My friends and I continuously have a conversation about the guys we keep around or need to find and have narrowed the list down to these guys who either have skills or resources. Being single does not mean you don’t entertain the idea of men being around; to me it means the men that are around serve a purpose. I guess the trick with this is which one are you going to sleep with, if any? I think that every single woman needs 3 men in her life that she can call on when needed a these are the guys you try not piss off because they can be hard to come by.
A Mechanic:If you have an older car this guy will always come in handy and if you have a newer car he will show you how to maintain it. A Mechanic is a must have to the rooster if you don’t know much about cars. This man will save you money in the long run by either doing repairs or not letting you get taken advantage of at a repair shop. If you don’t know a mechanic meet or find someone who does and get to know the mechanic. The trick with this relationship is that you should always pay him for his services if he does a repair and be very, very nice to him. You don’t want to piss off the mechanic, because cars are unpredictable and always break down at inopportune times. However if your dad or a family member is handy you may not need him.
Sleep with him? NO, you can’t mess this up with sex. Mechanics are like polar bears these days; hard to find. Besides you will probably wonder if his hands are clean..
A Tech Guy: Initially I thought a computer guy but I’m technology incompetent at times, so while I know the basics about computers, I know absolutely nothing about TVs, ipads, tablets, cameras or anything else that needs to be charged. I only use my phone for the basic functions. A tech guy comes in handy when your computer dies or tries to, when you want to buy a TV and hook it up, when you have questions or just to watch TV, because his TV and surround sound will be better than yours.
Sleep with him? Maybe. These guys are becoming more common if they don’t have an extensive knowledge of techy things they may know enough to be useful but not enough to be irreplaceable.
A Wallet:This guy is who people would consider your bottom. You may have been serious with him for a while but things didn’t work out but so when you need anything you can call him. He is the guy with extra money who supports you when you need it. I am not saying that you use him unnecessarily but he is a valuable resource so don’t abuse it. This is the guy you have to keep happy while maintaining your freedom and depending on the man it’s a balancing act because you have history so feelings are involved at times.
Sleep with him?You already have… If it doesn’t complicate things more, carry on. However you have to be mindful that more sex can make it messier than it probably already is. You need to keep him happy because he will be the one paying the mechanic and he may also serve as your tech guy.
I’ve neglected posting my email responses so here are the last few I answered.
Is sex better when you don’t give a fuck?
I don’t think so. I think that you get to a point where you learn to enjoy sex regardless of your emotional connection. I think that it may be better when you enjoy being with the other person because you guys have more chemistry and feel more responsible for the other person’s pleasure. The number one rule to sex and not giving a fuck is being responsible for your own orgasm, meaning do what ever it is that you need to do to get off and be the first to get there. When you are with someone who you have an emotional connection to you feel somewhat responsible for that persons pleasure, there is something more there than the physical. Some guys get off on pleasing but a lot of them don’t so, if you are not going to give a fuck and have emotionless sex get off don’t be there for his or her pleasure be there for yours.
You don’t have to not give fuck, it doesn’t work for everyone so just know who you are, what you’re comfortable with and go with that.
You seem to be a cool person why are you anonymous?
Because I choose to be. I think there is something fun about reaching people who know nothing about me. Because I am anonymous I try to be as honest about things as I can; although I’m anonymous this is a very real depiction of who I am in person. I also think it gives me a certain level a freedom when discussing things on this blog.
Are you a feminist?
I am pro women , don’t identify as a feminist or anything else.
Where are you from? Do you want to be Sex positive with and for me?
I am from Michigan currently living in Georgia. Creepy internet man, I don’t do the online thing and getting sex is easy just get advice form this guy.
I am very pro sex. I don’t attach my emotions to every sexual encounter and I typically do with my vagina and other privater parts as I please. However there is a part of the female community that likes to withhold sex until they feel the person they are with is worth the effort, and after a few less than stellar encounters I completely understand why. I have been trying to figure out what I can add this conversation and this is what I came up with. So if you find yourself trying to hold out this one is for you. If you can think of more please add them to the comment section.
1. GO OUT: It does not have to be some extravagant over the top activity every time. It could be as simple as going to a coffee shop and chilling out or smoking at a hookah lounge. If you want to avoid having sex too soon don’t find yourself alone an apartment or house for too long.
2. Don’t go out too Often: If you spend a lot of time together initially you will feel a bond faster and the attraction will be build. I suggest taking it slow and giving yourself time to process the feelings that you have. Sometimes time apart lets you determine how much you really like someone.
