I’m a snoop… Do I have trust issues???

Have you ever gone through your significant other’s phone, facebook, email, or anything else that wasn’t in plain sight or needed a password.  I have to admit that I have. I have not done this out of curiosity; I usually do this for clarity. People talk about a woman’s intuition and I know for a fact I have a very good one, or I just pay attention to details.  I can always feel when something is off in my relationships.  I can feel the distance even before there is really distance.  It can be in the simplest things but I notice them.  I try to give him the benefit of the doubt before I go around collecting evidence, I ask questions, I try to talk about it, I watch closely to what it going on with me before I jump to any conclusions.

I know someone is going to read this and think/say that I am insecure.  I don’t feel that’s the case when things are going well I dont bother with snooping. I always try to let things blow over before I snoop,  when they don’t and he doesn’t provide any answers I find them for myself.  In most instances I am right, there were things that he didn’t share that affected our relationship. I would not intrude on another person’s privacy if I didn’t feel like I had earned the right to do so. For example when I was growing up my parents said you didn’t get privacy until you starting paying some bills, thus earning the luxury. If the relationship is not serious then no I don’t think I earned that right. But there comes a point when privacy becomes limited.  It’s different for every relationships but at this point in my relationship I don’t really expect a whole lot of privacy. I feel this way for two reasons, 1) This is what I signed up for if I had something to hide then I should be caught. 2)  You only ask questions you really want the answers to, and you only look for what you really want to find; snooping can be a double-edged sword.

When asking my Mom how she felt about snooping she said our generation had a whole new set of problems with constant communication through cell phones and the internet.  When she was in her 20′s everything came through a landline so it was little harder to be sneaky.  She went on to say that trust is earned, it is the only thing in a relationship that  doesn’t always positively correlate with the amount of time you’ve been together. Unlike Love, initially you trust the person but over time that trust can diminish but the Love continues to grow and you shouldn’t look for the truth unless you are ready to face it.

My mom had a valid point. Trust is not something you are entitled to, trust is something that you earn and is probably the easiest thing to lose in any relationship. But if you can’t handle the truth don’t go looking for it.

Cumstructive Critcism

This was meant to be Freaky Fridays, but I got lazy at some point on Friday then I thought it might not be a good idea for me to designate a day as I tend to like flexibility. Any who, on to the post.

Have you ever had sex with someone and every 2 seconds they were giving you instructions.  I don’t mean “oh don’t stop, harder, faster” I mean “Use both hands, and hold on to your ankles” kind of instructions.  I like instructions within reason; if what I’m doing is not working for you then by all means tell me what works.  But at some point you need to get out of your own head and comfort zone. Sex doesn’t only feel good one way so if you’re going to give instructions do so within reason.  I Love for a guy to guide me but I don’t want them to make demands. Seriously I start to think, “Do you want to have sex with me or do you just want me to masturbate for you?”;  if you’re constantly giving instructions, nobody is  really going to get off.

After talking to my guy friend the other day he told me not all head is good, and that’s usually when he gives guidance; I know all to well that mediocre oral can be skipped.  Then he went on to say that his ex was not good at giving head or taking instructions.  She got would get an attitude and eventually tell him to do it himself.   I know enough guys to know that if some could they would; but they can’t so they instruct. Which would not be a big deal if it seemed like they appreciated what you were doing in the first place.

Here are some ways that makes it easier for me to take instructions, outside of my S&M experiences.  Maybe they will help, maybe they won’t; I really don’t know.

• Guide me with your hands
• Don’t make demands; be subtle.
• Let me to do it my way first.
• Have an open mind.
• Be into it regardless. For the most part when the other person is aroused you will be too.
• Get me off I will be sure to return the favor

If you can think of any more ways please share.

You have to read this.

I am not boyfriend material. by Erick’s Brain

 

 

 

 

 

Eye Candy of the Week

Idris Elba

Ambitious Women Looking for Knight, Less Ambitious Women Digging for Gold.

I recently read a tweet that made me pause, it read:

 ”Gotta love an ambitious woman who puts up a front, patiently waiting for that dark knight in shining armor, you WILL get your man, hopefully”

First off I think women, especially successful women are caught in a catch 22.  Today we all have to be able to bring something to relationships, but I find it very interesting that if you are successful and ambitious you are waiting on a knight in shining armor, because you want someone equally, if not more, successful.   If you are less successful you are a gold digger wanting to be saved.

I was raised with old school values and new school rules.  My Dad made it very clear that men should want to provide for the women that they love and his families.  But he also made it clear that you don’t depend on a man to provide those things, you have to want to provide them for yourself.  My Dad taught me that a relationship is not 50/50 in every aspect. Someone is always going to out perform the other in some way, either financially or on the home front; it’s a balancing act. The man not willing to, or more importantly wanting to, provide for his woman and family is not worth a woman’s time or energy.

The independent woman model has been shoved down our throats for the last two or three decades.  I do not believe there is anything wrong with women being independent or successful.  I have a problem with the fact that independent women are portrayed as not needing a man and successful men are portrayed as being taken advantage of. At what point did it stop being ok for men to make more money and to want to take care of the woman in his life?

