I have an inner voice, and if a friend spoke to me the way my inner voice does at times, I would…
Ignore them like I ignore my inner voice on very regular occasions. I really need to stop doing that because because for the most part my inner voice is always right. The inner voice is a very strong force and I really need to give it more credit. The last time I didn’t listen to it, I didn’t lock my car doors because it was too cold to turn around and later that night my car was stolen.
Having another person to fully love me means I must…
Be completely honest. I don’t want a person to love part of me, I want them to love all of me. I have to be honest with them about everything. Even this blog, lol. I want the person to know everything about me and while some may think this a big mistake I don’t feel that way. As I said in the previous post I don’t feel loved unless I feel truly accepted, so in order to feel that, I have be honest. It also means that I have to be patient. In order for someone to truly know me and accept me I have to learn to be patient during that process.
Allowing another person to fully love me means they must…
I think it should read “having” instead of “allowing”. They have to allow me to be me and accept me as I am. I don’t think there is any better way to feel loved by someone than for them to love you for who you are on all levels. If I feel truly accepted for all the things that make up who I am, that is when I feel the most loved. They don’t have to understand everything about me but they have to accept me; for all that I am and what I am not.
Accepting someone doesn’t mean that they will never change, it just means that you are willing to allow them to grow at their own pace. Life is not stagnant and it doesn’t allow us to be. There is always change going on; within and around us. Love should be accepting of growth and change but also meeting someone where they are.
I would love to say that I’ve never had sex without a condom but damn it, I fucking hate condoms. I will say that I am very particular about who I choose to disregard my overall health with and who is worthy of the awesomeness that is unprotected sex. I don’t think anyone is worth my health or well being, but that’s not to implying that I don’t trust anyone enough to forgo the gift wrap. I never argue condoms for birth control in the case of women because I feel that all women not ready to have children should be on some form of birth control. I’ve also found that birth control can actually be a deterrent for condom use because well pregnancy is way more immediate than HIV and other STI’s won’t kill you if detected early.
Those of us who were blessed with sex education we know that condoms not only protect against STI’s and pregnancy they make great water balloons and banana covers. On a serious note who is worth your life, if it is not the person you are with then wrap it up. I have a friend who stashes condoms everywhere. I must say he is pretty clever too, never killing the mood to find one or fumbling to put it on; he has that shit down to a science.
Some of us have the most dysfunctional relationships because that is all we were taught. I believe that role models in general are important, and I have taken various approaches to life from many of the women that I know. In my life I’ve had 3 Moms and watching them has taught me various things about relationships. Part III is about my second Step-Mom.
My second Step Mom is has been with my father for about 20 years. She has 3 biological children, including a daughter who she didn’t speak to for most of her life.
When you Love people you show them. You hug and you kiss and you show your emotions. my 2nd step mother is very cold person. She is not affectionate and not emotional in any way. She is one of those people who don’t make you feel warm or comfortable. She taught me that it as important to show people you love them through affection and time spent, more than paid bills and food on the table. Not only to do you show people affection but you have to be genuine about it. I don’t remember a time in my life when I received a hug or witnessed her hug anyone and it seemed real. So through her I learned that affection is an important component to showing love and having the people around you feel warm and connected it can be as simple as touching a person’s arm. Physical affection is important to both men and women. I learned to be genuine with it and just a warm person in general.
My first step Mom and second step Mom’s relationship overlapped significantly, meaning for several years. Eventually it worked in her favor and she married my dad but she will get no kudos from me. It amazes me how many people get involved with people who are already in relationship or married to someone else. I don’t get involved with people in a relationship, simply because I believe in Karma. While I don’t think that I have any obligation to the girlfriend or wife, I know that it is terrible feeling when your significant other cheats on you and I choose to not cause any undo emotional harm to anyone that I don’t know. In my opinion, there are more than enough men on this earth, so no one needs to share. Cheating with someone’s spouse will always come back to you in one away or another and you should do right by people even if you have no reason to. The thing about this whole situation is that my father’s family has never truly warmed up to her because she is seemingly the heaux turned housewife; which will bring me to my next point.
