased- the anticipation gets me warmed up
10. There is nothing better in this world than Multiple Orgasms- enough said

Thank you to my followers and Onyx By Foster Drake

When I started this blog I never thought I would inspire someone as well as be inspired; actually I never thought anyone would read this lol.  You guys give me food for thought with all the comments.  Thank you for reading and especially for the feedback. I always thought if someone featured me for whatever reason, good or bad,  I would do the same so…

 Introducing Foster Drake the Erotic Poet.  If poetry is your thing follow him.

ONYX

XOXO,

Everything Love and Lust

Forbidden Love: Interracial Relationships

*************This post will contain all kinds of contradictions **************

I can not believe that in 2012 this is still a relevant topic but sadly it is.  I honestly don’t know how I feel about interracial couples.  On the one hand I would like to say that as a black woman it doesn’t sting a little when you see a black man happy with a woman of a different race; but it does.  But the flip side of that is, that little sting doesn’t trump the fact that people should and can fall for whomever they want. I don’t think that I, or anyone else, have the right to impose anti miscegenation on anyone.  This does not take away from the fact that it does sting, and at times it even feels like a gut punch. I know this sounds crazy to some of you but I feel as though being a black woman trying to a find a man we have the slimmest pickings imaginable.  Our options outside of our race are limited at best and it does not help that our biggest critics are black men.  There are various reasons societally why this has happened and I believe that it’s not going to change anytime soon.

Why does it sting? It stings because there are times when my fly, semi successful, black self, looks around realizes that no one is checking for me.  Not the guy in blue tie or the red tie.  Not the white guy or the black guy.  It truly makes you question your worth; I am attractive, educated and very well spoken, yet I get no looks.  Not even one.  It’s kind of like being the last on picked for a team in middle school but you don’t get picked. It stings because you have to wonder what is wrong with you, or what is wrong with the world.  At the end of the day a lot of the successful black men are taken by women who don’t like me.  And while we like to believe that, people date in their social circles; these negroes don’t have any white friends, and wouldn’t give a black women the time of day.

So if it stings so badly why do I feel like its ok.  A close friend of mine who chooses not to date out side of his race said that he chooses not to because not one can understand his plight like a black women.  While fundamentally this may be true.  I feel as though he discounts the power of Love and while a person of another race may not firsthand understand what it is that we go through; they can learn and become more aware of the challenges we face.  I think that Love is blind and you can’t help who you Love, and if a white man came along and can Love me for all that I am I would give it shot. There is so much embedded in a racial identity that we all have to fight some of the things that we have been taught and the things that we believe about ourselves and others.  Interracial relationships bring out a lot of these beliefs.

There is much more that I can say about this but the bottom line is the stings don’t trump the fact that Love is blind and we should embrace that.