3. Terrible Panties: The oldest trick I know is to wear your least attractive underwear you own. Period panties, the ones my dog basically ate the crouch out so there are all this tiny teeth holes, umm the ones that were accidentally bleached, or maybe even buy a pair of high waist briefs. Unsexy panties are embarrassing and that’s why they work.
4. Never invite him in or go to his place: at least not until you are ready to be alone and are ok with the likelihood of sex. OK, so you have went out a couple times and there is this moment when you think should “I invite him in or go to his place and have a night cap???” I say hold up. I like sex but in due time so when then this dilemma happens I go with nay because if it was good idea I wouldn’t question myself.
5. Don’t focus on his sexy: There have been guys when I’m like “man he is too sexy, I just want to know what it be like” then I’m disappointed or obsessed; more than likely disappointed. I’ve learned that if I focus on his personality I can become more attracted to someone I’m not physically feeling or less attracted to someone who I drooled over. Personality affects sex appeal and whether we want to admit it or not the finest people have the worst personalities.
I have tendency to not be upset, I typically just move on to the next without questions or very much thought… Call it my flaw of indifference. Typically I’m indifferent the early stages of things, I think that we should all be a little indifferent because everyone you meet is not going to like you. It is interesting that people get so wrapped so fast. Typically I always have one foot out the door and a couple of players warmed up, just in case.
The way I know that I really like a guy is when I care about how he feels and I’m upset or disappointed by something he does or doesn’t do. In that moment I think to myself “Damn it he’s got me”. There is one person in particular that I try my damnedest to be great for. Not because I’m not great anyway, but he brings out the best in me. He makes me want to be everything I never thought I wanted to be. So one time when he didn’t call me back, like he said he would, I was upset and then I knew I gave a more than a few fucks because I actually ran through all of the things he could be doing besides talking to me. In reality he was asleep and I was wondering what he was doing but of course I didn’t call (I didn’t want to seem too pressed). Under a normal circumstance I would have forgot he was supposed to call back or not thought twice about it.
In short, I try to only waste energy on people I like I don’t over analyze or agonize over the ones around for entertainment and company. I like doing random things and I need people around who want to do it with me. You have to decide when to care. With careful control over your impulsive emotions you too can seem not only heartless but can become indifferent too. I know someone is reading this like what good is a chick who doesn’t get upset. People think that women need to have emotions so men can have reactions. So to you I say the fact that I’m single says a lot about how I treat these hoes… Not saying that I haven’t been in a meaningful fulfilling relationship. I just try to put potential relationship energy into people who I could potentially be in a relationship with. So please be careful because being upset directly correlates to giving a fuck.
I am uncomfortable with popularity. I never liked the popular guy because he seemed too exposed. I guess I am uncomfortable with popularity because I don’t want to fall into the be seen not heard category, being an attractive women with a popular man that can happen and has happened. Amber Rose wasn’t heard until she broke up with Kanye . I think she is interesting person. She has been quoted telling aspiring video hoes to sell an image not their bodies. Also I always associated popularity with unnecessary drama and the rumor mill both of which I choose to not be a part of.
I guess this something I need to work on because at the end of the day, I believe in enjoying the person I choose to be with no matter what; popularity shouldn’t bother me. I guess I’m just leery. I am the person who is not on fb for more than a day at a time per business quarter and who sporadically tweets. I kept a very low profile for reasons but it has become a way of life for me and I like it that way… Kinda like being a phantom. I move seamlessly in an out of social groups without leaving anything more than memories.
I guess the funniest part about all of this is I’ve never felt more like myself than I do at this time in my life. I am content with who I am becoming and where my life is headed. So it’s not about insecurity; even the thought of me being insecure is crazy. I’m working on it though so as he would say… Stay Tuned.
Have you ever been with someone and thought this can’t be it… You can’t be it. I Love you but I just feel it in my guts that this is not what my life is supposed to be.
I truly believe that the heart wants what the heart wants. That there are people who come into your life for a short time and leave a lasting impression on your heart and spirit and people who will be around for a very long time and but will not do the same. This is about the one, this is about fate. The possibility that there is someone for everyone we just have to meet them.
I think that in relationships we get comfortable. Comfortable with the life we create with one another and comfortable with familiarity, even when our entire being is suffocating in a relationship we stick it out. I am not referring to the uncomfortable times when things just make us feel bad like, infidelity, jealousy and other things that come with relationships. I am referring to the times when things are going perfectly but you can’t breathe, when you wake up in the middle of the night look over at the person and want to get away from them even though they’ve done nothing wrong.
I don’t understand why people feel as though things need to go wrong in order move on from a relationship. Has society made complacency the norm in relationships, do we really believe that is will always get better and that it’s just a rough patch?
