30 Days of Honesty Blogging

I am going to participate in this blogging challenge.  For 30 days I will answer these question provided by morning erection, this means that on some days there will be more than one post on my page, which shouldn’t be a surprise.  I have a tendency to not really have rules when it comes to the number of post per day or a set blog schedule.  However I will tone down the sex related blogging during this time, so sorry in advance. This should be fun I hope you guys enjoy and get an even more in-depth look into the woman behind this blog.

Eye Candy of the Week

 

Protect Yourself

I would love to say that I’ve never had sex without a condom but damn it, I fucking hate condoms.  I will say that I am very particular about who I choose to disregard my overall health with and who is worthy of the awesomeness that is unprotected sex.  I don’t think anyone is worth my health or well being, but that’s not to implying that I don’t trust anyone enough to forgo the gift wrap.  I never argue condoms for birth control in the case of women because I feel that all women not ready to have children should be on some form of birth control. I’ve  also found that  birth control can actually be a deterrent for condom use because well pregnancy is way more immediate than HIV and other STI’s won’t kill you if detected early.

Those of us who were blessed with sex education we know that condoms not only protect against STI’s and pregnancy they make great water balloons and banana covers. On a serious note who is worth your life, if it is not the person you are with then wrap it up.  I have a friend who stashes condoms everywhere. I must say he is pretty clever too, never killing the mood to find one or fumbling to put it on; he has that shit down to a science.

• Guys be creative with the process put some fucking thought into it. Where are the possible places you might have sex and where can you stash the latex life rafts???  LOOK AT HER!!!! This is your only chance to not potentially end up on Maury.  Do you really want any or anymore mini me’s running around?

• Ladies figure out how you can make putting a condom on fun or quick and be able to know the difference between condom sex and raw sex.  His dick could have been anywhere, and by anywhere I mean everywhere but inside of you.

• Everyone we can’t blame other people for our actions or inactions at the end of the day we all decide our own fate one way or another.

What’s your flavor Chocolate, Vanilla, or Caramel?

What is your physical type? Many people have them.  I don’t think I have a type, I think that I am attracted to different people for different reasons.   It kills me when people look for a very specific type.  For example my brothers seems to like the same woman over and over again; but they are all different women who look very similar.  What does a persons features actually say about that person….. don’t worry I’ll wait….. It doesn’t say anything about them, actually what you are attracted to says more about you.

I don’t think I have a physical type.  I am attracted to a certain type of man but the physical features vary greatly.  You can miss out on something special if you only like people based on their physical characteristics.  Now I am not saying that you can’t be attracted to certain features, because we all are attracted to certain features in a person.  For example instinctually we notice symmetry in a people’s faces.  Asymmetry signifies that something could have went wrong genetically or gestationally.  It is just one of the fail safes nature has put out there for us to breed more successfully.  Yes I said breed lol. I am not talking about the small things we don’t realize that we notice, I am speaking specifically about type.  I hate to hear people say I don’t date girls with short hair, or I want my man to be dark chocolate. Well that’s ignorant… to me at least.   This past weekend I was told I wasn’t his type lol, not that I was looking but when I asked “wWhy?” he  said “I’ve been told that light-skinned woman are evil”. As I stared blankly and blinked,  I was thrown off little, didn’t you approach me?  Here you are a seemingly educated man and you think light-skinned women are evil,  and while that may or may not be true, I guess evil dark-skinned women don’t exist.   Now I realize this may have been a joke but I wasn’t the least bit ammused.

To wrap this up don’t get caught up in physical type the best thing that ever happened to me didn’t look like anyone I had ever dated or looked twice at.  Base the decision on some more concrete attributes;  physical traits won’t matter in the lon run.  I do think you have to physically attracted but I don’t think nature predisposes us to skin tone, race, hair length, or any other abstract attribute. So try to keep an open mind out there people, you may be surprised.

Imma make you my B***h!

Some  songs put you in a certain mood and Rihanna is no good for me. She makes me turn into a porn star, lol. Some people have a hard time expressing how they want to be umm… loved, lol.  I wrote a post a while back about giving criticism but I missed a big part of that; some people don’t know what they want.  At different times we’re in different moods and I believe that different partners tend to bring out different sides of our sexuality.  A great man once said “Every woman’s a freak it just takes the right man (woman) to bring it out of her”. But I think we can bring it out of ourselves with the right mindset. If you don’t  know what you want, think of a song that makes you feel a certain type of way.  If you have time put the ish on repeat so that you can be in that mindset for as long as possible.

