In relationships on February 28, 2012 at 5:39 pm
In the recent past I have been dick flashed and not by little boys, but by grown ass men. I am starting to think that maybe I look like someone who wants to randomly see dicks, but I’m sure that’s not it. I am convinced that there is an epidemic of thirsty dudes pulling out their dicks. If you have no shame in your game more power to you but there are rules to pulling out your dick.
- Make sure she’s interested- Don’t just whip out your dick because you Think that he or she Might be feelin you like that.
- Know the type of person you’re dealing with- If your package is sub standard then you might get laughed at if you’re dealing with someone who couldn’t care less about your feelings.
- Be sure it’s worth pulling out- If you have ever doubted how you measured up then you probably don’t. I will bet she or he is going to tell everyone that you don’t and exaggerate it as well.
- Please know him or her for more than 2 mins or even 2 weeks- I know some are going to say I can smash in 2 weeks… While this may be true, it will have you come off as thirsty; when you do this use some finesse.
- If you want don’t want to be known as “Pull Out Man” leave you dick in you pants- that’s self explanatory.
- Don’t do this in public- I was at a club a dude pulled his dick out on the dance floor. If we had been anywhere else he would have been considered a sex offender for being stupid; which is never a good look.
That’s all I can think of but it’s problem out here so please
watch out for dick flashes because it might happen when you least expect it.
In relationships on February 27, 2012 at 5:32 pm
Born into a generation of very overt sexuality in music and in dance I embrace freak dancing. Partially because I’m not sure if I know how to dance any other way, and second because there is a heighten sensuality that comes with it. Now there is a time and a place this not the type of dance you do at a formal social event or wedding but at the club it’s just fine. There is a line I don’t cross with a stranger and I am not a member of anyone’s twerk team so my freak dancing abilities come with its limitations. I can not make my ass clap, bounce on a split or anything else you might consider a stripper trick, but I can mimic the average video vixen and I think that is sufficient. However there is something to be said about how we express ourselves through dance. Freak dancing is mainstream now, but we know quantity doesn’t mean quality lol. The funny thing is lately I’ve found myself less interested in freaking strangers and more leaning towards just having a good time some other way. I feel this way because I no longer get the satisfaction I use to get from it. Let me clarify I am not saying I have put my freak dancing ways on a shelf but I have started to limited them, at least before the drinks start to flow then all bets are off.
Is this a sign of growth or am I turning into a prude? Am I too old to freak dance?
In relationships on February 24, 2012 at 1:25 pm
I had a very interesting conversation with my Dad. My Dad is an interesting character to say to the least, but he has taught me a lot about what to accept. Last night he actually talked about his recent divorce, which I will not go into. The most interesting part was, don’t sweat the small stuff. If a man does what men are supposed to do, and supply all of your basic necessities for living, you have to look past the little things. In previous post I mentioned that my Dad is an advocate of men being providers, but makes it clear that women should contribute. The thing I wanted to ask my Dad, but I just wasn’t that brave, “What’s considered small stuff?” Haven’t you heard people complain about their partners and wonder if it was really worth addressing?
I think the major problem with saying don’t sweat the small stuff is that “small” is subjective. To me not wanting to go shopping all the time is small stuff. If he doesn’t enjoy everything that I enjoy, it’s small. If perhaps he is flirty at the bar or clubs its small. But these things aren’t small to everyone. In relationships you need to know what small stuff to your partner is. My boyfriend has said with me he doesn’t sweat the big stuff, lol. Over the years we have kind of figured out what’s big and small to each other and have learned some of the things that are big to him I don’t even think about.
We have a tendency to think the standards of behavior are stagnant and in fact they are fluid. I cook on a regular basis and to me cooking is a small thing, I don’t do it because I am trying secretly trying to fatten up my man so no one else wants him; I do it because it’s cathartic for me. However to some women that is how they show their love; and my boyfriend has made it very clear that he doesn’t want me willy nilly cooking for people because I enjoy it. So while I think cooking is small. It is in fact a big deal to some people. Just be sure you know what small stuff is, and respect that what may be small to you is big to them.
In children, lessons, love, Parenthood, relationships on February 22, 2012 at 10:28 am
Some of us have the most dysfunctional relationships because that is all we were taught. I believe that role models in general are important, and I have taken various approaches to life from many of the women that I know. In my life I’ve had 3 Moms and watching them has taught me various things about relationships. Part III is about my second Step-Mom.