I don’t want to a feel as though the life is being sucked out of me because I am comfortable. We should not settle for familiar when extraordinary is out there. When you meet a person who makes you want to be better and makes you feel as though there is so much more to life and if there isn’t that’s OK, because they are there with you; I think you’ve found your person. The one person created just for you.
I choose to not be complacent in a relationship because I am the person who will leave in the middle of the night and not wait for the feeling to pass. I want the person who soothes my soul and makes my heart smile. I want the person undoubtedly make me better and ultimately wants the best for me. Someone who will support me when needed but will also roll over look me directly in the eyes and say you need to get your shit together; and not for himself but for me. The one man who calls me on my bullshit but accepts that it comes with the territory. Who will not always give me what I want but is more concerned with what I need.
If you can find that person you may have found the ONE.
I Love ratchet rap music just like the next girl. But really can you at least find out my name. Has it gotten to the point where men are no longer held accountable for such a simple task? I recently moved to the city of thirst, Atlanta, GA. I’ve learned a few things since I’ve been here, but that will come in later post. As far as this post goes I’m going to refer to any man who approaches me from now on by some insignificant detail that may or may not make him stand out. Walking through a Wally World I was approached with the classic “Aye Shawty Wah Cho Name Iah?”, (translation: “Excuse me Ma’am, what’s your name?”). First off I’m from the mid-west so this whole accent thing is kinda new to me and second I’m not impressed. He went on to tell me that he was aspiring to be a rapper and knew TI. Which very well may be true, but the approach was terrible and after he asked my name he said can “Can I call you Caramel? Cause your caramel skin looks so sweet” I asked was he serious and he said well “I will remember you better if I give you a name that’s just for me?” I told him he was not 2Chainz and I was not interested, I’m involved . I was amused, but Wal-Mart of all paces with that approach? I guess its refreshing to know that there are men who don’t need a buzz to approach out there. So Red shirt will not be getting any first, let alone, second thoughts. But I do admire his confidence.
I had a crush on this guy for a lot of college and when he finally pays me attention as more than a friend I was so hung up on my ex at the time that I didn’t even notice, well I noticed but I didn’t care. A year or so later, after we had an awesome night at club and made some hilarious memories, he confronted about it and we are still friends. Looking back I think I did the right thing for me at the time. I was looking for an outlet and he provided one at the perfect time.
Knowing all that I know about him now I am happy that things worked out the way they did, he is an amazing friend. I’m not sure I could see him in any other capacity than that. In college we had some crazy club nights and it was fun. He was a friend when I needed one and proved that everything doesn’t turn out how you plan it. When I met him swore we would be married by now, lol. I can’t believe I ever thought that. I do think he was placed in my life to be there that night, if nothing else. He was my ultimate crush turned, even better friend.
Let me tell you guys a story about how good dick can make you reconsider if not lower some standards. So I was speaking with a good friend who has been dating a guy for awhile and she tells me after they have sex he always gets up and leaves According to him he doesn’t sleep well away from home. Me being the skeptical one jumps the conclusion that he has someone at home waiting. To me the only logical excuse to not sleep over the person’s house that you are dating and having sex with, is that you have to go home to someone else.
Now 2 weeks passes and he falls asleep laying next to her, she thinks that he is finally comfortable enough at her place to sleep there so she thinks it’s victory. She was seriously mistaking. The next morning she woke up to a soaked mattress, clearly confused because she was sleeping next to a grown man. When she wakes him, he explains to her that he never slept over because his bladder never fully developed as a child and he takes medication for that. However he cannot take the medication on days when he plans on drinking alcohol. Basically he occasionally wets the bed as an adult so he goes home and slips into some adult briefs just in case he has an accident.
I am trying to be polite and not condescending with this post because clearly this is a problem and it’s an embarrassing one at that, so no shade to him but I have to be honest….
So after laughing hysterically in disbelief, I asked was she going to continue seeing him because there is nothing sexy about sleeping next to a man in an adult sized pull-up and even less sexy is waking up in an adult sized urine puddle. She hesitates to answer and that is when I begin to worry because clearly she is really struggling with breaking it off… She breaks out with “but the dick is good”. 0_0 Are you serious? The dick being good is not an adequate reason, to me anyway, to date man with a child’s bladder. I understand that this is a real medical problem and maybe I am being too shallow but I like clean sheets and mattress that I have to steam clean only twice a year if I want. I honestly don’t understand not breaking it off immediately.
Am I being too critical? Personally I’ve never had dick good enough to make me consider staying in this type of situation.
I am a 20-something African American women; living a non married life with no children. Two things in life I haven’t quite figured out; where I want to go or how I’m getting there. But I know who I am and will have a lot of fun along the way.
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