Different people have different songs in my head and actually entire albums. If you want to be smutty put on a few Rih-Rih tracks. If you want to be dicked down put on some Trey Songs or good old fashion R-Kelly. If you want to be Loved opt for 112, Joe, Corrinne Bailey Rae or Jill Scott, although some of Jill Scotts song flirt with smut, just nicely put smut.

Sex is about the attitude and the type of sex you have depends on that.  I know some of us start out doing something different, then about half way through goes back to what always works.  That is great, but try something new; put on your bad girl attitude and sex like one. Take control if you never do or lose control if you tend to call the shots.  Don’t over think it just have fun. Before you go in the house take your panties off, lol. Surprise him he will not be disappointed.

Nappy or straight, still the only black woman in the room.

Unfortunately I do not understand the Natural Hair movement. As far as I knew some people had relaxers, some didn’t.  There was no statement to be made in either.  For God Sakes It’s Just Hair.  I know someone is reading this and thinking I am ignorant and in denial about the ramifications that are attached to Ethnic hair and to you I give a blank stare and copy of the essay I wrote on this subject in undergrad. I am well versed in the plight of black women, being that I am one, probably more so than others.

For so many people natural hair is statement about blackness.  Well I would like for you too wake up; my hair being relaxed, natural, dyed, permed, shaved, straight, curly, weaved or anything else for that matter makes me no less black and no less in touch with my blackness.  I don’t think that how I choose to  process my hair defines anything about my personhood, it may define how I feel during that time but nothing more.  I am disheartened by the fact that we judge each other based on how someone wants to wear their hair. I have been natural and relaxed, short and long, weaved and un weaved, as matter of fact, you can tell how my life is going by how my hair was during that time.  My younger sister is natural and my best friend only relaxes once a year, I don’t think that this makes either more in touch with their racial identity.  In my opinion it is just another thing that we are using to divide ourselves.

Having been in heated, let’s say discussions, with natural people it is apparent that some of them take it very serious, while I, on the other hand, am not really bothered by my hair; or anyone else’s, one way or another. I can deal with it under any condition at this point.  If your natural hair is about health, more power to you, but I ‘ve seen many people go natural and end up with the same damaged hair they were trying to avoid.

My hair being one way or another does not negate the fact that I am a black woman.  My hair for me is, a display of emotions and a part of me that I can change at the drop of a hat, not worrying about the consequences because if all else fails I will cut it off. At the end of the day I am  still the only black woman in most rooms.

Rant #314

So yeah… my blog recently turned more into a journal but I promise to get back to my usually fuckery soon. I’m restless lately and it has everything to do with the fact that I feel a little stuck.  In my defense I have my reasons.  This is not my usual post type but what the heck. 

I was raised in a little city in Michigan, where you might get pregnant from slow dancing.  I Love my city and it comes out most when I’m intoxicated.   My bff and I say that our type of fun can be described as overtly sexual, extremely intoxicated, including bouts of hood and ratchetness, with a touch of class.  This rings true.  I like my heels high, my dresses short, my hair and makeup laid for the easy breezy beautiful bad bitch that I am.  However lately I have been going to work, coming home, and looking for a restful weekend like the rest of the world.  Maybe this is considered growing up and if it is I don’t want to participate. A week from Friday we will embark on an incredible journey that I am sure will have us telling our stories for the next year.  I know it will be epic and I can’t wait to get some alone time with my friends.  And the fact that there is a strong possibility that the weather will be amazing makes me . There is something to be said about great friends and I have  two of the very best.  I LOVE them so much.

Lately  I’ve felt rather off-balance in my life and I think I need to start going to church again.  Ever since I was a child I always had an issues with morality; my sense of right and wrong is flawed at times.  I am not struggling with this so much anymore because my mom has pounded into me; right is what you would like someone to do to, or for you.  I think that is pretty simple way to go about life. But I have been struggling in other areas of my life and maybe church will do for me now what it has in the past. I’ve started to work out at 6 am and I actually enjoy being in the gym that early just me and the guys who run every other day, and the man who works out in a skull-cap a hoodie as if he’s training for a fight.  Most people would have a problem getting up that early but I don’t and I enjoy the active solitude.  I wanted to start this meditation class at the buddhist temple however, it would have cut into my together time, but I felt and still do feel like I need it.   I don’t really know if I have to be interested in becoming a buddhist to participate, I am not interested in the religion, just the meditation. But then I found out that it is 30 mins from my house and I will try to meditate closer to home. I was told I should find a church and pray instead which is a viable option.