My second Step Mom is has been with my father for about 20 years. She has 3 biological children, including a daughter who she didn’t speak to for most of her life.
Show Your LOVE!!!!
When you Love people you show them. You hug and you kiss and you show your emotions. my 2nd step mother is very cold person. She is not affectionate and not emotional in any way. She is one of those people who don’t make you feel warm or comfortable. She taught me that it as important to show people you love them through affection and time spent, more than paid bills and food on the table. Not only to do you show people affection but you have to be genuine about it. I don’t remember a time in my life when I received a hug or witnessed her hug anyone and it seemed real. So through her I learned that affection is an important component to showing love and having the people around you feel warm and connected it can be as simple as touching a person’s arm. Physical affection is important to both men and women. I learned to be genuine with it and just a warm person in general.
Don’t date an attached man.
My first step Mom and second step Mom’s relationship overlapped significantly, meaning for several years. Eventually it worked in her favor and she married my dad but she will get no kudos from me. It amazes me how many people get involved with people who are already in relationship or married to someone else. I don’t get involved with people in a relationship, simply because I believe in Karma. While I don’t think that I have any obligation to the girlfriend or wife, I know that it is terrible feeling when your significant other cheats on you and I choose to not cause any undo emotional harm to anyone that I don’t know. In my opinion, there are more than enough men on this earth, so no one needs to share. Cheating with someone’s spouse will always come back to you in one away or another and you should do right by people even if you have no reason to. The thing about this whole situation is that my father’s family has never truly warmed up to her because she is seemingly the heaux turned housewife; which will bring me to my next point.
Don’t care what people think of you and demand respect.
As I pointed out in the last section, my second step mom is not the favorite person of anyone in my father’s family. Recently I have experienced similar problems with some of the people close to my boyfriend. Initially it truly bothered me because first off he has yet to address this with these people and he always has some excuse like, it’s not their business. I am the opposite I address things head on and he waits for them to blow over or is forced to deal with it. I digress…. My second step mom does not care if the other people in my father’s life like her and she honestly has no reason to. I learned that the most important opinion of me was the person I’m in the relationship with. For the most part I don’t have to deal with other people day in and day out. As long as I’m treated well it doesn’t matter. But it doesn’t let him off the hook for dealing with others attitude towards me because I‘ve witnessed my father check people’s attitude or simply cut them off. The bottom line is that you and your partner have to demand respect for your relationship when the people close to you don’t agree with it. It is not easy but it makes for a more united front.
In sex, Uncategorized on February 15, 2012 at 12:49 pm
I asked my sister what was a good topic to talk about for this series and she said black women don’t perform or don’t like to perform oral sex. Although I never really thought about it, she was on to something.
When I got to college I was amazed at how many of my white female peers were proudly giving oral sex. Where I come from “she sucked my dick” was the biggest insult a boy could give you. You couldn’t be known for anything worst than that. Now as an adult my black friends all admit to performing oral sex but it seems to be something reserved for a special person or as a returned favor. For example on the Braxton Family Values, Trina admitted that she had performed oral sex on a man who was not her husband. Trina’s sisters were more shocked by the fact that she had just performed oral sex and not received anything sexual in return, than the fact that this man was not her husband. Her sister even went on to say “Black girls don’t just go around doing that”. I don’t remember ever having a talk with my parents that specifically addressed oral sex. I just remember that it was always this kind of taboo subject even in college and the taboo hasn’t went away. Maybe people just don’t like to talk about it because I know for fact that black women are doing it, and although maybe not everyday, but not just on special occasions with special people. I know that our attitudes differ on the matter, especially culturally, but I don’t think there is anything wrong with performing oral sex and if you’re going to do it, do it well and enjoy it. Nobody ever died from sucking dick. At least as far as I know.
So my question is why is performing oral sex that big of a deal?
What is that we are taught as Black women that makes it so taboo?
If you want funny yet accurate tips click here.