As I pointed out in the last section, my second step mom is not the favorite person of anyone in my father’s family. Recently I have experienced similar problems with some of the people close to my boyfriend. Initially it truly bothered me because first off he has yet to address this with these people and he always has some excuse like, it’s not their business. I am the opposite I address things head on and he waits for them to blow over or is forced to deal with it. I digress…. My second step mom does not care if the other people in my father’s life like her and she honestly has no reason to. I learned that the most important opinion of me was the person I’m in the relationship with. For the most part I don’t have to deal with other people day in and day out. As long as I’m treated well it doesn’t matter. But it doesn’t let him off the hook for dealing with others attitude towards me because I‘ve witnessed my father check people’s attitude or simply cut them off. The bottom line is that you and your partner have to demand respect for your relationship when the people close to you don’t agree with it. It is not easy but it makes for a more united front.
Some of us have the most dysfunctional relationships because that is all we were taught. I believe that role models in general are important, and I have taken various approaches to life from many of the women that I know. In my life I’ve had 3 Moms and watching them has taught me various things about relationships. Part II is about my first Step-Mom.
My Father’s first wife had no biological children and was from a very tight knit family. She was really into health and fitness, teaching various aerobics classes, jogging 5 miles a day and being an avid tennis player. This was her first marriage.
We all come with baggage and in relationships we have to be able to accept the baggage that the other person brings. In my fathers case I was baggage. Had it not been for my first step-mom I don’t believe that I would have known my father. The relationship she and my mother created was almost like friendship and it forged the relationship that we had. My first step mom formed a relationship with me that was completely independent from my relationship with my father. It was not forced on me, but developed very naturally or time. She made it very clear that she was not trying to or going to replace my mom. My first step mom did not kill me with kindness either, she was a disciplinarian when she needed to be, but she understood that there was a fine line she had to walk. The most important thing I learned from her was that you can never love and care about too many people no matter how they come into your life, and children are always worthy of the love and care. Being a step parent is a difficult role but the most important part of it is to have your own relationship with your step child that does not include resentment.
As I said in the intro she was a fitness guru. It is important that we take care of ourselves and not just for our partners. It’s just the smart thing to do. But in terms of relationships, especially those that are long term, it is essential. We all know people who have been together for an extended period of time and one, if not both, have physically morphed into different people and not because of age. Being active and fit is very important and it is even more fun if you can do it together. My father wasn’t into fitness and he turned out to be the one who changed physically; a lot of times it’s the other way around. Please don’t think that I am saying you have to keep this svelte figure, what I am saying is that we should just physically take care of ourselves and always try to look nice. (I always have the lipstick and mascara handy) Not only will your partner feel good about you, but you will feel even better about yourself.
My father was a habitual cheater when he was with my first step Mom. He basically had a whole other family not even 10 minutes down the street. After a first step Mom realized that this wasn’t a fling she went and found her own boyfriend. When this was going on I was young and I had no idea what was really going on, however I knew that it wasn’t right. Just because a person hurts you, doesn’t mean you need to hurt them twice as bad. If you can’t find it in your heart to forgive them, or you do and they don’t change then you should move on. When you cheat because your significant other cheats you are just as wrong as they are. It is not healthy and it makes fixing the problems in your relationship twice as hard because no there is no trust. And while men complain about women’s trust issues, when you completely lose a man’s trust it’s gone forever. Revenge cheating doesn’t make you feel better it just makes the situation worst. If my boyfriend or husband finds someone who he thinks can make him happier and is a better fit, then I will let him go. If he comes back we can cross that bridge if we ever get to it.
There is nothing I hate more than bitter people on Valentine’s day….When I was little my Mom and Dad kinda made a big deal about it. So I remember those times. My parents always stressed that Valentine’s Day was about Love, no specific type; just Love. I make cupcakes with my friend, even though our cupcakes suck, the day is more about Love overall to me than Love of a romantic nature. If my sisters were around I’m sure I would be doing something with them for Valentine’s day as well. It is the one day you can be extremely sentimental with people and not feel strange about it. I try to do my best to make my single friends feel just as a good about Valentine’s Day as the ones that are attached.