I am not saying that men should always make more money, but in actuality it is shown that there are disparities in salaries for identical careers between the sexes.  So by nature of the beast it is very likely that at the same level of success, the man will in fact make more money.  The idea that ambitious women are waiting for someone to rescue them from the lives they have built for themselves is ridiculous.  I do not speak for all women but I tend to be an equal opportunist.  How you treat me is far more important than how much money you make.  I know that in the long run if you choose a person solely based on the ability to provide,  you are selling yourself short. And the funny thing is because you already have a pretty good work ethic you don’t need a man to save you.

I just want the man in my life to want to provide for me regardless of his ability to do so.  I want a man who will work as hard as I do.  I don’t feel it necessary to find someone more successful I just want someone with the same work ethic. This front that was mentioned in this tweet is silly, if he hasn’t noticed somone has to play the part of the knight.

Eye Candy of the Week

Devin Thomas

My views on the other woman/side-chick.

I’ve been reading a lot of post and articles about women on the side. After some consideration I decided to give my 3 1/2 cents.  Personally, I will not knowingly get involved with a person in a relationship.  I just think it’s in bad taste.  All the men out here I will not share one.  I am, to be blunt, selfish and I like to have the attention when I want it.  I don’t wish to compete or be second to anyone other than his family.  Having been cheated on in the past I do not blame the basic ass females doing this.  Only your significant other is obligated to care about your feelings.  The times that I have been cheated on I reacted in various ways.  The first time I was young and dumb, I befriended the other woman; to this day I don’t know why. The second time I blamed him.  (By the way these were two different men. ) I blamed him for everything. It was then I realized that only he could hurt me emotionally.

Having been the girlfriend I can honestly say that I despise woman who will settle for being the side chick.  I just don’t get. I guess I think I  deserve a hell of a lot.  I remember reading the message between them and thinking “Really?”.  If you always have to question where you stand with a person is it worth the energy?  She was questioning her place in his life and settling for attending his classes, seeing him at work and probably a meal or two.  I’m sorry but in all of my years in college I never attended anyones classes but my own. We lived together so it was a pretty clear to me what he did with his free time. I truly don’t know the full extent of their relationship but I know enough to know that, she was settling for less than I would have ever settled for. I just feel like you don’t take what you can get; you take what you feel like you are entitled to. I say that I despise them because I feel like it cheapens the value of women.  Like Erica Mena said on Love and Hip Hop ”You messing up my Money Bi$*h when you doing sh-t for free.”, she used it in a completely different context but it applies here. Why would a man put in the work when he can get all the perks with little effort.

I don’t know how this correlates to self-worth I actually don’t care.  I think that if you’re about that life go for it.  I, for one, am not here for that.  I like to feel needed and how can he need me when he goes home to someone else.  How can he really value me if he has someone who he gives more time and energy to? I don’t get what women get out of being the woman on the side.  It makes no sense to me. There is always the it’s just physical argument, well if that’s the case, it should not be a recurring situation; it should be once in a while without the constant communication and envy of the actual girlfriend.  If the woman on the side can say she doesn’t want the top spot more power to her, but I am not talking to her.  I’m talking about the women who are looking for love when they are getting leftovers.

All in all I don’t blame the women because they are clearly desperate heauxs getting it how ever they can.

SIZE MATTERS… to me at least.

This has been the great debate probably forever. I adamantly defend size because my G-spot must be hit.  If his dick is not big enough to hit my G-spot then its pretty much a fucking done deal.  I enjoy clitoral stimulation but my G-spot is ecstasy.  If his stroke is off I can help him with that.  I don’t understand women who say it’s not about size, it’s about how he uses what he has. In my personal experience there are no tricks in the entire universe that will compensate for lack of size. It’s true that some know how work with what they have, but if you’re not long enough or wide enough then it really wont matter. I want it all; clitoral and g-spot orgasm. But at the very least I want to know that your dick is actually in my vagina. Size will always keep me coming back for more.

Eye Candy of the Week

Four years ago today President Barack Obama was inaugurated. Their Love is a beautiful thing, so it’s only fitting…

 

Time to get Political… Newton Leroy Gingrich wants to show Blacks the value of a paycheck???

I am not a republican and I honestly don’t understand what their ideals, I’m actually a socialist but the United States doesn’t give you that option. However I don’t like the biased media and this Newt Gingrich statement initially had me outraged until I analyzed what he was saying for myself. A clip of Mr. Gingrich was featured on the The Daily Show and apparently democrats and a lot of black people were in an upheavel about his comments during a speech.  Newt is always good for a misquote.  Mr Gingrich had said, President Obama was the food stamp president and he wants to be the paycheck president.  He is willing to go to NAACP National convention and speak about the value of a paycheck over food stamps…. what in the entire fuck does he mean? Most people who recieve food assitance have jobs, as a matter of fact that is a requirement to qualify.  Also aren’t the majority of food assistance recipients not black. I was in complete shock.

After reviewing these comments further,  with complete outrage, it took me back to church.  Growing up in church  I’ve learned that older people don’t seem to think about how they can be misinterpreted and he was definitely misinterpreted, even though his wording was terrible; he actually did not mean it that way.  Newton was only trying to say that people need money more than food stamps.  Instead of assisting people with only food he would try to provide more cash assistance because that is what people need. Now why would he want to speak specifically to NAACP is beyond me, clearly there was underlying racism with that part.