In relationships on February 13, 2012 at 3:50 pm
In no way do I condone domestic violence. However I do not think that there should be a forever ban on Chris Brown. I understand that what he did was terrible, and that he deserved to be punished. The fact that young women are tweeting he can beat them anytime has absolutely nothing to do with this young man. As a matter of fact we should be asking what their parents are teaching them. The Grammy foundation are not condoning domestic violence but they are making a very clear statement that you can redeem yourself, no matter how bad your decison was.
My opinions on the situation are based on the fact that he has done very well on his probation according to his probation officer and Rihanna asking for a lift on his restraining order over a year ago. Chris Brown was 18 or 19 at the time of his domestic violence incident. He had grown up in a household where he witnessed domestic violence first hand. In my opinion Chris Brown was never taught healthy ways to solve conflicts in a relationship. I am not making excuses for him but I believe that what you learn at home has a greater affect on you than what you learn from society. Chris Brown seems to have moved on to a healthy and seemingly stable relationship, but people want him to continuously apologize and shun him while he does it. Chris Brown should not be the punching bag for all victims of domestic violence.
I don’t understand how we can compare a 19 year old Chris Brown to a 50-something year old Mel Gibson or an intoxicated Charlie Sheen. It is exactly that kind of thinking that makes it possible to try children as adults and put 23 year olds away for life. It just seems that people are so caught up in that fact that it was domestic violence, they won’t look at the fact that people make these same mistakes everyday. The fact is that Chris Brown did not make domestic violence cool but he is showing what is possible if you take responsibility for your actions and work hard to change.
In children, lessons, love, Parenthood, relationships on February 13, 2012 at 2:32 pm
Some of us have the most dysfunctional relationships because that is all we were taught. I believe that role models in general are important, and I have taken various approaches to life from many of the women that I know. In my life I’ve had 3 Moms and watching them has taught me various things about relationships. Part II is about my first Step-Mom.
My Father’s first wife had no biological children and was from a very tight knit family. She was really into health and fitness, teaching various aerobics classes, jogging 5 miles a day and being an avid tennis player. This was her first marriage.
How to be a Step Mom…
We all come with baggage and in relationships we have to be able to accept the baggage that the other person brings. In my fathers case I was baggage. Had it not been for my first step-mom I don’t believe that I would have known my father. The relationship she and my mother created was almost like friendship and it forged the relationship that we had. My first step mom formed a relationship with me that was completely independent from my relationship with my father. It was not forced on me, but developed very naturally or time. She made it very clear that she was not trying to or going to replace my mom. My first step mom did not kill me with kindness either, she was a disciplinarian when she needed to be, but she understood that there was a fine line she had to walk. The most important thing I learned from her was that you can never love and care about too many people no matter how they come into your life, and children are always worthy of the love and care. Being a step parent is a difficult role but the most important part of it is to have your own relationship with your step child that does not include resentment.
Take care of yourself…
As I said in the intro she was a fitness guru. It is important that we take care of ourselves and not just for our partners. It’s just the smart thing to do. But in terms of relationships, especially those that are long term, it is essential. We all know people who have been together for an extended period of time and one, if not both, have physically morphed into different people and not because of age. Being active and fit is very important and it is even more fun if you can do it together. My father wasn’t into fitness and he turned out to be the one who changed physically; a lot of times it’s the other way around. Please don’t think that I am saying you have to keep this svelte figure, what I am saying is that we should just physically take care of ourselves and always try to look nice. (I always have the lipstick and mascara handy) Not only will your partner feel good about you, but you will feel even better about yourself.
Two wrongs don’t make a right…
My father was a habitual cheater when he was with my first step Mom. He basically had a whole other family not even 10 minutes down the street. After a first step Mom realized that this wasn’t a fling she went and found her own boyfriend. When this was going on I was young and I had no idea what was really going on, however I knew that it wasn’t right. Just because a person hurts you, doesn’t mean you need to hurt them twice as bad. If you can’t find it in your heart to forgive them, or you do and they don’t change then you should move on. When you cheat because your significant other cheats you are just as wrong as they are. It is not healthy and it makes fixing the problems in your relationship twice as hard because no there is no trust. And while men complain about women’s trust issues, when you completely lose a man’s trust it’s gone forever. Revenge cheating doesn’t make you feel better it just makes the situation worst. If my boyfriend or husband finds someone who he thinks can make him happier and is a better fit, then I will let him go. If he comes back we can cross that bridge if we ever get to it.