I look forward to Valentine’s Day every year. Aside from the Love part, I like to give gifts. My boyfriend knows this; whenever I buy him a “surprise” he almost has to a talk me out of telling him what it is. I like for people to know that although I am cold, blunt and in cases completely unaffected; I appreciate them for being around. If you have children make sure they feel special. My Dad always presented us with Valentine’s before we got to school. So even if none of our peers gave us anything we already felt special. He showed me that Valentine’s was about Love and that first and foremost my Dad Loved me.
If you are single don’t focus on that, get together with some of the people that you Love and make the day about being Loved in general. If all of your friends are busy think about that the fact that someone in the world Loves you and treat yourself to something that you enjoy.I don’t understand anti Valentine’s Day attitudes. Is having a signifcant other important during any other holiday??? Love is all around us and we have to embrace that. So if you are not into Valetine’s day don’t bash those of us who are. In the world that we live in, it is nice to have one day dedicated to Loving people, in my opinion.
How much is too much? Are women false advertising???
On more than one occasion me and bff Umberto have had the great make over debate. He says that there are times when he has met a woman and when she took off her face, hair, eylashes, push up bra and spanx he was no longer interested. People seem to have varying opinions on how much is too much when it comes to the female beauty regimen. Mine is not too much I don’t think, but my little sister and older brother would beg to differ. I spend quite bit on makeup which is probably driving my boyfriend mad one eyeshadow at a time. While I am not into body shaping garments, I don’t think my boyfriend knew what my hair looked like for the first year of us dating.
It can border on false advertising but we do it to attract the attention of men. I can’t completely fault women for false advertising, these tricks are old news and they still work; guys still fall for them. Men should be aware that she may not look like that on a Tuesday at 10pm. They need to wake up a little, and if you are not into enhancements why would you be attracted to these women in the first place???? If they like who she truly is do the enhancements distract from that.
People in every culture have ways to enhance their beauty, while some are more extreme than others, we all do it; it’s human nature. Just be sure that the outside doesn’t define the inside and that you like what’s underneath it all. If you take off your clothes, makeup and hair you are not happy with what you see, you may have some things to work on; not by masking the flaws but embracing them. I know we all have flaws that we want to cover up, but in the same breath, we want to let people see the real us sometimes and like like it; acne scars, dark circles, back fat, etc. Trust me if he’s the right one he probably wont care. Just be sure that you like what you see when you look in the mirror, because at the end of the day the only person who has to look at you everyday is you. After all the best beauty enhancement is self confidence.
Some of us have the most dysfunctional relationships because that is all we were taught. I believe that role models in general are important, and I have taken various approaches to life from many of the women that I know. In my life I’ve had 3 Moms and watching them has taught me various things about relationships. Part I is about my biological Mom.
My biological Mom is the mother of 5 children by 4 different men; needless to say she may have gotten around. She is serial monogamer and I Love her more than anything in the world, but some of the most notorious things I try to do, and not do, in relationships is because of how she handles her’s.
My biological Mom is non confrontational at least until she is so mad there is no communicating. My mom will let things slide so often that it is frustrating to watch. I learned that you just have to talk about it no matter how uncomfortable; put it all out there and sort it out. This is not only true in disagreements but in just everyday life stuff. My mom doesn’t know some details because she doesn’t ask, but not because she doesn’t want to know. I ask all kinds of questions even if it makes us uncomfortable because I don’t want to wonder how you are paying bills with no job and 2 baby mamas.