Make sure you know who you’re doing this for

Relationships can be difficult and some of us go through so many things, and sometimes we look back and can’t even figure out why.  Some say Love and others say naivety but whatever the case make sure that you are doing it for you..  At the end of the day and your life you don’t have to live anyone else’s life but your own and staying in an unhappy relationship, and by unhappy I don’t mean an unhappy moment, will do you no good.  If you are staying because you feel indebted to him or her or you think they need you, that is the wrong reason.  In most relationships we form some co-dependence and there is nothing wrong with that.  My point is, if the reason you come up with is more about what you do for them, than what they do for you then you need to think long and hard about who you are doing this for.

The person you  are with should ignite some passion in you about something.  There should be something about this person that you don’t think another person does  better.  With my him I don’t think  there is anyone who will take the time to understand me as completely and just let me be the person that I am not asking me to change any of my ways. The reason will be different for everyone but the reasons should always include how the person adds to  your life.

When you stay with a person because you feel needed in some way and you don’t feel like they bring anything to the table, you’re never going to be happy.  Inevitably you will not able to sustain a healthy relationship because you will be unfulfilled.  I think that when you are unfulfilled in a relationship you tend to look elsewhere for that fulfillment.  In the end you are not doing anyone any favors by doing this as a matter of fact you will be holding you and your partner back.

In life we have to make hard decisions and most of those dilemmas involve how our actions will affect those we Love.  But when you Love someone you want the best for them and if ending a relationship because you are unhappy it’s not exactly selfish. But that’s just my opinion.

Eye Candy of the Week

I’m not sure if the pants are a fashion statement or if he is actually in jail.

 

Me, Us, Him and Them

I’ve been in 2 serious relationships in my short life.  The first one I felt like and still do feel like part of the family.  There was nothing I wouldn’t do for his family and friends.  I Loved his brothers like my brothers and they treated me the same way.  My present relationship has not be a smooth intergration of the people surrounding us.  I don’t feel like his family is my family and it is very evident that his friends certainly are not my friends.  Don’t get me wrong they are very nice people I just don’t consider them my people.

There is stark difference in the way that we were taught to interact with people and I think it has a lot to do with where we are from.  I am from a city where everyone was extended family if you were around long enough.  Friendships last forever,  as a matter of fact, if I call my friends from high school today we would talk as if no time has lapsed. I don’t know if people just like to gossip, but there were very few secrets; good and bad.  He on the other hand was not raised in a very open and inviting community. His family is very small and close knit,  it seems that in his family and with his friends you have to prove that you are worthy of their acceptance; and endure some ancient family ritual.  Whereas with my family once you cross the threshold you are one of us.   We are open books but we respect the fact that we are individuals living different lives.  It seems that with his friends and family the willingness to share their failures as well their success is absent.  

I understand that complete immersion into someone else’s inner circle is not always a good thing but when it feels as though you are on the outside looking in, it kind of sucks.  I think that it is very important that I make him feel like he is part of my family and that  there is no reason to shy away from them. In a serious relationship you will have to interact and constantly hear about these people.  The funny thing about his people is that they will secretly hate you and smile in your face.  I don’t know people close to me who are that nice.  Then again people around him feel like they have the right to voice concerns about our relationship.  Honestly I don’t think I make people that comfortable or I just don’t even give it a listening ear when advice or concern is unsolicited.

In relationships we have to deal with more than just or signifcant others and this can be very difficult when you are seen as the villian.  I am exactly that in the eyes of people around him and I don’t know what he does to change that now; I know what he has done in the past and it doesn’t exactly make me confident.  We are not attached at the hip, ir over the top affectionate couple that people like to see.  They hear about the downs far more than they hear about the ups and honestly I’m done defending myself or playing nice. Quite frankly it is not my place to check the people around him.  My people don’t have a vested interest in the demise of our relationship.