In the beginning of any relationship you may try to like what the other person likes, but there is a point when you’re like “I don’t like that and I probably never will”. My Mom is a conformist and sometimes it’s like she takes an immersion course on the lives of the men she dates. I remember something about every man she has dated since I was little because she went through some strange phase. With my 1st step-dad she stopped eating pork; born and raised in the south and she gave up swine?? There was the weirdo with bipolar disorder who had her listening to smooth jazz for like 3 months. Have you ever been on a road trip where smooth jazz was the music of choice??? Well if you haven’t don’t… Then there was golf and a few other crazy things. I think that when you get with someone you have to be yourself. How can you build a lasting anything when you pretend that you like things that you really don’t and shun the things you enjoy??? It is far easier to be with someone who can be who the really who they are, than to be with someone who wants to be a reflection of you. This is not just in a hobbies but in all thing. I will never convert to a religion or start some special diet unless I feel that it is the right life choice for me. It’s just easier to be yourself in relationships, because you know that the person is there because of who you genuinely are.
The great thing my Mon taught me about relationships is that men and women are different. As women we have to know when to let our men be men. That does not include, letting him chase whatever skirt that passes, it means to be submissive. You can be a strong woman with a man but there are times when you should not have to, nor want to, take the lead. You have to recognize his weaknesses and yours and act accordingly. If your man wants to take the extra long way to the store then sit back and let him. My mom is a great supporter and is good at being submissive when necessary. If he wants to provide let him, but you can’t be lazy. If he wants you to cook and you can, do it; and if you can’t, learn. But only if he is doing everything he is supposed to do on his end. The key part in letting a man be a man is the fact that he can’t pick and choose when he wants this role; he has to be this all the time.
Anal Sex…. I had to type just to be sure that I wanted to share this post. I follow a gay blogger on tumblr who said something interesting about straight men and being competition for women because he believes that he can turn straight men, if not completely homosexual, at least bi; to summarize he said, women will get tatoos, all types of piercings, have cramps monthly and give natural childbirth but wont do anal because it hurts too much??? So of course I said to myself “unfortunately ladies he has a point” Aside from the fact that I think what he said in terms of turning straight men gay is completely asinine, he did have a point. The thing is, I honestly believe that more women do it, or at least have tried it, then they will admit. I don’t think that the lure of anal sex can turn a straight man gay, he already had to be curious about being with a man, and even more than curious but completely open to the idea. But what is it about anal that makes women cringe or not even open to try it???
The reason why I called this post Option 3 (not including hand jobs) is because women have options, the anus is not the only way we can be penetrated. It is one of only two ways for gay men (if oral is considered penetration); making the choice for women to try anal is a lot more of compromise. In my experience anal has always been this taboo subject that everyone is curious about, but either they are afraid of the judgment or the pain. Another thing to point out is that the anus is not considered sexy for obvious reasons. I mean lets face it, none of us really know if it was intended for sexual pleasure or if it’s just one of those things that are happenstance; I guess if you think that homosexuality was created by God then you believe this his way of making it happen. I have no thoughts on homosexuality simply because if it is a sin, no sin is greater than another and I am not one to judge. So actually my only thought on homosexuality is that we should all be afforded that same rights under man-made laws; gay, straight, queer or otherwise. Now back our originally scheduled programming….
Anal can be pleasurable for women, and although I’m not strapping on a dildo for my man in the near or far away future, for men as well. In men the anus provides prostate stimulation which supposedly provides the male equivalent to multiple orgasms. In women, the anus shares a wall with the vagina making it easier for some women to climax through anal penetration, not to mention the anus has more nerve ending then the vagina, so after the initial pain there is said to be pleasure. The funny thing about the pain is that the first few times you have vaginal intercourse it hurts but we keep doing until it feels good. But of course straight men don’t know virginal pain so the idea of anal penetration and the pain associated with it may sound absurd.
There are several arguments for and against, but if you are curious about trying it, go for it, I mean what do you really have to lose your anal virginity? Speaking of anal virginity, some women are staying vaginal virgins but practicing anal intercourse only, crazy I know… But if you have no interest in it don’t feel bad about that either, it’s your body do what you’re comfortable with doing, with whom you’re comfortable doing it. Whatever you decide be safe and use the proper protection. I am not going to give tips on anal sex in this post, if you want those you can google or watch this post by GLAMerotica.
